Archive for August 2007

WGFA NEWS Friday, August 31, 2007

WGFA NEWS NOTES FOR FRIDAY, AUGUST 31, 2007 >

Two dead, one injured in a traffic crash in Kankakee County….. Police cracking down this holiday weekend……. After gun scare, Pontiac to Ban Cell Phones…… New report on farmland values……. Popular Labor Day events underway in Illiana…….

Labor Day Weekend weather calls for plenty of sunshine and 80 DEGREE temperatures. Fog early today, but sunshine and high near 79. Saturday, Sunday and Labor Day Monday calls for temps in the low to mid 80s.

Two southern Illinois men were killed Thursday in a colission between a car and semi tractor-trailer south of Momence. 19-year-old Brian Blaine of Edwardsville may have been distratced on a cell phone, according to state police. Blaine was northbound on Illinois Route 1 and 17 whe he swerved to avoid a semi and hit the rear axle of the trailer. Blaine and a passenger–27-year-old Nathaniel Gately of New Douglas (IL) were killed. A third passenger in Blaine’s car–26-yr-old Jerry Westmoreland of Glen Carbon (IL)–was taken to Riverside Hospital with serious injuries. Police report the truck driver, 36-yr-old Shaun Elkins of Harvard (IL), was not injured. Momence Fire and Kankakee County Sheriff’s Police also answered the call just before 2:30 pm.

Police presence will be obvious on most state routes this holiday weekend. State Polcie in both Illinois and Indiana are working with local law enforcement in patrolling roadways to make sure drivers are buckled up and obeying speed limits. Road construction is suspended, where possible, to give motorists a break.

Several area communities are hosting Labor Day Holiday celebrations. (see B-B list). The annual power boat races in Kankakee, The Herscher Festival, the Earl Park Fall Festival and the Pontiac Thresherman’s Reuinion are a few of the events sure to draw crowds.



WGFA NEWS Thursday, August 30, 2007

TOP NEWS STORIES FOR Thursday, August 30, 2007 on WGFA >

Labor Day events get underway….. Farm Progress Show winds down today…… Pontiac Gun Suspects Charged, Drugs Possible Motive…… Iroquois Tax deadline nears…….

COOLER WEATHER TODAY. HIGH NEAR 77 DEGREES. MORE OF THE SAME FRIDAY AND THE LABOR DAY WEEKEND CALLS FOR SUNNy SKIES AND TEMPS IN THE 80s.

  • The Sweet Corn Festival at Hoopeston begins today with truck and tractor pull competition. The 64th annual Festival runs through Labor Day. Most activities are at McFerren Park. Thirty women from across the country represent their states in the National Sweetheart Pageant. The winner is crowned Sunday night. Preliminary competition is Friday and Saturday evenings. The Hoopeston Jaycees invite the public to the weekend fun. The Grand Parade is Saturday at 10:30 am. Free sweet corn also available.
  • The 35th Annual Earl Park Fall Festival begins tomorrow. The weekend event in Indiana features a huge Flea Market, Food and entertainment. The Grand Parade is Monday, Sept 3rd at 2 pm.
  • WGFA’s coverage from the Farm Progress Show ends today. The three-day Show at Decatur ends at 4 this afternoon. Colleen Callahan broadcasts during the Noon Show on WGFA on 94.1 FM.
  • Two Livingston County teens are charged as adults after Tuesday’s gun incident at Pontiac High School. Bond was set Wednesday at $500,000 each for 16-year-old Sean Sullivan of Odell and 15-year-old Martin Huerta Jr. of Saunemin. They’ll be tried as adaults on multiple weapons charges. A third suspect is being treated as a juvenile.
  • Prosecutors have a list of 270 names for potential witnesses in the case of an Oswego man accused of killing his wife and three children. Christopher Vaughn is due in court Tuesday. He’s charged in the shooting deaths of his wife, Kimblerly, and two daughters and son June 14th. The family was killed while they sat in their SUV near Channahon.
  • A Boil Order for Chebanse. Residents on the east side of the railroad tracksare under a Boil Order ’til further notice. A Boil Order for Gilman is lifted.
  • A Flood Warning for the Kankakee River at Shelby, IN continues until Saturday evening. The river level early Thursday was at 11.3 feet. The flood stage is 9.0 feet.
  • September 7th is the deadline for the 2nd installment of taxes in Iroquois County. Payments can be made at all banking institutions. Payment can also be made at the Iroquois County Treasurer’s Office. The Treasurer’s Office is closed Monday, September 3rd, for Labor Day.
  • In Sports — Watseka is at Hoopeston and Oakwood at Central in Friday night high school football on WGFA. Milford hosts Knoxville. Iroquois West is at Georgetown-Ridge Farm.
  • More News on WGFA NEWS LINKS.

 

94.1 FM, WGFA —- since 1961



WGFA NEWS Wednesday, August 29, 2007

ILLIANA NEWS NOTES ON WGFA FOR Wednesday, August 29, 2007 >

Day #2 for the Farm Progress Show; WGFA broadcast from Decatur at Noon….. A-Way Grain license suspended, investigation continues…… Pontiac High School lockdown, six guns recovered, three arrested…… Former Governor Ryan appeals to full court……

WGFA ILLIANA WEATHER — CLOUDY AND A HIGN NEAR 90. A HEAT INDEX COULD REACH 96. THERE’S A 40 PERCENT CHANCE OF SHOWERS. COOLER WEATHER AND HIGH JUST NEAR 77 TOMORROW.

 

  • It was a tip from another student that led police to find a bag full of guns in a locker at Pontiac High School. Three students are now in custody, likely to face adult weapons charges. Pontiac Police Chief Dale Newsome says officers ordered the school on lockdown, and students were never in danger.
  • Three 13-year-old juveniles from Crescent City face burglary and theft charges. Iroquois County sheriff’s police were called to a concession stand in the Crescent City park Tuesday. A witness told police the the three suspects were observed breaking into the concession stand.
  • A 16-year-old Sheldon youth is charged with battery. Milford police arrested the youth on a charge of battery after an altercation with another juvenile.
  • Former Illinois Governor George Ryan Tuesday asked all 11 actively serving members of a federal appeals court to review his racketeering and fraud conviction. The request comes a week after three judges on the court rejected his appeal. The appeals court last week rejected Ryan’s appeal in a 2-1 split decision.
  • A-Way Grain Incorporated in Iroquois County is closed while an audit investigation continues. A routine audit led to the suspension of the company’s warehouse license Monday. The suspension means the company facilities at Crescent City and Onarga can not buy, sell, ship or receive grain while the audit continues. The State Ag Department stepped in during a week-long audit investigation which began August 20th. A-Way employs a reported 19 full-time workers.
  • WGFA’s broadcast from the 2007 Farm Progress Show continues today at Decatur. Colleen Callahan will be “live” at the Show through Thursday. Colleen reports during thew WGFA Noon Show.
  • –More area news on WGFA NEWS LINKS –

 

94.1 FM, WGFA …. since 1961 “Your Illiana News Source”



WGFA NEWS Tuesday, August 28, 2007

WGFA NEWS NOTES FOR TUESDAY, AUGUST 28, 2007 >

Farm Progress Show unfolds at Decatur…… Flooding or near-drought conditions–part of the story on how IL crops are faring…… LaSalle and Grundy counties added to state disaster declaration…… gas prices reported under $3.00 a gallon ……

  • Illiana Weather— High near 91 today. Light winds reaching about 10 mph by mid-day. There’s a 30 percent chance of showers Wednesday. More weather data at WGFARADIO.COM.
  • The Farm Progress Show is making its bi-annual visit to Decatur today through Thursday. It’s three days of the latest farm products and technology. Matt Jungman, national show manager, says visitors can expect new features at the show. And–he says–you don’t have to be a farmer to enjoy the show.
  • WGFA’s Agri-Business reporter Colleen Callahan broadcasts from the Show daily, begining at about 12:40 pm.
  • There are traffic changes for this year’s show. Posted signs tell motorists where to go and how to get there. The Farm Progress Show begins at 8 am daily.
  • Illinois latest crop report reads more like a weather summary. The USDA’s report shows setbacks to both corn and soybeans from wild weather this past week. Statictician Brad Schwab says northern Illinois got to much rain while southern Illinois didn’t get enough.
  • Sheriff’s Police in Newton County, IN are looking for info concerning an accident Monday on State Road 114, eastof U-S 41. During the noon hour Monday, the rear wheels of a semi trailer had its rear tires fall off hitting another vehicle. The driver–police said–may not have known about the incident. Anyone with info may contact the Newton County Sheriff Department at 219-474-5661.
  • Two more Illinois counties have been declared disaster areas in the wake of last week’s torrential rains. Governor Rod Blagojevich issued declarations for LaSalle and Grundy counties Monday.
  • Gas prices have been dropping. The price of gas in Illinois is under $3 a gallon. For the first time since April, the average price is under $3. Triple-A spokesman Nicole Niemi says the drop is due to a decline in the price of crude oil, and because of the restoration of a refinery in Whiting, IN–that supplies much of Illinois.
  • –More area news on WGFA NEW LINKS. –

 

“Your Illiana News Source” — 94.1 FM, WGFA



WGFA Breakfast Club Bull Sheet for 08/27/07

Justin in the Morning was recorded before a large cardboard cut-out of a live studio audience.

