Due to a lack of serious preparation, 90% of the following Bull Sheet has been stolen from the preceding Bull Sheet for improved presentation at this time.

TODAY IS TUESDAY – JULY 24, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 153 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

• On this day in 1998 a 48-year-old woman told police her dentist stormed into a crowded Wiesbaden, Germany, bar and yanked out her dentures because she failed to pay her dental bill. Police later found the dentures at the dentist’s office. ***JUSTIN: The police had no choice - they HAD to take a bit out of crime!
• Today is NATIONAL POP A WHEELIE DAY. ***JUSTIN: I did it all the time as a kid on my bicycle – but the closest I get to popping a wheelie nowadays is leaning too far back in my office chair.
  On this day in 1987, 91-year-old Hulda Crooks became the oldest person ever to climb Japan’s Mt. Fuji. When her team reached the summit, Hulda said, “Hey, dudes — how do I get down from here?” (She really said that!)
• Today is COUSINS DAY, a time to honor all cousins. ***JUSTIN: Yeah, we’re all cousins. That’s what I believe. Because we’re all children of Adam and Eve. (“Kissing Cousins,” sung by Elvis Presley)

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

• actress (Rogue in the X-Men movies, Darkness, Finding Forester) Anna Paquin 25
• actress-singer (An Unfinished Life, Monster-In-Law, Selena) Jennifer Lopez 38
• actress (Sydney Andrews on “Melrose Place”) Laura Leighton 39
• actor (Dwayne Cleophus Wayne on “A Different World”) Kadeem Hardison is 42
• actress (“Wonder Woman,” Sky High) Lynda Carter is 56
• actor (Kramer on “Seinfeld”) Michael Richards 58
• comedienne (“Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In,” ) Ruth Buzzi 71

RADIO PAPARAZZI…

Brigitte Nielson is the latest celebrity to check into a rehab center.

Lindsay Lohan has turned herself in to police, in connection with a Memorial Day weekend car crash she was involved in.

Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, did you know she owns 5000 pairs of shoes? ***JUSTIN: None of which match an orange prison jumpsuit.

Justin Timberlake opened up a new restaurant in New York last Wednesday night. Guests at the new “Southern Hospitality” included Jay-Z, Lance Bass, Seth Green, and ‘Sopranos’ actress Jamie-Lynn Siegler.

Jodie Sweetin, who starred on ABC-TV’s “Full House” Married Cody Herpin on July 14 at the Little Church of the West, a Las Vegas Strip wedding chapel, reports CelebTV.com.

The party of the weekend was in Los Angeles… where Tom & Katie teamed up with Will & Jada to throw a “Welcome to L.A.” party for the Beckhams. It was at the Museum of Contemporary Art on Sunday. ***JUSTIN: He was so excited to be welcoming the Beckhams that Tom Cruise began jumping up and down on his couch.

NEWS KICKERS…

Here’s something enterprising. Many British churches have recently installed the new Hymnal Plus– a karaoke machine designed to help congregations recite verses and sing hymns. ***JUSTIN: The selections even include the ever so risky disco version of “Kum Bay Ya.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is going to publish her memoirs. ***JUSTIN: Yawn.

A new study has found that people who take a short break in the middle of their exercise regime tend to burn more fat than those who exercise non-stop. ***JUSTIN: That is such balderdash. I’m now to the point of continually taking a break from any exercise – and I’m not burning fat at all.

The latest high-tech TV coming soon to a living room near you could also save many marriages. Sharp is coming out with a new TV that can show two different channels, all depending on which angle you view it from. It also means you can surf the Internet with one screen, while watching TV on the other. The only glitch is that the images overlap if you sit directly in front of the screen. ***JUSTIN: Now THAT would be entertaining television! You could see the Energizer Bunny being arrested for battery on Law & Order!

A Missouri man is accused of fraud for offering designer clothes on eBay, then allegedly sending the buyers garbage and feces. ***JUSTIN: Okay, so people bought garbage on eBay – what’s so new about that?

Emil Kacic, a wealthy Croatian lawyer, says he must be the ugliest man in the world because 5,000 women have rejected his marriage proposal. ***JUSTIN: I’ve done the math on this. To ask 5,000 women over a span of 20 years, he’d have to ask a woman to marry him just about every other day. Sounds to me like it’s not being ugly that’s his problem - he’s just extremely impatient!

If you sleep just one extra hour a night every night for a year, you’ll lose 10 pounds. That’s the claim of “The Duvet Diet,” a sleep-yourself-thinner plan advanced by author Jane Worthington. ***JUSTIN: Beginning Monday, the morning show will begin an hour later. Make that two hours – I have a lot to loose.

FRIGHTENING STORY…

This story happened about a month ago in a little town in Alabama, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s not.

This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night passed slowly and no cars went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It slowly crept toward him - silently - and stopped. Reflexively, the guy got into the car and closed the door, then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel.

The car slowly started moving again. The guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve. The guy started to pray, begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and he would plunge to his death, when just before the curve, a hand came from out of the darkness thru the window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.

Paralyzed with terror, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally, the guy gathered his wits and leaped from the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, told everybody about his horrible, supernatural experience. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was not drunk and could very well be telling the truth.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the same bar. One said to the other, “Look Billy Bob, thar’s that idjit what rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain.”

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER…

Crime and forgetfulness are NOT a good combination!

FILE #1: A joyride didn’t turn out to be much joy for several San Jose car thieves. After stealing the car, they drove a few hundred miles north to the town of Chico, California. That’s where police saw them trying to break into a car. It was the same car they had stolen. It seems the crooks had locked the keys inside the stolen car. Or, so they thought. When Chico Police Officer Jose Lara frisked the bad guys, he found the keys in one of the men’s pockets.

FILE #2: It must have been good wine. It made a Washington robber change his mind last month. Police and guests at a Capitol Hill backyard-gathering say a hooded man burst in, put a gun to a girl’s head and demanded money. Instead, the girl’s mother offered him some wine. He took a sip and remarked on how good it was, then took a bite of cheese. Then he told the group he must have come to the wrong house and put the gun in his pocket. Police and party-goers say the whole thing ended in a group hug before the intruder walked away. The commander in charge of patrols in the area says once they had him in a hug, they shouldn’t have let him go. Police are still looking for the guy.

FILE #3: A Chicago bank robber came up with a scheme to eliminate that clumsy ‘running to the waiting getaway car’ part of the heist. Police say a man drove up to a bank drive-through window and passed a stick up note to the teller through the tube. Despite the fact he never displayed a weapon or even implied that he had one, and despite the fact that the teller was safe in a building separate from the crook, she handed over the money. The man sped away with over $56,000.

STRANGE LAW: No one may take a bath without a prescription in Boston, MA.

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH…

Smoking is bad for your health… and we’ll prove that in today’s Moment of Duh.

A woman, visiting a friend in a United Kingdom hospital, chose to ignore the doctors who told her she could not smoke in the hospital. She decided to smoke anyway by puffing out the window. While doing so, she fell out the window dropping 65 feet into an ASH tree. I just love irony, don’t you?

OTHER STUFF…

CAN THEY PROVE IT?

Sean Morton, founder of The Prophecy Research Institute in California has recently produced an audio tape that has nothing but a high pitched sound on it. According to Morton, he did so to “keep aliens away” since “aliens function on a relatively simple, three-level energy system, and this overloads their nervous systems”. So far so good, as he hasn’t seen any aliens since he came up with this theory! ***JUSTIN: Constant high-pitched sounds… couldn’t you also get that at a Sandy Patti concert?

CHEAP GAS

The cure for high gas prices could be in your kitchen pantry. 17-year-old Nick Oberlin’s school project of using cooking oil for fuel could someday save you some money at the gas pump. Oberlin, a high school student from Ohio, concocted a fuel made from old canola oil he gets from a hardware store and local restaurants. The fuel is not only cheap — about 32 cents a gallon to make — but also good for the environment. After winning top honors in several local, regional, and state science fairs, Oberlin failed to win any awards at the International Science and Engineering Fair in Detroit. But all is not bad for Nick, who is looking to further develop his discovery. He hopes to get financial assistance from Volkswagen, maker of the Jetta that rolls along on canola-based fuel. ***JUSTIN: Oils well that ends well!

DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

Robots apparently are not vegetarians. Scientists in Florida have developed a robot that is powered by eating meat! Dubbed “Chew Chew the Gastrobot”, a 12-wheeled train-like robot runs on a microbial fuel cell, which breaks down food with bacteria and converts it into electrical energy. The cell works by producing enzymes that break down carbohydrates, releasing energy. Inventor Stuart Wilkinson of the University of South Florida says the ideal fuel for his robot is meat. Chew Chew may be developed into a lawnmower that eats grass clippings. A similar type of robot is being made in England that is powered by eating slugs. ***JUSTIN: And the slugbot makes its own lubricant too!

CLEANLINESS IS NOT NEXT TO GODLINESS!

Some experts say Americans are obsessively clean with our use of anti-bacterial’s. So clean, that it might be counterproductive. The problem is that all that scrubbing and sponging may be weakening our immune systems, killing helpful germs and spurring the growth of mutant strains of super bacteria. Stuart Levy, a Tufts University geneticist, says Americans are being swayed by advertising campaigns to be so clean and use so much anti-bacterial products. Levy says, “Sometimes, bacteria are the good guys, strengthening our bodies’ defenses and warding off germs”. Levy said research has proved that overuse of anti-bacterial’s, like antibiotics, will create stronger, more dangerous strains of bacteria. ***JUSTIN: So, parents… give the kid a break. If he doesn’t want to take a bath for two weeks, just consider it an alternate health plan.

GIANT JURY AWARD

Want to make a lot of money by suing your doctor for malpractice? Make sure you get injured in New York!

As if jury awards weren’t large enough already, New York has a law on the books that was passed back in 1985 to make sure medical malpractice victims are adequately compensated from the date of their injury. What this means is that judges in these cases are required to add mandatory interest payments to all awards. Therefore, in a 1990 case against New York Presbyterian Hospital, which was finally approved by the New York State Supreme Court in 2003, the jury’s original $40 million dollar award had 13 years worth of interest added to it which automatically increased it to $140 million. ***JUSTIN: I’m getting this sudden, indescribable urge to move to New York for a month, get injured, and then go to court!

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do stores sell things for a penny under the dollar? Why sell something for $7.99 instead of just $8.00?

Melville Stone, who worked his way up from newspaper carrier to publisher of the Chicago Daily News, first started his newspaper in 1875, the price was a penny. Circulation rose rapidly at first, then leveled off. Then sales started lagging. When Stone investigated why fewer people were buying his paper, he discovered the problem had nothing to do with its quality. Pennies were in short supply. Stone decided he had to do something. First he traveled to the United States mint in Philadelphia and brought about the transfer of barrels of pennies to Chicago. The problem then became how to get the pennies into circulation. So Stone persuaded Chicago merchants to sponsor “odd-price sales,” during which they would sell their merchandise for a penny under the regular price. The odd prices did the trick. People had pennies again, and Stone’s paper flourished. And that is why store items today cost “$8.99,” or $12.99,” instead of even dollar amounts. ***JUSTIN: Sure, it’s an odd story… but it pays off in the end, doesn’t it!

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…

Actually, I thought today’s program went pretty well until I noticed my engineer climbing the tower and shooting off rescue flares.

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Justin Kaiser or WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there… nyah!

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.

HERE’s TODAY’s NEWS NOTES OF INTEREST ON WGFA FOR A TUESDAY, JULY 24, 2007 > Livestock Sale closes out Iroquois Fair….. An Indiana Fair queen keeps her crown despite photos….. Iroquois fairgoer’s voice concerns at polling place…… Governor signs NO SMOKING bill into law……. latest crop report………

Mostly sunny today with a high near 83. Calm winds increasing to around 5 mph from the east.