TODAY IS MONDAY - AUGUST 27, 2007 WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 118 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

  • 1997: Animal humane officer Bob Warren of Kenosha, Wisconsin, rescued his seventh skunk of the summer with its head stuck in a Yoplait yogurt container. Warren said it’s not that difficult as long as you keep the skunk’s tail down.
  • Today is HOLD A BUBBLEGUM BUBBLE BLOWING TOURNAMENT DAY.
  • Today is FALL TO PIECES BEFORE BREAKFAST DAY. ***JUSTIN: Normally, I wait until my show is well underway before things fall to pieces… but you’ve probably already noticed that.
  • 1992: A Russian man arrived at his weekend country home near Arkhangelsk on the White Sea to find the entire house, storage buildings, and fences stolen. The thieves had not touched his vegetable garden. ***JUSTIN: So not only were they thieves, but they were junk-food junkies.
  • Today is PETROLEUM DAY, marking the first commercial oil well that began pumping on August 27, 1859 in Titusville, Pennsylvania. ***JUSTIN: And when it comes to jellies, I prefer grape over petroleum

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (Spy Kids) Alexa Vega, 19
  • Actress (”Scrubs,” “Roseanne’s” short-term Becky) Sarah Chalke, 31
  • Actor Paul (Pee-wee Herman) Reubens; 55
  • Comedian, actor (”Welcome Back, Kotter”), voice actor (voice of Roger Rabbit) Charles Fleischer, 57
  • Actress (Caveman) Barbara Bach, 60 — Barbara’s married to Ringo Starr.
  • Actor (Sgt. Rizzo on TV’s “M*A*S*H”) G.W. Bailey, 62
  • actress (Falling Down, Once Upon A Time In America) Tuesday Weld 64
  • actor Tommy Sands 70

RADIO PAPARAZZI

  • Ever heard of Agnes Bojaxhiu? Maybe you knew her by her more famous name: Mother Teresa.
    ” Fox has pulled the reality show “Anchorwoman” after only one episode. The ratings were horrible, pulling a 1.0.
  • A $13,000 handbag and other items were stolen from Kirsten Dunst’s penthouse suite at a Manhattan hotel on August 9.
  • Drew Carey will debut as the host of “The Price is Right” on October 15.
  • Drive around town and you’re likely to see those with satellite reception have two dishes, one for the national channels and one for local TV. The FCC ruled Friday that satellite-TV companies cannot split up carriage of local TV station signals on two dishes.
  • Want to own every minute of every episode of every season of “Seinfeld?” All 180 episodes — from the pilot to the two-part finale — will be included in the 32-disc “Seinfeld: The Complete Series” collection ($284), coming out November 6.
  • Wayne Newton is considering a run at “Dancing with the Stars.”
  • The canceled CW network show “Veronica Mars” is being turned into a feature-length movie for the big screen.
  • A comedy writer is suing the Disney folks saying he came up with the idea of the TV show, “Hannah Montana.”
  • The latest “American Idol,” Jordin Sparks, releases her new song to radio stations today, called “Tattoo.”
  • Justin Timberlake wrote a special song for Britney Spears, set up time in the recording studio and then Britney said, “Uh, no thanks.” Ouch.

NEWS KICKERS

  • It’s tough times for trash haulers in West Virginia’s second-largest city, which is down to three working garbage trucks. Eight of Huntington’s 11 garbage trucks are out of service, along with two flatbed trucks used to pick up loose trash in alleys. The director of Public Works says “It’s the age of the equipment catching up with all of the work.” ***JUSTIN: They’re also having difficulties getting rid of the old, non-usable trucks. They keep setting them out at the corner of the driveway but…
  • He is not yet ready to hang up his suit. The Washington D.C. administrative law judge who lost a 54 million dollar lawsuit against his dry cleaners over a missing pair of trousers is planning to appeal. Roy Pearson filed the court papers earlier this week. The trouble began in 2005 when Pearson went to pick up his pants from the cleaners and was told they were missing. Pearson decided to sue for 67-million, later reduced to 54-million. ***JUSTIN: Is there not some rule somewhere that allows you to kick a judge out of their role if they’ve been found incompetent or found to have no respect for the judicial system? Every product and service we buy is overpriced specifically because of people like this doofus suing for no reason whatsoever. If he loses he should be forced to pay the costs of the dry cleaner’s legal fees, and be forced to work for the dry cleaner for a year - without pay.
  • A British court has barred a country music fan from indulging her tastes late at night after her neighbors complained about hearing a little too much Dolly Parton and Tammy Wynette. Diane Duffin cannot play country music between the hours of 11 p.m. and 7 a.m. This after the neighbors below in her apartment complex complained after hearing the songs played over and over again. One neighbor who lived in the apartment directly below Diane kept a diary of her musical habits said that on one day alone, Wynette’s “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” was played 20 times. ***JUSTIN: In retaliation, Diane is now cranking up “Friends in Low Places.”
  • Virginia’s tourism agency is ditching some hand gestures that appear in some of its ad campaigns. The images are of people making heart symbols with their hands. Virginia’s official tourism slogan is “Virginia is for Lovers.” But it turns out the gesture is also used by a violent street gang in Chicago. ***JUSTIN: So you either telling someone you love them, or you’re saying, “I’m gonna put a cap in you, Sucka!”
  • It was the slot machine that kept on giving - and giving. A malfunctioning slot machine at a Rhode Island casino gave gamblers credit for twice as much money as they had inserted, erroneously paying out $450,115 during two months. The slot machine company says it has reimbursed the money to the state. ***JUSTIN: And the machine has been moved here to 101QFL in lieu of raises.
  • Police in Orlando, Florida, were hoping for a good turnout at their “Kicks for Guns” sneaker exchange, but they weren’t expecting a surface-to-air missile launcher. One man showed up and exchanged the 4-foot-long launcher for size-3 Reebok sneakers for his daughter. The man tells the Orlando Sentinel he found the weapon in a shed he tore down. He says he took it to three dumps to try to get rid of it, but they told him to get lost. ***JUSTIN: Well, not in so many words - after all, he was holding a missile launcher.
  • A seat belt has saved a driver in Oregon, but not in the usual way. Police say Steven Earp’s seat belt performed a sort of Heimlich maneuver that saved him from choking. Earp was eating a fast-food sandwich while driving Wednesday morning when he choked and blacked out. His car hit a parked car. After the wreck, Earp came to. Police attribute his revival to a “seat-belt-induced Heimlich maneuver.” ***JUSTIN: That’s ironic - if the guy had air bags, he would’ve choked - but without air bags, he was able to get air!
  • It’s an “F” in history for one school in Utah. The Ogden School District got a former president’s name wrong. They called the new school, the “James A. Madison Elementary School.” But as a history teacher points out, the fourth president of the United States did not have a middle initial. A new school sign, minus the mystery initial, has been created to take its place - along with replacement school stationary. ***JUSTIN: In Utah it’s the FOUR R’s… Reading, Writing, Arithmetic, and Revisionist-History!

AND NOW ANOTHER USELESS FACT

Invisibility could be possible in the very near future! Dr. Ulf Leonhardt, a theoretical physicist at St Andrews University in Scotland, says it’ll likely be like the Invisible Woman of the Marvel Comics team “Fantastic Four”, who curves space around herself to bend light. While only theoretical at this point, Dr. Leonhardt said scientists are getting closer. ***JUSTIN: I hope it works on other people… it’d be great during the holidays when I want my mother-in-law to disappear!

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. “Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours.”

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.

Climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Seamus, “Any idea where we are?”

Seamus says, “Not sure but I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year”

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Kissing your girlfriend might land you in jail… especially if you’re trying to lay low so the law won’t spot you.

  • FILE #1: This must be what they mean by the “three strikes” rule. David Horton recently gave his sweetheart a kiss and now faces up to 18 years in prison. It turns out Mr. Horton is an ex-felon wanted on a parole violation after failing to appear in court on drug charges. It just so happens that when he kissed his sweetie he was at a Cincinnati Reds game and was seen by all on the “Kiss Cam” at Great American Ball Park. Among those in attendance was Horton’s parole officer, who found a policeman and Mr. Horton, who’s now doing a seventh inning stretch in jail.
  • FILE #2: Sometimes, now matter how clever you think you are, you just can’t fool the police. Walter Hurley of West Haven, Connecticut, attempted to steal a phone booth by chaining it to his truck and driving away. Of course doing such a thing is difficult to disguise and police were on his tail immediately. Hurley thought quickly! His plan was to jump out of the truck and go to the phone booth to pretend like he was using the phone booth to make a call! He then tried to convince the police he chained the truck to the phone booth to keep the truck from driving away without him!? He would’ve had an easier time telling the cops he was Clark Kent and he needed the phone booth to change into Superman.
  • FILE #3: 30 year old Leroy Howard ran into some bad timing when he stole a space heater from the back of a truck and placed it onto his truck. It was then that Police Chief Ted Pollard happened to be driving by. According to police, the Creedmoor, North Carolina man fled on foot and abandoned the truck he had been driving because it had been stolen in nearby Oxford, NC. It was then that a chase began. And it just so happened that two state wildlife officers were in the area, and two vans carrying a SWAT team were passing by and joined in the chase. They called 60 of their colleagues at a nearby training center and invited them to come on over for the chase as well, along with a Highway Patrol helicopter. That’s one criminal against approximately 70 law enforcement officers. Not surprisingly, Howard was captured.
  • STRANGE LAW: It is illegal to cry on the witness stand in the courts of Los Angeles, California.

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH

The city of Aliso Viejo, California, scheduled a city council vote a few years ago to ban the use of any product by the city that is made with or contains WATER!

Why? Because the city council believed it to be a dangerous and toxic substance! How can this be? Well… it seems that the esteemed members of the city government were panicked by some Internet website which calls for the banning of DHMO (Dihydrodgen Monoxide) while listing all its dangers. Here are just a few dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide:

  • Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO [Drowning]
  • Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage. [Frostbite]
  • Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
  • DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
  • Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns. [Steam]
  • Contributes to soil erosion.
  • Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals. [Rust]
  • Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
  • Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
  • Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions. [All cells contain water]
  • Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere. [Severe weather]
  • Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.
    So, why is this a “Moment of Duh”? Easy… Dihydrodgen Monoxide is nothing more than the scientific name for water.

This has been a joke on the internet for quite some time. In 2001 I went on the air and told my listeners about the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide for April Fool’s Day… and they weren’t fooled then. But then, they weren’t government officials, either.