• Iroquois County’s Livestock Sale closed out the 2007 County Fair at Crescent City Monday. The sale brought $124, 711 for the many 5-H and FFA projects. The sale figure is $10,000 above last year’s numbers. The family of the late Darin Krones benefitted from a sale of $8370 for Darin’s 4-H Premiere Carcass. Darin died in an accident earlier this year. He was a member of the Danforth Blue Ribbon and Iroquois West FFA.
• The Iroquois fair visitors have a big concern about Health Insurance Costs. That was an issue to be voted on at this year’s Opinion Poll Voting Booth at the Commercial Building. County Clerk Mark Henrichs provides the totals from the opinion poll. Of the 432 voters who participated, 224 said Insurance Costs concern them the most, followed by gas prices and increasing utility rates. Three hundred eighty one voters said Windfarms would benefit Iroquois County. Forty one said they would not.
• Could have been the great weather, but 2,000 more people visited the County Fair this year than last. The Fair Board reports 76, 397 went thru the gates.
• A 20-yr-old Fair Queen from Indiana will keep her crown despite the discovery of some incriminating photos. The Gary-Post Tribune reports Karlie Schultz held on to her crown in Porter County, even though another contestance anonymously showed the fair board mmebers picturee of her rival holding liquor and beer. The queen and her mother had to sign a contract saying she would abstain from alcochol, tobacco, and unbecoming conduct during her reign. Schultz said it was “inappropriate” for someone to try to defame her and the role of fair queen.
• Governor Rod Blagojevich has signed into law NO SMOKING legislation. Begining January 1st, signs go up making it illegal to smoke in bars, restaurants, casinos, bowling alleys, hospitals and most other “indoor workplaces.”
• – MOre area news on WGFA NEWS LINKS –

94.1 FM, WGFA —- since 1961

HERE’s TODAY’s NEWS NOTES OF INTEREST ON WGFA FOR A TUESDAY, JULY 24, 2007 > Livestock Sale closes out Iroquois Fair….. An Indiana Fair queen keeps her crown despite photos….. Iroquois fairgoer’s voice concerns at polling place…… Governor signs NO SMOKING bill into law……. latest crop report………

Mostly sunny today with a high near 83. Calm winds increasing to around 5 pmp from the east.

• Iroquois County’s Livestock Sale closed out the 2007 County Fair at Crescent City Monday. The sale brought $124, 711 for the many 5-H and FFA projects. The sale figure is $10,000 above last year’s numbers. The family of the late Darin Krones benefitted from a sale of $8370 for Darin’s 4-H Premiere Carcass. Darin died in an accident earlier this year. He was a member of the Danforth Blue Ribbon and Iroquois West FFA.
• The Iroquois fair visitors have a big concern about Health Insurance Costs. That was an issue to be voted on at this year’s Opinion Poll Voting Booth at the Commercial Building. County Clerk Mark Henrichs provides the totals from the opinion poll. Of the 432 voters who participated, 224 said Insurance Costs concern them the most, followed by gas prices and increasing utility rates. Three hundred eighty one voters said Windfarms would benefit Iroquois County. Forty one said they would not.
• Could have been the great weather, but 2,000 more people visited the County Fair this year than last. The Fair Board reports 76, 397 went thru the gates.
• A 20-yr-old Fair Queen from Indiana will keep her crown despite the discovery of some incriminating photos. The Gary-Post Tribune reports Karlie Schultz held on to her crown in Porter County, even though another contestance anonymously showed the fair board mmebers picturee of her rival holding liquor and beer. The queen and her mother had to sign a contract saying she would abstain from alcochol, tobacco, and unbecoming conduct during her reign. Schultz said it was “inappropriate” for someone to try to defame her and the role of fair queen.
• Governor Rod Blagojevich has signed into law NO SMOKING legislation. Begining January 1st, signs go up making it illegal to smoke in bars, restaurants, casinos, bowling alleys, hospitals and most other “indoor workplaces.”
• – MOre area news on WGFA NEWS LINKS –

94.1 FM, WGFA —- since 1961

Hi. Sorry, that’s about all I have the energy for right now.

TODAY IS MONDAY – JULY 23, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 154 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

• Today is HOT ENOUGH FOR YA? DAY. ***JUSTIN: In other words, “I really have nothing to say to you, but I want to appear cordial.”
• Today is REMEMBER TO FEED THE HUMMINGBIRDS DAY. Hang the feeder outside a window so the cat can watch. ***JUSTIN: My bride Robin calls it “Kitty TV.”
• It’s DIET COKE DAY. The Coca-Cola Company introduced Diet Coke on this date in 1982. ***JUSTIN: Which made me feel a lot better when I went out to get two Quarter Pounders with cheese and a hot apple pie.
• This is ICE CREAM CONE DAY. In 1904 Charles E. Menches of St. Louis invented the ice cream cone. ***JUSTIN: Before that you had to eat the ice cream as it was held in your hand and melted down your wrist. Sounds sticky, but it kept you cool!
• Today is NATIONAL VANILLA ICE CREAM DAY. ***JUSTIN: I got a bit angry when I first saw this day, but I misread it. I thought it said today was “Vanilla Ice Day.”