MOVIE CRITIC, MARIE ASNER WITH “THE TICKET”

The family ratings system for The Breakfast Club Bull Sheet are from Zero (no family value) to 5 (excellent) - for films, ratings include actors, director, plot, language, sexual content, violence, etc. Get more from Marie Asner at PhantomTollBooth.org!

OPENED AUGUST 24

*Note: this week, and going into October, movie studio’s traditionally open films that have been sitting on Hollywood shelves for a long time. The premise is to make a few bucks in a two-week period and then go to rental. Many films will not have been screened for critics.

  • ROCKET SCIENCE - Here is a rather engaging film by Jeffrey Blitz (”Spellbound” the documentary). This time, the story concerns Hal (Reece Daniel Thompson), a high school kid who stutters. He wants to be on the school’s debate team, but that means obstacles. Along the way, he meets Ginny (Anna Kendrick), a brilliant debater who sees potential in Hal. In the meantime, his parents have split and his older brother bosses him around. Hal’s time has come. He must make decisions. The matter of stuttering is explored and the reason is that director/writer Jeffrey Blitz stuttered as a child. “Rocket Science” is rated R for language and sexual material. Family Friendly rating of zero, but may be of interest to speech therapists.
  • THE NANNY DIARIES - Scarlett Johannsen (she is making films lately like a whirlwind) is a new nanny to a wealthy family in New York City Mom is Laura Linney, who is compulsively neat and organized, while Dad is Paul Giamatti. They have a spoiled son, but we can see the kid really needs Mom more than new toys. Scarlett has her hands full and doesn’t need romance, but along comes Chris Evans, otherwise known as the Harvard Hottie. Alicia Keys is also in the film. This movie is based on the novel by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus. “The Nanny Diaries” is rated PG 13. Family Friendly rating of 1 for families with nannies.
  • WAR - Not screened for critics. Jet Li and Jason Statham co-star in this film about an FBI agent (Jason) who believes an assassin (Jet Li) killed his partner. The film was formerly titled “Rogue.” When the assassin goes back into action, everything may not be as it seems. Action flick. “War” is rated R for strong violence, nudity and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • EYE OF THE DOLPHIN - Not screened for critics. Carly Schroeder (”Gracie”) plays a teenager who finds she has a special friendship with dolphins. Also in the film are Adrian Dunbar and Katharine Ross. The film is rated PG 13 for scenes of drug use. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • ILLEGAL TENDER - Not screened for critics. Wanda De Jesus is a woman who has hidden from the bad guys with her family for many years. They find her and she has to defend the ones she loves. “Illegal Tender” is rated R for violence, sexuality and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • MR. BEAN’S HOLIDAY - This film is only for Rowan Atkinson fans. Benny Hill has passed on, so if you like crude humor, a comic who uses eye-rolling as part of his routine and sight gags, well, Rowan is here. His character of Mr. Bean had one film, a television series (PBS) and now another “Mr. Bean” film. This time, the guy tries to take a vacation in France and everything that can go wrong, does. Even the trailer was too long for me. “Mr. Bean’s Holiday” is rated G, and I don’t know why it got that. I’d say PG at least. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • RESURRECTING THE CHAMP - Josh Harnett portrays a sportswriter who finds a homeless man (Samuel L. Jackson) and thinks Jackson is a former champion boxer. This is based on a true story. Josh wants to write a story that will promote himself as a writer, but does he have the right man? Alan Alda is also in the film. “Resurrecting The Champ” is rated PG 13 for violence and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • SEPTEMBER DAWN - Not screened for critics. This movie by Christopher Cain concerns the Mountain Meadow 1857 massacre in Utah. A wagon train was set upon by Mormon settlers, and only young children were spared. Some of the shooters were supposedly in disguise. Motive unknown, but apparently the Mormon settlers didn’t want anyone else there. The film stars Jon Voight and Terence Stamp as Brigham Young. “September Dawn” is rated R for violence. The film has some subtitles for Native American dialogue. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • THE TEN - Not screened for critics. This movie is made up of sketches concerning the Ten Commandments. The problem is with the R rating which includes crude sexual content, nudity, language and drug material. At this rate, I would call this The Zero. The film stars Paul Rudd, Adam Brody and Winona Ryder. One hopes they would have learned something positive during the filming of this movie. Family Friendly rating of zero.

OPENS AUGUST 31

  • BALLS OF FURY is a crude humor film about ping pong.
  • HALLOWEEN goes back to the original premise of the series and what made a murderer.
  • DEATH SENTENCE has Kevin Bacon delivering his own brand of justice.

OTHER STUFF

STOP BUGGING ME!

A woman finds a cockroach on her tongue and sprays it with bug spray. Bad news for the cockroach… and bad news for the woman’s tongue!

An Israeli woman suffered chemical burns after spraying pesticide into her mouth when a flying cockroach landed on her tongue. The 20-year-old, from Jerusalem, burnt her mouth, tongue, vocal cords and lower larynx and needed hospital treatment. She says she hates cockroaches more than snakes and did not think first before grabbing the pesticide. ***JUSTIN: How do you get a cockroach on your tongue to begin with?!?! And once you do, who in their right mind is going to keep a cockroach on their tongue with their mouth open long enough to get the bug spray?

SHE CAN SLEEP ANYWHERE!

Sometimes you just can’t find a comfortable place to sleep, but one woman fell asleep and was almost killed because of where she decided to lay down!

An Alabama woman who fell asleep on a mattress in a trash bin woke up in a landfill site in Georgia. A worker at the tip in Lagrange saw 29-year-old Theresa Moorer’s leg poking out of a pile of furniture that was due to be crushed by a compactor. She refused medical treatment and told police she can’t remember why she crawled in the bin. A supervisor at the site says Ms Moorer would have been buried under a mountain of rubbish and a thick cover of earth if she hadn’t been spotted. ***JUSTIN: Select Comfort usually involves a mattress - not matted trash.

SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON

A boat is put out of action, because of small fish.

A car ferry in Finland has been put out of action. No, it didn’t run out of gas. No, it didn’t crash… it simply was attacked by a school of tiny fish. Engineers said the tiny fish swam through two sets of filters before clogging up the engine’s cooling system. Engines on board the Sila Symphony failed and the vessel was plunged into darkness. A spokesman said “The ship was at open sea and the sea was calm so there was no emergency. Everything was under control.”

BLACK GOLD… TEXAS TEA…

When is striking oil NOT a good thing? When it hits your water supply!

(From 2003) The discovery of oil is usually cause for celebration, but it has only meant aggravation for a U.S. Air Force base in Texas. A sludgy black substance that polluted tap water at Randolph Air Force Base and forced a weekend shutdown is none other than the famed “black gold” that made the state of Texas rich. The base has about 12,000 people that are affected by the contamination and is now supplying bottled water for the residents of the base. ***JUSTIN: Hey, we’re hitting oil now without even trying! Can we PLEASE bring gas prices down?

SIMPLY SHOCKING!

An electricity company has been sued in court because it LOWERED its rates!

A German electrical utility company has been forced by the courts to pay compensation just because it was nice to its customers! The bosses at BEWAG (the name of the electrical company) thought that it’d be a great idea to drop the prices for their electric services by one-third - figuring it’d make all of their customers very happy. And it did… all except one. An unnamed customer of the utility company decided to sue, figuring that, if the company could afford to drop prices, it meant that they had been overcharging for all of those years previous! And in Germany, that’s against the law for utility companies. The law says that state electricity must be sold as cheaply as possible. So he took BEWAG to court.. and won. ***JUSTIN: In order to pay the claimant, BEWAG said they’d be raising electricity rates.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I get butterflies in my stomach.

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Justin Kaiser or WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.



WGFA Breakfast Club Bull Sheet for 08/24/07

I was kinda depressed yesterday, but I feel 100% better today. It’s amazing what a new box of crayons can do.

TODAY IS FRIDAY - AUGUST 24, 2007 WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 121 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

  • Today is NATIONAL KNIFE DAY. ***JUSTIN: During the first week of school?!?! Are these people NUTS?!?!
  • Today is “THE FACTS OF LIFE” DAY, marking debut of the popular NBC-TV sitcom on August 24, 1979. A spinoff from “Diff’rent Strokes,” it starred Lisa Welchel, Mindy Cohn, Nancy McKeon, Kim Fields, Charlotte Rae, and Molly Ringwald.
  • Today is FLITTING APPRECIATION DAY, a time to recognize those who have perfected the art of flitting around. ***JUSTIN: Or perhaps a day for those who can actually use the word “flitting” in a proper conversation.
  • WEATHER CLICHÉ DAY, marking this date in 1897 when editor Charles Dudley Warner of the Hartford Courant published the sentence, “Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” Many incorrectly attribute the quotation to Warner’s close friend, Mark Twain.

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (Harry Potter movies) Rupert Grint, 19
  • model Claudia Schiffer 36
  • TV’s (original host of “The Daily Show,” current host of “The Late Late Show,” the movie Old School) Craig Kilborn 45
  • Actress (Oscar for Children of a Lesser God) Marlee Matlin, 42
  • Actor (Three Men and a Baby, Cocoon) Steve Guttenberg, 49
  • Actor (Kramer on “Seinfeld”) Michael Richards, 57

RADIO PAPARAZZI

  • Lindsay Lohan escaped felony charges Thursday when the Los Angeles D.A. filed seven misdemeanor counts against her stemming from two drunken-driving arrests. The 21-year-old actress was hit with two counts each of driving under the influence, driving with a blood-alcohol level above .08 per cent and being under the influence of cocaine and one count of reckless driving. ***JUSTIN: All of that and she got ZERO prison time?
  • “Good Morning America” co-host Robin Roberts says her prognosis is “quite good.” “The cancer is out of my body and I’m healing from the surgery,” she says.
  • Every year, there are about 116,000 weddings in Las Vegas. ***JUSTIN: We think. It’s hard to know for sure since everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
  • State-run Spanish TV has pulled live coverage of bullfighting from its programming, out of concern that it’s too violent for children. ***JUSTIN: Which reminds me, CBS’s “Kid Nation” begins this Fall.
  • Tyra Banks has fired her manager, claiming that he was a bigger diva than she is! ***JUSTIN: Takes one to know one.
  • In Denver, Cherry Creek High School has a new football coach: a guy by the name of John Elway, who wanted to help coach the team for his kid’s senior year.
  • In Budapest, two Swiss students found what they thought was a Frisbee in the water and started playing catch… until a lifeguard told them to put it down immediately and carefully. Turned out to be an old Soviet anti-tank land mine… and yes, it was live.