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

• intern-author Monica Lewinsky 34
• comedian Marlon Wayans 35
• actor Woody Harrelson 46
• former radio personality Don Imus 67

RADIO PAPARAZZI…

Penelope Cruz says her friends don’t think it’s very cool, but she is addicted to karaoke.

What’s Pamela Anderson up to lately? Well, she’s in Las Vegas these days, working as a magician’s assistant. No kidding. She says she’ll stay on stage as Hans Klok’s assistant at the Vegas Planet Hollywood through the end of the year.

Oprah Winfrey is going to hold a huge fund-raiser for Barrack Obama at her Santa Barbara, California, estate on September 8th.

Britney Spears has been hired to host the grand opening of the new LAX Club at the Luxor in Vegas August 31. ***JUSTIN: Assuming she can get the night off from her waitressing job.

NBC says no more “Law & Order” episodes that contain Fred Thompson after September 1… just in case Fred runs for President. All so they can avoid an “equal time” conflict.
How about this guy for the new host of “The Price is Right!”… Drew Carey!

NEWS KICKERS…

Tiger Woods reveals his workouts last up to three hours as many as six days a week! ***JUSTIN: And now you know why you stink at golf.

There’s a cattle rustler on the loose in upstate New York. But the crook isn’t after beef-on-the-hoof. He’s got a taste for plastic cows. Pool contractor Ed Keil says three of his life-sized cows were stolen from outside his business around the Fourth of July. One of the cows was returned a few days later, and the other came home yesterday. But his plastic calf is still missing. Keil is a former dairy farmer who says he still likes having cows around, even if they don’t move or moo. Troopers who found one of the missing fake cows say it’s the strangest piece of stolen property they’ve ever come across. ***JUSTIN: Even if they catch the guy, all they can charge him with is a MOOving violation. (Okay, so it was a terrible pun, but c’mon – you knew I’d milk this story as best I could!)

It’s not nice to hassle the hippos. That’s the lesson Kansas City Zoo officials want to teach a couple of teen-aged boys. Zoo director Randy Wisthoff says the 14-year-olds were arrested after they climbed into the hippo exhibit and threw rocks at the two-ton animals. Wisthoff says the teens were trying to impress a girl. The two hippos got mad and charged at the boys. Officials say neither the teen-agers nor the animals were hurt. But the experts say taunting hippos is a pretty dumb thing to do. They’re big and they can run faster than humans. John Davis, a nationally recognized authority on hippos, says the animals have the size, intelligence, speed, and the teeth, to protect their territory. ***JUSTIN: While these boys don’t have the bulk, speed or teeth to defeat a hippo… nor do they have the intelligence to impress their girlfriends.

Harold and Martha Smith are tired of getting crates of wine, cheese platters and boxes of frozen fish. The deliveries are meant to go to the swanky St. Regis Resort about about a mile-and-a-half away from their oceanfront home in Dana Point, California. The Smiths and the hotel have nearly identical street addresses: the hotel’s address is One Monarch Beach Resort and the house is at One Monarch Bay. The Smiths say they get misdirected mail or deliveries about once a week, despite repeated complaints. Seventy-five-year-old Martha Smith says it’s really getting her “dander up.” ***JUSTIN: But it’s free wine, cheese, and fish! What’s there to complain about?

A study by the Environmental Working Group found that umbilical-cord blood samples taken from unborn babies contained a number of harmful chemicals, including mercury, pesticides, and gasoline byproducts. ***JUSTIN: So to protect the environment plans are now underway to ban babies.

The sentence is life — for two of the jurors. Lots of people try to get out of jury duty, but Traci Nagy and Jonathan Cinkay found love during a New York murder trial. They picked up their marriage license last week. The judge who presided over the case is to marry them next month. The couple’s first “date” was lunch during one long break. They had plenty of time to get to know to each other. The jurors aren’t allowed to discuss the case during the trial, so they talked about movies, travel and just about everything else. While two of the jurors were making goo-goo eyes, there was no love lost on the defendant. He was convicted. ***JUSTIN: But will only go to jail after being the ring bearer.