NEWS KICKERS

  • Dropping something may have saved 73-year-old Joy Horton’s life. She was preparing some food in her New York home when she dropped a spoon on the floor of her kitchen. When she bent down, her house exploded. Horton wasn’t seriously injured. She crawled out from underneath the rubble and walked to her daughter’s home nearby to get help. The cause of the explosion remains under investigation. ***JUSTIN: But as a precaution, U.S. Homeland Security has labeled her cooking as a weapon of mass destruction.
  • Looking for a wakeup buzz? Try a soap called Shower Shock that delivers two cups of coffee’s worth of caffeine per shower. ***JUSTIN: The hard part is feeling clean after you add cream and sugar.
  • A Maryland man is in jail for having a dirty yard. This after officials tried for seven years to get him to clean up old boats, crab pots and other debris in his backyard. George Hartsuff was jailed earlier this month for not obeying a court order last month to clean debris from his yard. When authorities returned after giving Hartsuff 30 days to clean his yard, they found junk including an Arizona Iced Tea vending machine in the yard. A judge sentenced Hartsuff to 60 days in a county jail. If his yard isn’t cleaned up by then, he could face more jail time. ***JUSTIN: Which is fine with George, as the jail cells are cleaner than his living room.
  • A suburban Cincinnati grocery store has cleaned up in an annual contest for America’s tidiest toilets. Jungle Jim’s International Market is known for its wide-ranging selection of items from around the world and colorful decor. And its restrooms are meant to be amusing. What appear to be portable toilets in the store are actually entrances to a hallway, adorned in a jungle motif. It leads to real restrooms with flowers, marble, green tile and tropical pictures. ***JUSTIN: Do you really want to go shopping though at a grocery store whose bathrooms are more enticing than their produce?
  • Most jurors are told not to read news about their case. But jurors in Butler County, Ohio, can’t even look forward to their weekly installment of “CSI.” A judge has told jurors they can not watch any of the “CSI” shows or “Law & Order” series. “Nancy Grace” is off limits too. The judge says such shows can create unrealistic expectations for jurors about what can and cannot be done with evidence. It doesn’t matter that “CSI” and “Law & Order” are fictional. ***JUSTIN: But watching USA Network’s “PSYCH” is apparently within the realm of believability.
  • A Mississippi monkey is on the loose again. The capuchin (KAP’-yoo-chin) monkey named Oliver has escaped from Tupelo’s Buffalo Park and Zoo for the second time in two weeks. Park employees noticed the monkey’s cage open Monday, and the lock on the ground. Oliver and another capuchin named Baby were spotted wandering nearby. Workers easily captured Baby, but Oliver fled the park, headed in the direction of the Tupelo Country Club. Oliver freed himself on July 31st and led park staff on a chase through the park’s trail system. He managed to avoid capture for almost a week. The park’s manager says he just bought $300 worth of new locks for the cage on Friday. ***JUSTIN: Remember the days when Harry Houdini’s escapes were impressive, exciting, and mysterious? Now any monkey can do it.
  • An Indiana man was so upset by his property tax bill he decided to make a scene by paying it - all $12,656.07 - with bags of change and $1 bills. Cary Malchow lugged the cash-filled bags to the treasurer’s office and plunked them onto the counter. His unorthodox payment stalled the line he had been waiting in as cashiers labored to count it out by hand. It took all three of the office’s cashiers 75 minutes to count out the cash. Malchow says he did it so people could physically see what $12,000 is. ***JUSTIN: Unfortunately, in delivering the cash and coins, the added weight to his car forced him to spend $12,000 on gas.

AND NOW ANOTHER USELESS FACT

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. ***Here’s how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you. (The Tonight Show with Jay Leno)

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A bad haircut ends up in the files of Law & Disorder!

  • FILE #1: A woman who claims she had a “bad hair year” is suing a Wisconsin styling salon. Janesville resident Stacie Renz says it took a year for her hair to recover after getting highlights done at the Regis Salon in Janesville. She has filed for damages in Rock County Court, but the salon denies any knowledge or liability. She claims that she simply wanted highlights for her brown hair in March 1998, and it went badly. They tried fixing it by using different chemicals, and by that time, it was orange and crispy. She no longer works in the styling industry and none of the staff who were at the salon at the time of Stacie’s visit still work there.
  • FILE #2: A 21-year-old Arizona man stands accused of a string of robberies — and he’s probably grateful the cops caught up with him and put an end to his misfortune. At the first stickup, the hapless hooligan dropped his gun and it broke. At the second, he had to stop in mid-getaway to use an inhaler to relieve an asthma attack. And at the third, he locked himself out of his getaway car. After he finally broke into his own vehicle, the cops pulled him over for driving at night without his headlights on, bringing his life of crime to a halt.
  • FILE #3: A New Zealand policeman liked his job so much, he bought his police station. Jim Beardsley retires this week after 33 years, but will continue to be landlord to the Cambridge Police. The Cambridge force needed a bigger station, but didn’t want to buy it themselves, so Constable Beardsley stepped in. The force now occupies a spacious, air conditioned office, just yards from the back fence of Constable Beardsley’s house. ***JUSTIN: In case there’s any confusion… buying off a police station is okay. It’s buying off a police officer that gets you into trouble.
  • STRANGE LAW: Many cities have statutes preventing ministers and barbers from eating garlic or onions during their hours of business.

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH

Did you ever think about the fact that, somewhere out in the world, there’s a worst doctor?
If you think about it, there has to be worst doctor somewhere, right? Well we may have found him. It’s a doctor that, in five years, has operated on the wrong limb… twice! Dr. Craig DuMond was fired recently by the Adirondack Medical Centre for operating on a healthy knee. 5 years ago, he operated on the wrong hip and his colleagues did their best to help him out. In fact, since the hip incident 5 years ago, the operating room nurses started printing the word “yes” on limbs which were supposed to be operated on and they even pulled a red sock over the healthy arm or leg as a final reminder. But to no avail, he operated on the wrong limb again. ***JUSTIN: So calling it a medical “practice” is accurate… he just needs a bit MORE practice.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE LIVING IN 2007 WHEN

  • You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
  • You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
  • You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
  • Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
  • You’ve sat at the same desk for four years yet have worked for three different companies.
  • Your boss doesn’t have the ability to do your job.
  • Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
  • You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
  • Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

MOVIE CRITIC, MARIE ASNER WITH “THE TICKET”

The family ratings system for The Breakfast Club Bull Sheet are from Zero (no family value) to 5 (excellent) - for films, ratings include actors, director, plot, language, sexual content, violence, etc. Get more from Marie Asner at PhantomTollBooth.org!

OPENS AUGUST 24

  • Note: this week, and going into October, movie studio’s traditionally open films that have been sitting on Hollywood shelves for a long time. The premise is to make a few bucks in a two-week period and then go to rental. Many films will not have been screened for critics.
  • ROCKET SCIENCE - Here is a rather engaging film by Jeffrey Blitz (”Spellbound” the documentary). This time, the story concerns Hal (Reece Daniel Thompson), a high school kid who stutters. He wants to be on the school’s debate team, but that means obstacles. Along the way, he meets Ginny (Anna Kendrick), a brilliant debater who sees potential in Hal. In the meantime, his parents have split and his older brother bosses him around. Hal’s time has come. He must make decisions. The matter of stuttering is explored and the reason is that director/writer Jeffrey Blitz stuttered as a child. “Rocket Science” is rated R for language and sexual material. Family Friendly rating of zero, but may be of interest to speech therapists.
  • THE NANNY DIARIES - Scarlett Johannsen (she is making films lately like a whirlwind) is a new nanny to a wealthy family in New York City Mom is Laura Linney, who is compulsively neat and organized, while Dad is Paul Giamatti. They have a spoiled son, but we can see the kid really needs Mom more than new toys. Scarlett has her hands full and doesn’t need romance, but along comes Chris Evans, otherwise known as the Harvard Hottie. Alicia Keys is also in the film. This movie is based on the novel by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus. “The Nanny Diaries” is rated PG 13. Family Friendly rating of 1 for families with nannies.
  • WAR - Not screened for critics. Jet Li and Jason Statham co-star in this film about an FBI agent (Jason) who believes an assassin (Jet Li) killed his partner. The film was formerly titled “Rogue.” When the assassin goes back into action, everything may not be as it seems. Action flick. “War” is rated R for strong violence, nudity and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • EYE OF THE DOLPHIN - Not screened for critics. Carly Schroeder (”Gracie”) plays a teenager who finds she has a special friendship with dolphins. Also in the film are Adrian Dunbar and Katharine Ross. The film is rated PG 13 for scenes of drug use. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • ILLEGAL TENDER - Not screened for critics. Wanda De Jesus is a woman who has hidden from the bad guys with her family for many years. They find her and she has to defend the ones she loves. “Illegal Tender” is rated R for violence, sexuality and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • MR. BEAN’S HOLIDAY - This film is only for Rowan Atkinson fans. Benny Hill has passed on, so if you like crude humor, a comic who uses eye-rolling as part of his routine and sight gags, well, Rowan is here. His character of Mr. Bean had one film, a television series (PBS) and now another “Mr. Bean” film. This time, the guy tries to take a vacation in France and everything that can go wrong, does. Even the trailer was too long for me. “Mr. Bean’s Holiday” is rated G, and I don’t know why it got that. I’d say PG at least. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • RESURRECTING THE CHAMP - Josh Harnett portrays a sportswriter who finds a homeless man (Samuel L. Jackson) and thinks Jackson is a former champion boxer. This is based on a true story. Josh wants to write a story that will promote himself as a writer, but does he have the right man? Alan Alda is also in the film. “Resurrecting The Champ” is rated PG 13 for violence and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • SEPTEMBER DAWN - Not screened for critics. This movie by Christopher Cain concerns the Mountain Meadow 1857 massacre in Utah. A wagon train was set upon by Mormon settlers, and only young children were spared. Some of the shooters were supposedly in disguise. Motive unknown, but apparently the Mormon settlers didn’t want anyone else there. The film stars Jon Voight and Terence Stamp as Brigham Young. “September Dawn” is rated R for violence. The film has some subtitles for Native American dialogue. Family Friendly rating of zero.
  • THE TEN - Not screened for critics. This movie is made up of sketches concerning the Ten Commandments. The problem is with the R rating which includes crude sexual content, nudity, language and drug material. At this rate, I would call this The Zero. The film stars Paul Rudd, Adam Brody and Winona Ryder. One hopes they would have learned something positive during the filming of this movie. Family Friendly rating of zero.

OPENS AUGUST 31

  • BALLS OF FURY is a crude humor film about ping pong.
  • HALLOWEEN goes back to the original premise of the series and what made a murderer.
  • DEATH SENTENCE has Kevin Bacon delivering his own brand of justice.

OTHER STUFF

BACK-TO-SCHOOL PRE-TEST

It’s time for kids to go back to school, and as a public service, Justin in the Morning would like to give your kids a little back-to-school pre-test on various subjects:

HISTORY: Paul Revere made his ride through the Massachusetts countryside to:

a) warn everybody that the British were coming;
b) call The Minutemen to arms;
c) see how well the new stereo system he installed on his horse sounded.

MATH: Farmer Brown has six chickens. Four chickens lay one egg a day; two chickens lay an egg every other day. In your typical story problem, the question to answer would be:

a) how many days does it take for the chicken to lay a dozen eggs;
b) how many eggs will the chickens lay in a year;
c) how low does the price of eggs have to drop before Farmer Brown gives up and turns his chickens into six buckets of original recipe.

CHEMISTRY: Mixing a metal like sodium with a corrosive acid and a caustic alkali (alk-uh-lie) will produce:

a) a salt dissolved in water;
b) a discharge of chlorine gas;
c) a trip to the ER.

ENGLISH: An example of a preposition is:

a) in
b) over
c) “Hey, do I have the deal for you.”

CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS…

  • “Don’t let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case”
  • Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.
  • Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers
  • It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
  • The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
  • When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.
  • People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
  • Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
  • Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.
  • If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
  • God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
  • Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
  • Peace starts with a smile.
  • I don’t know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
  • A lot of church members who are singing “Standing on the Promises” are just sitting on the premises.
  • We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges
  • Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He’ll clean them.
  • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
  • Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
  • Don’t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
  • Forbidden fruits create many jams.
  • God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
  • God grades on the cross, not the curve.
  • God loves everyone, but probably prefers “fruits of the spirit” over “religious nuts!”
  • God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
  • He who angers you, controls you!
  • If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
  • Prayer: Don’t give God instructions — just report for duty!
  • The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
  • The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
  • We don’t change the message, the message changes us.
  • You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
  • The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
  • “Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it is that You know they need”

BAD FASHION

At what age does a man look at himself in the mirror and think, “You know, I think I’d look pretty good in sandals, black knee socks, plaid shorts with a wide-white belt… ooh, and also a yachting cap!” Men have traditionally made bad fashion/grooming choices…

  • The shaved-head look: Just when the comb-over went out of style, every balding man started shaving his head. Michael Jordan looks great with a shaved head; you don’t need to be like Mike.
    ” Hair plugs: You never see “Phase 2″ of a guy with hair plugs. It always looks like somebody just plowed their head and planted corn.
  • Toupees: Another bad idea from the French. A Crepe Suzette is a pancake, an Escargot is a snail, a Biscotti is a burnt cookie, and a toupee is a WIG! Trying to conceal baldness by wearing a wig is like trying to hide a big gut by wearing a black tank top.
  • Untrimmed ear and nose hair: These are men who never learned to color inside the lines. You look like you’re in the first stages of turning into a werewolf. And some of these guys will also wear a toupee!
  • Suspenders AND a Belt: What is the plan here? Is the belt for function and the suspenders for fashion? These guys are probably wearing boxers AND briefs, or glasses AND contacts. The only thing I can figure is that these guys have a deep-seated fear of being trouser-jacked.

THE HOME OF YOUR DREAMS REVEALS YOUR PERSONALITY

Do you have a picture in your mind of the house of your dreams? That picture could tell a lot about you. Your ultimate dream house reveals a lot about your personality. Dr. Herbert Hoffman says a person’s dream house is a reflection of their desires and goals.

  • Historic Farmhouse: You value honesty. You prefer hand crafted originals to mass-produced items. You have a strong feeling for home and family.
  • Hollywood Style Mansion: You like presiding at festive gatherings. You have a generous nature and enjoy giving presents to friends and co-workers. You are highly sociable and you like making new friends.
  • A Luxury City Townhouse: You’re self-motivated and you have an unusual ability to stick with your plans. You want to climb the ladder of success and you won’t stop until you reach your goals.
  • High Tech House Of The Future: You’re flexible, adaptable and highly mobile. You’re a future-oriented optimist and a non-conformist. You make your own rules and you’ll take risks just to enjoy new experiences.
  • A Southern Style Mansion: You like privacy and tend to keep a respectful distance from people. You’re a good organizer with the ability to juggle tasks so that your time is used efficiently.
  • A Seaside Cottage: You have a philosphical nature. You’re curious, but you prefer thinking things out for yourself rather than have someone hand you the answer. You’re an excellent negotiator and a family peacemaker.

BUT OFFICER

The top ten excuses for speeding, according to a Georgia State Trooper: (so if you NEED an excuse, try to come up with something other than one of these…)

  1. I just didn’t realize it.
  2. I was traveling with the flow of traffic.
  3. I was passing someone.
  4. My speedometer must be wrong.
  5. But I had my cruise control set at such and such.
  6. Your radar must be wrong.
  7. Running late for something.
  8. I’m on vacation.
  9. I was trying to get to a rest room.
  10. This is someone else’s car.

WACKY WARNING LABELS

  • On a Magic 8 Ball: “Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.”
  • On a roll of LifeSavers: “Not for use as a flotation device.”
  • On a disposable razor: “Do not use this product during an earthquake.”
  • On a piano: “Harmful or fatal if swallowed.”
  • On a microscope: “Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.” (Okay, I just made that one up.)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

QUESTION: Why do we call a bad dream a nightmare?

ANSWER: Most people when asked to guess about its origins figure that the “mare” in nightmare has something to do with horses. I could live with that. Recently I was given a hot tip on a thoroughbred and got to the betting window at the track just as the race began and the window closed. The nag won and I did not have good dreams that night. But that’s not the etymology of nightmare–not by a long shot. It comes from the Old English word “maere,” which means an incubus, a tiny demon that stands on your chest during the night, suffocating you. Why would an incubus do that to you? You probably did something to upset nature’s laws. Maybe you served white wine with red meat, wore a red suit with brown shoes, or did some other nightmarish thing.

THINGS YOU LEARN WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN

  • Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke.. lots of it.
  • A 6-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 40-year-old man says that can only be done in the movies
  • If you spray furniture polish on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  • A 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  • If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing a superman cape.
  • It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
  • Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
  • When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
  • A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
  • The glass in windows, even double pane, does not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  • A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
  • If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball cleats, it does not leak… it explodes.
  • A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000-square-foot house four inches deep.
  • Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old. Duplo blocks will not.
  • PlayDough and microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
  • Superglue is forever.
  • MacGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know. Ditto Tarzan.
  • No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.
  • Pool filters don’t like Jello.
  • VCR’s do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
  • Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Neither do embroidered bed sheets.
  • Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
  • Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
  • Plastic toys do not like ovens.
  • Always look in the dryer before using it. A four-year old can break an arm in a rotating dryer.
  • The fire department in our city has a response time of at least five minutes.
  • The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up two times their body weight when dizzy.
  • Quiet does not necessarily mean there is nothing wrong.
  • M&M’s do melt in the defroster ducts of your car.
  • Dried corn on the cob complete with husks do not make popcorn when set on fire in the kitchen sink.

FEET REVEAL PERSONALITY

You’ve probably heard that your eyes are the windows to your soul, but what about your feet? Psychic Tish Morgan claims bare feet can actually give you a toehold onto a person’s personality. According to Morgan:

  • People with large feet tend to be self-assured and aggressive.
  • People with smaller feet usually have meek personalities riddled with insecurity.
  • If your feet are swollen or if you have a foot fungus, you may have a tendency to lie or cheat — but you always feel guilty about it.
  • People who walk on tiptoe tend to be dreamers who aren’t in touch with reality.
  • People who shuffle along slowly are fearful of the future.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Experience is something you never get until just after you need it.

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Justin Kaiser or WGFA.

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.



Canellations and Closings for 08/24/07

Momence vs. Bishop Mac has been cancelled for tonight – It has been rescheduled for tomorrow, Saturday 8/25 at Momence. 1st game is at 5p and Varsity is at 7p.