Doctors in England say obsession with celebrities combined with television makeover shows are causing a rise in cosmetic surgery in Britain, with the most popular operations being facelifts and chemical peels. ***JUSTIN: You’d think in Britain they’d be asking for cosmetic dentistry.

It seems there are places in the world where Polo is not quite the refined gentlemen’s game it has become known for. In a remote area of Pakistan, the Gilgit tribe beat the Chitral tribe, 9-6, in this year’s annual, bloody, take-no-prisoners, referee-less polo match. Despite its viciousness and extreme violence, some observers say the match is good because it keeps actual war from breaking out between the tribes. During the match clubbing of opponents is rampant, horses are treated more reverently than players, and when a star player was thrown and landed on his head, motionless and thought perhaps even to be dead, fans simply screamed for him to be cleared from the field quickly so the match could continue. Fortunately he only had a broken neck and concussion. ***JUSTIN: And when is the next Ice Hogs game again? (For those of you not in Rockford, IL – that’s our hockey team.)

AND NOW ANOTHER USELESS FACT…

You have to wonder about the reason for this study. In a Macquarie University study in Australia, new moms were asked to sniff unlabeled soiled diapers, and it was found that they preferred the smell of their own babies’ diaper-messes ***JUSTIN: Fathers who were asked to sniff the soiled diapers preferred to punch the researchers.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY…

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The women were arguing noisily even in the court. The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them said, “We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can’t listen to all of you at once. I’ll hear the oldest first.” The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH…

If you’re going to do rap music which talks about bombing people, it’s best not to be employed at an airport.

Bassam Khalaf recently lost his job as a baggage screener at George Bush Intercontinental Airport. For those aspiring to land an airport security job, you may want to take a tip from Bassam. Don’t let your supervisors know about your aspiring rap career, especially if you call yourself the Arabic Assassin and have recorded a CD called “Terror Alert,” in which you rap about flying a plane into a building and describe yourself as a “crazy, suicidal Arabic equipped with bombs.” Bassam’s supervisors found out and now he’d better hope his rap career takes off because he’s been fired from his day job.

MOVIE CRITIC, MARIE ASNER WITH “THE TICKET”…

The family ratings system for The Breakfast Club Bull Sheet are from Zero (no family value) to 5 (excellent) - for films, ratings include actors, director, plot, language, sexual content, violence, etc. Get more from Marie Asner at PhantomTollBooth.org!

OPENED JULY 20…

HAIRSPRAY - John Travolta dons a fat suit and plays a woman named Edna Turnblad in this musical. He is “mother” to Tracy Turnblad (Nikki Blonsky), a plump teenager who feels out of place until she auditions—and gets—a starring role on a TV dance program (think the early Dick Clark shows like “American Bandstand.” ) Michelle Pfeiffer is Velma Von Tussle, who thinks Nikki is too fat to be on television. Christopher Walken is Nikki’s father and Queen Latifah, the owner of a record shop. “Hairspray” was first a musical by John Waters, then a production with Rikki Lake, then a Broadway musical and now a film. You will find your feet tapping to the 1960’s music. It is usual here for a man to take the Edna Turnblad role. This is all to be taken with a grain of salt. “Hairspray” is rated PG for language and some suggestive situations and teen smoking. Family Friendly rating of 1 for fans of musicals or to try to recognize John Travolta. The rising star is Nikki Blonsky.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY- the trailers were tiresome and the film has crude and obvious humor. You know, the kind that hits you over the head so you see that a joke just occurred. Adam Sandler is paired with Kevin James and they hit on the idea of posing as a gay couple in order to qualify for benefits. Jessica Biel plays their social worker. Couldn’t someone have come up with a better comedic idea? Kevin James is the lively one because Sandler looks bored. “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” is rated PG 13 for crude humor, sexual content, language and drug references. Family Friend rating of zero.