Donovan Unit 3 will release early today - Heat - Elementary at 2:15 and Jr Sr High at 2:30

Milford dismissing Friday at 2:15 due to heat

Momence - No Kindergarten due to power

Reed Custer Wilmington - Closed Power

ComED - 45,000 customers in S. Region without power

7 Downed trees in Bourbonnais and retention pond overflowed by Village Hall



WGFA NEWS Friday, August 24, 2007

LEADING NEWS STORIES ON WGFA FOR Friday, August 24, 2007 >

MORE HEAVY RAIN, BUT LITTLE STORM DAMAGE REPORTED….. FALLEN TREE KILLS MAN IN KNOX COUNTY……. INDIANA WOMAN AND TWO KIDS ESCAPE INJURY WHEN CAR CRUSHED BY TREE….. CAR CRASH KILLS DRIVER IN VERMILION COUNTY…… JUVENILE ARRESTS IN IROQUOIS COUNTY…….. ILLINOIS’ PREP FOOTBALL SEASON GOES TONIGHT…….

ADDITIONAL SHOWERS and T-STOMRS TODAY. THERE COULD BE LOCALLY HEAVY RAIN AGAIN. HIGH NEAR 86 WITH WEST to SOUTHWEST WINDS AT 10-15 MPH.

  • Flood Warnings result from heavy showers and T-storms last night. Kankakee County and Newton County, Indiana were placed under Tornado Warnings last evening after a storm-front showed rotation. That storms produced winds and some hail as it moved from west of Bourbonnais over to northern Newton County. Damage was minimal with fallen trees and power lines. Flooding has left some roads vulnerable.
  • There are Flood Warnings in effect today for parts of Kankakee, Grundy, LaSalle and Will Counties. More rain could pose serious flood concerns.
  • Kankakee County had just one reported road closing this morning. County Route 2250-West, north of Route 102 was waiting for ComEdd crews to deal with a downed power line and fallen tree. Highway officials reported some low-land flooding that motorists need to be aware of.
  • Iroquois County reports no damage. Just heavy rainfall that produced 1.3 inches west of Clifton, one-inch west of Ashkum, .75 at Wellington and .30 at Sheldon, Cissna Park and Gilman.
  • Authorities in Knox County say a man was killed when a tree fell on him. It happened in Victoria (IL). The victim was not identified. Winds in Galesburg were clocked at 60-80 mph. A Hobart, Indiana woman and her two kids escaped serious injury when a tree crushed the SUV they were in. Lori Falk and her daughter were treated for minor injuries.
  • An Indiana man was killed when his car crashed in Vermilion County (IL). The Coronoer reports 47-yr-old Mark Juncker of Mt. Vernon (IN) was dead at the scene. He was escorting an over-sized truck when he must have lost control of his vehicle. The crash is under investigation.
  • Iroquois County Sheriff’s Police arrested a 16-yr-old youth for Burglary and Theft. The 16-yr-old was also charged with Criminal Damage to Property, Vandalism and Illegal Possession of Alcohol. Another 16-yr-old Buckley boy was also charged with Burlgary and Theft and Criminal Damage to Property.
  • In Sports— it’s week #1 for the Illinois prep football season. Iroquois West will host Westville tonight on 94.1 FM. WGFA will also feature reports from the Watseka vs Georgetown-Ridge Farm game. Milford open at home vs Tri-Point. Central is at Paris. Herscher is at Seneca, Bradley-Bourbonnis is at Kankakee, and McNamara open at Momence.

94.1 FM, WGFA —- since 1961



WGFA Breakfast Club Bull Sheet for 08/22/07

Remember, if you don’t think the jokes on today’s program are hilarious, it may be because, during birth, your obstetrician inadvertently damaged your sense of humor. You could get millions in a malpractice suit.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY - AUGUST 22, 2007 WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 123 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

  • Today is BE AN ANGEL DAY. The Angel Heights Healing Center of Upperco, Maryland, encourages you to do something nice for someone today. ***JUSTIN: Do you know what I think would be nice? If people would only send me emails that are properly punctuated and correctly spelled.
  • Today is NATIONAL PUNCTUATION DAY. ***JUSTIN: And this is a real pet-peeve of mine. I get emails all of the time with people that refuse to use punctuation or even capitalization in any way shape or form. A three page long email could have no period or exclamation points at all. It’s just one big run-on sentence from start to finish. It’s annoying - and for those of us who actually paid attention in English class and decided to put that knowledge to use in the real world, it’s painful to read. Please… capitalize the letter “I” if you’re talking about yourself. If it’s the end of sentence, please use a period or other punctuation mark to let us know that it’s the end of the sentence. And be sure to begin the next sentence by capitalizing the first letter. Please, for the sake of sanity. Now, for sake of demonstration, let me repeat everything I’ve said in the form of how these emails occasionally come to me. Please feel free to scream at anytime during the next run-on sentence. (and this is a real pet-peeve of mine i get emails all of the time with people that refuse to use punctuation or even capitalization in any way shape or form a three page long email could have no period or exclamation points at all its just one big runon sentence from start to finish its annoying and for those of us who actually paid attention in english class and decided to put that knowledge to use in the real world its painful to read please capitalize the letter i if you’re talking about yourself if its the end of sentence please use a period or other punctuation mark to let us know that its the end of the sentence and be sure to begin the next sentence by capitalizing the first letter please for the sake of sanity now for sake of demonstration let me repeat everything ive said in the form of how these emails occasionally come to me please feel free to scream at anytime during the next run-on sentence)
  • 1956: Elvis Presley became an actor as work began on the film The Reno Brothers. The movie was released in theatres as Love Me Tender, starring Elvis, Richard Egan, and Debra Paget. ***JUSTIN: Elvis died at the end of the movie - as should have his acting career.
  • Today is POCKET-PHONE DAY. British Telecom introduced the first pocket-phones on this date in 1989. ***JUSTIN: Good name for them too. The more you used them, the more they emptied your pockets!
  • 1997: Rossana Giusti won the job of grave digger at a cemetery in Prato, Italy, after the ten men competing against her all fainted and failed the test. The test was exhuming a body. ***JUSTIN: It just amazes me that there would be eleven people even competing for that job!
  • Today is NATIONAL TOOTH FAIRY DAY. ***JUSTIN: I caught my mom late one night when I was young. I’d lost my tooth the night before, and I woke up that night and saw my mom with her hand under my pillow. I was ticked. “MOM! The tooth fairy left that money for me!”

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (Libby Chessler on “Sabrina, The Teenage Witch”) Jenna Leigh Green 33
  • Actress (”Laverne & Shirley”, American Graffiti) Cindy Williams, 60
  • Actress (”Mary Tyler Moore Show”, “Rhoda”) Valerie Harper, 67
  • retired general Norman Schwarzkopf 73

RADIO PAPARAZZI

  • Steven Seagal wants an apology from federal investigators, who he says wrongly implicated him in a plot to scare a journalist who was working on a story about the actor’s possible ties to organized crime.
  • London’s Daily Telegraph reports that Jessica Biel thinks she is fat. ***JUSTIN: Does everyone in Hollywood need a shrink?
  • 11 extras were injured on the set of Tom Cruise’s latest movie over in Germany. All minor injuries.
  • Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy has landed a guest role in the next Batman movie.
  • Reese Witherspoon and her ex, Ryan Phillipe, are said to be taking a second swing at it. It would be nice to see a Hollywood couple reconcile their marriage.
  • Smyrna, Tennessee, is having lots of luck getting drivers to slow down and observe the speed limit using life-size cutouts of a cop holding a radar gun.
  • Simon Cowell says he’s good through “American Idol 9″ and then he’s done.
  • Janeane Garofalo is going to join the cast of “24″ next season. Cameras start rolling on season 7 September 10th.
  • Turns out that the story about J.K. Rowling now working on a mystery novel — all a rumor. She’s still enjoying a well-deserved break.
  • Lindsay Lohan is still in that Utah rehab center. No word on when she might emerge. Meanwhile, Cosmopolitan reports that 20% of Americans have never heard of Lindsay Lohan.
  • A Newsweek reporter asked for an interview with comedian/actor Jerry Lewis. Lewis said, “Sure… for $20,000.” ***JUSTIN: No word on whether it will go to Jerry’s Kids.
  • Barnes & Noble will not stock the new edition of O.J. Simpson’s “If I Did It.” It will only be available by special order or on its web site.
  • Alice Cooper is throwing his energy into building a Christian teen center in Phoenix for at-risk youths from the area, hoping to break ground by November.

NEWS KICKERS

  • At California’s Mount Diablo State Park, a 17-year-old boy survived but was seriously injured when he fell about 75 feet over a cliff onto a rock bed below. This all happened because he had climbed over a handrail in order to fake a fall so that his buddies could capture the fake plunge on video to put on his MySpace Web page. ***JUSTIN: Of course, the most important question is, “Did they get it on video?”
  • A woman in Thousand Oaks, California, went on vacation and came back to find a 50-foot tree in her yard missing. ***JUSTIN: You gotta be careful where you spray that RoundUp!
  • Vampire novelist Anne Rice has said on her web site that she’s pro-life, but also, pro-Hillary. ***JUSTIN: So a pro-life vampire author is voting for a pro-death, blood-sucking liberal.
  • The “High School Musical 2″’s debut on the Disney Channel drew an estimated audience of 17.2 million, which would make it the most-watched basic cable program ever, according to Nielsen Media Research. ***JUSTIN: Of course it had to be on the Disney Channel, where else could high school be so much fun that you’d want to sing and dance?
  • A store in Scottsdale, Arizona is offering a camera angled in such a way that women can see what their backsides look like in those jeans. ***JUSTIN: So please, in the name of all that is good, STOP asking your husbands!
  • In the Netherlands, a 13-year-old boy was fishing when he got the surprise catch of the day — a Dutch scuba diver! It seems the boy’s hook got caught in the scuba diver’s lip. Wim van Huffelen said, “I heard a sound on my head and immediately I felt a jerk on my lip. Local newspapers ran a delightful picture of the diver with the hook embedded in his lower lip. A doctor managed to later free him from the hook. ***JUSTIN: Sadly, it was a catch-and-release lake, so they had to throw the diver back.
  • Six high school seniors in Fort Kent, Maine, were charged with criminal trespass and criminal mischief after they let 45 chicks and 10 baby geese loose in their school, making a huge mess that forced the school to close for two days to clean up. ***JUSTIN: The smell was so bad, the cleanup crew cleared their heads by sticking them in gym lockers.
  • The journal Neuron reports that a study by Oxford Prof. Edmund Rolls proved that words can influence the way something tastes or smells. The findings confirm that diners perceive a restaurant as being better when the menu and waiter provide flowery descriptions of the wines and dishes. For instance, test subjects rated a scent as more pleasant when they were told it was called “cheddar cheese” than when it was called “body odor.” ***JUSTIN: Up until now my favorite snack was cheddar cheese.

AND NOW ANOTHER USELESS FACT

In many parts of the nation, kids head back to school this week. ***JUSTIN: There’s nothing more challenging and rewarding than teaching a student to read for the first time. The 12th grade is a gratifying experience.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. “Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.”

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

  • A man gets shot with a shotgun for playing his radio too loud!
  • FILE #1: An 80-year-old Toledo woman has been booked for unloading a shotgun on a man playing his radio too loud. Lillie Clouse is sitting in a Toledo jail cell for shooting at the man after he refused to lower the volume on his car stereo outside her home. Errant pellets from the 12-gauge round hit two children, but since the shotgun was purchased in 1959, as were the shells, they didn’t have the power to penetrate the children’s clothes. The intended victim was not hit. Lillie has been booked on charges of felonious assault and is being held without bail.
  • FILE #2: A 2002 ruling by the Oregon Supreme Court had a major impact on police for some time. You see, the court had ruled that all lawyers, including prosecutors, must obey the state bar association’s nearly absolute prohibitions against deceit. What this meant was, law enforcement could not engage in “undercover” and “sting” operations (which involved tricking suspects). So child pornographers were getting away with their crimes because prosecutors and police couldn’t pretend to be underage online to get the pedophiles. Fortunately, things have changed.
  • FILE #3: Rafael Morgan was test driving a Porsche when he was pulled over by the cops and ticketed for doing 60 in a 35 zone. When he returned to the dealership, he quickly sped away as soon as the salesperson got out of the car. It wasn’t that difficult for the cops to track the guy down, after all he had just given the officer his address when he was ticketed. The cops just drove to his home and found the Porsche outside and Rafael inside. It was when the cops arrested him that Rafael gave the REALLY dumb criminal excuse… he told them he didn’t steal the car, he just drove it home to see if it would fit into his garage. ***JUSTIN: To which they responded, “Hey, we’re not arresting you… we just want to see if your wrists can fit into these handcuffs.”
  • STRANGE LAW: In Minneapolis, Minnesota, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang.

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH

Having experience in a certain job field doesn’t mean you should be working in that job field.

Today’s Moment of Duh begins with someone applying for a job. Sherman P. Hawkins had a very impressive application for the vacant position of director of the Montana Department of Corrections. But Sherman was turned down for the position by the governor - despite his having 28 years of experience in the department and a master’s degree in administration! As the governor noted, however, Hawkins’ 28 years in the department of corrections were as an “inmate,” in that he is serving a life sentence for murdering his wife.

ADVICE YOU’LL NEVER HEAR WHEN USING THE ONSTAR BUTTON IN YOUR VEHICLE

  • Just walk away from your car and abandon it, it’s a junker anyway.
  • What made you think it would be quicker to cut through the park?
  • Get outa there fast! The cops are comin’!
  • You’re not going to take Market, are you?
  • I think that was already red.
  • Can you locate a coat hanger? Look around the parking lot.
  • If you didn’t break the law, then whata YOU care?!
  • I think the speed limit is 30 through here.
  • Get ahold of yerself!!!!
  • Only idiots lock their keys in the car.

OTHER STUFF

WEBSITE: Cool bandwidth tester = http://www.speedtest.net/

IT MUST BE TRUE, BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Ever wonder if the person on the other end of the phone is truly listening to what you’re saying? A new invention will solve that problem for you!

If you’ve ever wondered if that person you’re talking to on the phone is really paying attention, you may soon be able to find out thanks to the “Jerk-O-Meter.” Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are developing software for cell phones that would analyze speech patterns and voice tones to rate people - on a scale of 0 to 100 percent according to how engaged they are in a conversation. They say that the Jerk-O-Meter could assist telephone sales and marketing efforts and could help prevent arguments in relationships by forcing couples to be more attentive to one another. While they’re still working out the bugs, they say the Jerk-O-Meter could be ready to go in about six months. ***JUSTIN: Coinciding with the unexplained phenomenon of people canceling their cell-phone contracts.

MAYBE SHE SHOULD’VE BOUGHT A CHEVY

Carol Probst is good with a camera, which is a good thing as her insurance company would likely never have believed her claim that a goat totaled her truck. The Midway, Utah woman grabbed her camera and began snapping photos when she discovered that a goat had made its way into her garage and on top of her Dodge truck. The goat began walking in circles, stomping on the roof, and using its horns against the windshield and the truck’s paint job. Animal control finally showed up to put the goat out of commission with a tranquilizer dart and release it back into the mountains. ***JUSTIN: It was one ram defending it’s territory against another.

WANT TO BE THE COOLEST COP IN THE WORLD?

Then move to Austria. Police there are testing a new Porsche 911 as patrol cars to crack down on speeding motorists. The $120,000 sports car can do up to 177mph, and so far has been a major success - so much so that Austria is planning to buy more. A police spokesperson said, “The preventive effect is excellent. Drivers just needed to see it parked alongside the road and they slam on the breaks.” ***JUSTIN: The downside is the lack of passenger space - and if you’re placed under arrest, you have to stay in the trunk.

8 COMMON TICKET MYTHS

Here are the most common misconceptions surrounding tickets and how to beat them from Bankrate.com:

  • If the officer makes a single mistake on your ticket, the case is dropped — Clerical mistakes, such as a wrong number or wrong order of a person’s name, are usually overlooked. Material mistakes, like the identity of the driver, the direction of travel, the street or the description of the vehicle, can usually help a driver win the case.
  • If the officer doesn’t show up in court, you automatically win — Some judges will drop a case if the officer does not appear in court because defendants have the constitutional right to question their accusers. However, in most cases an officer not showing up will result in a dismissal.
  • Red cars get more tickets — There are no official studies to confirm that red cars do get more tickets, but some suggest the bold color tends to attract more attention from everyone — including police officers.
  • You need a lawyer to beat a ticket — With a little time and homework, many people successfully fight their own traffic tickets At the very least, first-time offenders for minor offenses can usually strike a plea bargain.
  • If you get a ticket in another state, your home state won’t find out about it — Reports on traffic violations and suspensions are usually forwarded to the home state of the nonresident.
  • You can make up an excuse to get out of the ticket — Most police officers aren’t interested in excuses. When an officer pulls you over, he already suspects you of an infraction.
  • A radar detector will ensure that you never get pulled over — Speeding drivers are also more likely to commit other infractions, and a radar detector can’t tell you when a cop is watching you run that red light or make an illegal turn.
  • If you don’t sign the ticket, it will be dismissed — Signing a ticket is not an admission of guilt, but merely an acknowledgement you received the ticket and a promise to appear in court.

LAZINESS EXTENDS YOUR LIFESPAN

Forget all that “nose to the grindstone” trash that’s been stuffed down your throat ever since you were a kid. A couch-potato lifestyle, free of stress, is definitely the way to go, say medical researchers Peter Axt and Michaela Axt Gadermann. In their book, “The Joy of Laziness: Why Life Is Better Slower, and How to Get There,” the authors prove that goofing off more and exercising less will make you smarter, younger looking, less cranky and more loveable. The German doctors developed a 5-step plan to lazy up and lengthen your life span.

Forget long-distance running — marathon athletes often die at an early age from heart attacks. Switch to a brisk but easy stroll several times a week to boost circulation.

If you live in a northern climate, think about moving south. Warm weather and sunshine dispel depression and alleviate stress.

Sleep in whenever possible. Long hours in bed pump up your immune system so your body can fight viruses and disease.

Combat the aging process by slowing down your metabolism with an occasional daily fast. Even digesting food can take a lot out of you.

Relax your brain by hanging out for a day doing absolutely nothing more strenuous than channel surfing. Do it as often as you can.

THE LEAST EXPECTED PRODUCTS USING NANO-TECHNOLOGY

It probably wouldn’t surprise owners of ultrathin cell phones or tiny iPod Nanos to discover that these miniature electronic miracles take advantage of the latest advances in nanotechnology, the science of rearranging atoms to create new materials and products. But would you expect to find tiny technology at work in the paint on your walls? In your perfumed night cream? In the seat of your pants? Though you can’t see it, nanotechnology is everywhere now, expanding the utility and appeal of basic products from cosmetics to all types of clothing.

  • Golf balls and tennis rackets: Manufacturers are always looking for the best new design to improve your score, but this sports equipment is truly high tech. Wilson previously made its nCode tennis rackets of standard carbon, but now uses nanotechnology to pack extra atoms between the carbon atoms to make the rackets stronger, but just as light. A nano-coating on NDliNX golf balls is meant to make them soar faster and feel firmer when hit, thanks to a higher-density polymer layer on the outside of the ball.
  • Stain-resistant khaki pants and ties: Ever wonder how those so-called stain resistant pants stay so clean? Dockers, Lands End and Brooks Brothers carry khaki pants and neckties whose fabrics have been redesigned to pack extra atoms between the fabric atoms to help repel liquids on the surface.
  • Shoe inserts and socks: Suffer from cold feet? Originally designed for NASA, Polarwrap has created its Toasty Feet inserts with built-in nano-size pockets of air to improve insulation and make them lightweight. Millions of nano-size silver particles are knitted into Sharper Image’s Antibacterial Silver Athletic and Lounging Socks to make them antibacterial and antifungal.
  • Food storage containers: These plastic containers are not your mother’s Tupperware. The polypropylene of Fresherlonger Miracle Storage containers is infused with nano-size silver particles that make it resistant to mold, fungus and bacteria.
  • Men’s razors: The FX Diamond razor uses nanotechnology to create a coating on its blades to make them more durable. Adding nano-particles to the blade metal increases the density, and thus the hardness. The Panasonic Arc electronic razor uses nano-particles in its blades to increase their sharpness.
  • Skin cream: Both L’Oreal and Lancome use nano-size “microlifters” in some of their face and eye wrinkle-reducing creams. These create a micro-size netting of molecules on the skin intended to smooth out wrinkles and reduce puffiness.
  • Household paint: Behr (bare) kitchen and bathroom paint is designed with nano-particles that increase the density of the paint to prevent the growth of mold and mildew on the walls.