INTRODUCING THE DWIGHTS - This is an Australian comedy starring Brenda Blethyn as a reactive mother who tries to keep her children close while she pursues her stage career. A problem occurs when teenager Khan Chittenden starts to date Rebecca Gibney.. What’s a Mom to do? Well, relax for one and quit the hysterics. Dad is on stage, too, and has his own fans. The film gives “possessive” new meaning. It takes a bit to get used to regional accents. “Introducing The Dwights” is rated R for sexual content and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.

OPENS JULY 27…

I KNOW WHO KILLED ME has Lindsay Lohen escaping from a serial killer and assumes another identity. Gruesome.

THE SIMPSON’S MOVIE says it all. The television characters are now on the big screen.

NO RESERVATIONS is a remake of “Mostly Martha,” a film about a single chef who becomes the guardian of her young niece. Catherine Zeta-Jones stars.

SUNSHINE is a science fiction film about Earth’s sun dying. Cast includes Cillian Murphy.

TALK TO ME has Don Cheadle as a talk show host in the 1960’s.

OTHER STUFF…

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS

A teacher is verbally abused by his students for eight years - and the school district refuses to punish the students in any way!

Political Correctness strikes again! A New York City teacher is suing the city because he claims the special needs students in his class harassed him over an eight-year period and that the city did nothing to discipline the students or stop the abuse. He’s asking for $250,000. According to political correctness, students that are already considered “learning challenged” or “special” and participate in verbal abuse towards others are considered to be “behaviorally disabled”. Because of that, the verbal abuse of a “special needs” student is considered beyond the ability for that student to control it - therefore the student cannot be punished or reprimanded because that would violate the disability laws. According to New York’s attorney, special needs students can only be suspended for physical violence, drugs or a dangerous weapon violation. Mouthing off and verbal harassment are apparently OK because you don’t want to damage their self-esteem by reacting against it.

THE ART OF MAKING CHANGE

An interesting work of art has been defaced - and boy is the artist mad!

While “starving artists” tend to get the most prestige, Rick Magnuson went a different direction and actually placed an authentic $100 bill in the center of one of his paintings! Why would he do such a thing? Well, he calls it “conceptual artwork”. Hanging in an Aspen, Colorado art museum is the piece of work entitled, “I Dare You to Steal This $100.” Well, who can ignore a challenge like that, right? After about a month, someone finally took him up on his challenge. They took the C-note but interestingly enough, left five $20 bills in its place. That’s right… they made change for Rick’s painting! Rick is pretty upset about it. “I wanted someone to try and steal it and catch them,” he said. “This makes it vague now. It ruined the whole aesthetics for me and I don’t think it’s a valuable piece of art anymore because it’s been defaced.” ***JUSTIN: Valuable piece of art – worth about a hundred bucks.

THE NEW SLEEP & EAT DIET!

How would you like to lose weight just by sleeping? No, it’s not some new pill you take… you don’t have to spend a dime!

Want to lose weight? Forget the crash diet… just crash! Get some sleep! A study from the University of Chicago has found lots of sleep speeds up you metabolism and can lead you to experience weight loss. Deep sleep increases production of growth hormones, those hormones speed up your metabolism - which burns off even more calories. The scientists suggest tablets can be taken to speed up metabolism if busy people have no time for extra sleep. ***JUSTIN: By the way, this is completely bogus. I sleep ten hours every night, take a two-hour nap every day, and I’m STILL overweight!

JOYFUL NOISE?

Feeling stressed? Get rid of the noise!

Do you feel a lot of stress on the job? Is your work environment noisy and loud? That could be the reason! Even if you’re used to lots of noise, loud sounds on the job increase stress, they keep you from staying focused, and decrease your motivation. A recent study on the subject also claims that people working in loud environments are less willing to make adjustments to their chairs and workstations - which means more aches and pains for the person. ***JUSTIN: And yet, all I DO is make noise for a living! For me to alleviate my stress, I’d have to get fired!

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What do hospitals mean when they say that someone’s condition is “stable,” “serious,” “critical” or some other melodramatic adjective?

I’ve often suspected that HMO’s reimburse the hospitals on a schedule that takes into account the weight of the words they use. “Stable”, “serious”, “critical”… but conjecture aside, there are general, although not rigidly explicit rules for the use of these words to frighten patients’ friends and relatives.