COLLECTIBLES

There was a time not so long ago that you thought you would retire on your Beanie Baby collection. While the Beanies have taken a nosedive, there are still some hot collectibles to make money on. Vintage baseball cards and psychedelic posters from San Francisco’s Fillmore Ballroom are money makers. Then there are some collectibles that never go out of style like Chippendale or Queen Anne furniture. Believe it or not, other hot items are old fashioned weather vanes and appliances from the 1970s, if they’re in avocado, autumn harvest, or rust colors. Of course, the biggest collectible market is for toys, especially from the 1950’s and 60’s. However, if you don’t have any of that stuff and want to start planning for your future, look for what the kids are playing with nowadays. Those Bratz dolls might be a good place to start. Buy them now, stash them away and wait 20 years. Of course, whatever you do, don’t open the boxes or you’ll lose most of the value.

EWWW

While you might not think a law like this would even be necessary, Las Vegas city officials have made it illegal to sleep within 500 feet of urine or feces. It was part of a bill making it a misdemeanor to go to the bathroom in public. However, the city attorney says the new law was passed by mistake and won’t be enforced. Sweet dreams! ***JUSTIN: Just be sure you flush the toilet if you get up in the middle of the night!

WHAT DID YOU LEARN AT SCHOOL TODAY?

Aaron Lawton, 11, said he thought his teacher was just kidding when he told him, “If you miss an assignment, the whole class gets to deck you.” But a month later, when the Franklin Township, N.J., sixth-grader was late on a homework assignment, math teacher Maxie Rivers allegedly lined up the students and had them take turns hitting him. “Some of the punches were hard, some were soft and some were in between,” the boy said. Rivers’ attorney said the beating was “light-hearted” and that the kids only “tapped him kiddingly,” but a doctor found multiple bruises. Hillcrest School officials suspended the teacher with pay while they investigate the incident. (AP) ***JUSTIN: I didn’t realize there truly was a School of Hard Knocks.

WHAT WE CALL OUR SWEETHEARTS

  • (American Demographics - February 1998)
  • 48% Honey
  • 44% Baby
  • 41% Sweetheart
  • 39% Dear
  • 32% Lover
  • 31% Darling
  • 24% Sugar
  • 20% Angel
  • 13% Pumpkin
  • 6% Beautiful

REAL BUMPER STICKERS

  • Money talks - mine only says goodbye.
  • I started off with nothing - and I still have most of it left.
  • Driver carries only $20.00 in ammunition.
  • If this is a free country, how come I have to pay for everything?
  • Driver carries only $10.00. Wife and kids have the rest.

GOING TO THE DOGS

Like most men, David Allison picked his best friend to be the best man at his wedding. The difference is, David best man was “man’s best friend”. That’s right, he picked his pet dog. Allison’s dog Murphy, a boxer was dressed in a bow-tie and kilt for the ceremony. The dog obviously plays a big role in the life of Allison. The hairdresser also named his shop after his dog: “Murphy - Hair of the Dog”. No word on how his bride felt about the whole dog-thing. She reportedly is allergic.

JUST BECAUSE!

  • Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn’t mean you shine any less.
  • Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can’t be topped, doesn’t stop you from being the best.
  • Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn’t mean that day isn’t coming.
  • Just because no one has made this race worth while, doesn’t give you permission to stop running.
    ” Just because no one has realized how much of a woman you are, doesn’t mean they can affect your femininity.
  • Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, doesn’t mean you have to settle for a lower quality.
  • Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn’t mean you have to sink to theirs.
  • Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn’t mean that life is always fair.
  • Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn’t mean that you’re not already a queen.
  • Just because your situation doesn’t seem to be progressing right now, doesn’t mean you need to change a thing.

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE…

QUESTION: What is the body’s largest organ? The heart? The kidney? The liver?

ANSWER: Organs are any grouped tissues that form a functional unit. The large intestine sounds like a good choice, until we remember that at 5 feet it’s actually shorter than the 20-foot small intestine. The answer is something that few people realize is an organ: the skin. If the skin of a 150-pound person were spread out flat, it would cover approximately 20 square feet. So stop worrying about those extra pounds at your waistline - what’s a few inches out of 20 square feet?

IN-LAW AWARD

While most people say how much they hate their in laws and can’t stand to be around them, Italy has decided to have a mother-in-law contest to reward the good ones!

Sure, it’s great to make jokes about the in-laws; I’m sure our in-laws find them funny as well because they have in-laws of their own. But actually CELEBRATE your mother-in-law? That’s just not natural, is it? But those Italians have gone and ruined it for the rest of us and have shown that not all mothers-in-law are worth the trouble that we give them. A 56-year-old Italian woman has been awarded the title of “Miss Mother in Law International”. Lucia Brugnone won the contest for her singing performance of “O sole mio”, which was described as “stunning”. Some 50 mothers in law showed off skills ranging from singing to sock-mending and cat-walking in the contest in Italy. (Because, a good mother-in-law does those kinds of things in Italy, I guess.) Mothers in law were judged by the lifeguards association of Rimini, which organized the contest. The second prize was won by Maria Cascinari, who is 87, for the “longest running activity in taking care of her sons’ family”. ***JUSTIN: So FIRST prize goes to someone that can sing beautifully, but SECOND prize goes to someone that sacrifices her time and resources to take care of her son’s family? It’s more important for a mother in law to sing than to be a mother?

OFF WITH HER HEAD!

What’s worse than someone stealing candy from a baby? Stealing money from dying children, that’s what.
A former director of the Tampa, Fla., Make-a-Wish Foundation has pleaded no-contest to grand theft charges for misappropriating (a.k.a. STEALING) almost $20,000 that had been donated for dying children. She served three months in jail, and is now on house arrest, and with an order to repay $6,500 of the $20,000. If that’s not ugly enough, in June, she filed a lawsuit against the Make-a-Wish Foundation demanding back pay and unused vacation and sick pay going back to the date of her firing in June 1999 and demanded a court order restoring her as the foundation’s executive director. (Can you believe the gall of this woman?) It gets even better. Her first name is Delores, and she uses the surname of her husband, the lawyer who filed her lawsuit, Jack W. Crooks. Yep, her name is Delores Crooks.

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS

Would Jesus attend church services if he were on earth today? A lot of people say no. To me, that’s totally outrageous!

It’s sometimes interesting to think about what life would be like if Jesus were still here on earth. One research group wondered if Jesus would attend church services, and after surveying 931 people, about 61 percent of them believe that Jesus would not bother going to church if he were alive. And almost half of all the Christians surveyed (43 percent) believed that the church as an organization puts people off Christianity. (What church are THESE people going to? If they really feel that way, they need to find a new church!) Then again, you have to wonder if these people are truly born-again Christians, because 71 percent of these so-called Christians only go to church a couple of times a year or not at all. And yet, 48 percent of these people believed themselves to be spiritual. Sounds to me like maybe they need to spend more time in church learning more about Jesus whom they assume to know.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people. –George Bernard Shaw

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Justin Kaiser or WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.



WGFA NEWS Wednesday, August 22, 2007

ILLIANA NEWS NOTES ON WGFA FOR Wednesday, August 22, 2007 >

Ashkum Homecoming this weekend, WGFA broadcasting….. Garbage issue for Sheldon…… Gilman council discusses smoking ordinance…… George Ryan’s conviction upheld, lawyers seek recourse…….

ANOTHER CHANCE OF T-STORMS THIS AFTERNOON WITH A HIGH AT 91. THE HEAT INDEX LIKELY TO REACH 97. WINDS AT 5-10 FROM THE SOUTHWEST.

  • The Ashkum Lions Club Homecoming runs this weekend Friday through Sunday. A local Talent Showcase is featured at 7 pm Friday. Saturday’s Kiddie parade is set for 11 am. Family Feud competition is at 3 pm. The Silhouettes perform from 8-11 pm. WGFA’s “live” broadcast is from 11-1 pm.
  • The Kaufmann Disposal Service of Cissna Park will provide garbage pickup in Sheldon. The Sheldon Village Board chose Kaufmann over Allied Waste on a 5-1 vote. Mayor Butch Wang said the service is likely to start in October or November. It’ll cost local residents $14 per month for the weekly pickup. Residents will be billed on their water statement.
  • The Gilman City Council is trying to decide how to deal with a new state law banning smoking in public places. The law restricts taverns and restaurants, so now liquor license-holders want to serve alcohol outside with food orders. Many restaurants and taverns are electing to set up outside ’serving areas,’ to accomodate smoking customers.
  • Gibson City police lieutenant Chris Decker is resigning from the local police department. The 48-year-old, facing a domestic battery charge, has announced he’ll step aside Friday. The charge stems from an alleged incident at his home August 12th. Mayor Dan Dickey said the Council voted Tuesday to accept Decker’s resignation.
  • The corruption conviction of for er Governor George Ryan survived another step in the legal process. A three-judge appeals court panel Tuesday upheld the conviction 2-1. Ran was sentenced to 6 and a-half years in prison on corrution and fraud charges. Lawyers are back in the courtroom today.
  • –More area news on WGFA NEWS LINKS.–

 

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