On the low end of the scare scale are “good,” “fair,” “stable” and “satisfactory” (to whom, their creditors?). Put away the Valium, the greatest threat to these patients is hospital food

“Serious” is a question mark. It means pretty doggoned sick, possibly not stable, but in no immediate threat of falling into a coma or dying.

“Critical” is the flashing red light. This patient is unstable, may not even be conscious, and his or her life is in danger. But at least they don’t have to eat the Jell-O.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…

For copies of today’s jokes, just look out behind the studios in the dumpster.

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Justin Kaiser or WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there… nyah!

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.

Hi. Sorry, that’s about all I have the energy for right now.

TODAY IS MONDAY – JULY 23, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 154 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

• Today is HOT ENOUGH FOR YA? DAY. ***JUSTIN: In other words, “I really have nothing to say to you, but I want to appear cordial.”
• Today is REMEMBER TO FEED THE HUMMINGBIRDS DAY. Hang the feeder outside a window so the cat can watch. ***JUSTIN: My bride Robin calls it “Kitty TV.”
• It’s DIET COKE DAY. The Coca-Cola Company introduced Diet Coke on this date in 1982. ***JUSTIN: Which made me feel a lot better when I went out to get two Quarter Pounders with cheese and a hot apple pie.
• This is ICE CREAM CONE DAY. In 1904 Charles E. Menches of St. Louis invented the ice cream cone. ***JUSTIN: Before that you had to eat the ice cream as it was held in your hand and melted down your wrist. Sounds sticky, but it kept you cool!
• Today is NATIONAL VANILLA ICE CREAM DAY. ***JUSTIN: I got a bit angry when I first saw this day, but I misread it. I thought it said today was “Vanilla Ice Day.”

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

• intern-author Monica Lewinsky 34
• comedian Marlon Wayans 35
• actor Woody Harrelson 46
• former radio personality Don Imus 67

RADIO PAPARAZZI…

Penelope Cruz says her friends don’t think it’s very cool, but she is addicted to karaoke.

What’s Pamela Anderson up to lately? Well, she’s in Las Vegas these days, working as a magician’s assistant. No kidding. She says she’ll stay on stage as Hans Klok’s assistant at the Vegas Planet Hollywood through the end of the year.

Oprah Winfrey is going to hold a huge fund-raiser for Barrack Obama at her Santa Barbara, California, estate on September 8th.

Britney Spears has been hired to host the grand opening of the new LAX Club at the Luxor in Vegas August 31. ***JUSTIN: Assuming she can get the night off from her waitressing job.

NBC says no more “Law & Order” episodes that contain Fred Thompson after September 1… just in case Fred runs for President. All so they can avoid an “equal time” conflict.
How about this guy for the new host of “The Price is Right!”… Drew Carey!

NEWS KICKERS…

Tiger Woods reveals his workouts last up to three hours as many as six days a week! ***JUSTIN: And now you know why you stink at golf.

There’s a cattle rustler on the loose in upstate New York. But the crook isn’t after beef-on-the-hoof. He’s got a taste for plastic cows. Pool contractor Ed Keil says three of his life-sized cows were stolen from outside his business around the Fourth of July. One of the cows was returned a few days later, and the other came home yesterday. But his plastic calf is still missing. Keil is a former dairy farmer who says he still likes having cows around, even if they don’t move or moo. Troopers who found one of the missing fake cows say it’s the strangest piece of stolen property they’ve ever come across. ***JUSTIN: Even if they catch the guy, all they can charge him with is a MOOving violation. (Okay, so it was a terrible pun, but c’mon – you knew I’d milk this story as best I could!)

It’s not nice to hassle the hippos. That’s the lesson Kansas City Zoo officials want to teach a couple of teen-aged boys. Zoo director Randy Wisthoff says the 14-year-olds were arrested after they climbed into the hippo exhibit and threw rocks at the two-ton animals. Wisthoff says the teens were trying to impress a girl. The two hippos got mad and charged at the boys. Officials say neither the teen-agers nor the animals were hurt. But the experts say taunting hippos is a pretty dumb thing to do. They’re big and they can run faster than humans. John Davis, a nationally recognized authority on hippos, says the animals have the size, intelligence, speed, and the teeth, to protect their territory. ***JUSTIN: While these boys don’t have the bulk, speed or teeth to defeat a hippo… nor do they have the intelligence to impress their girlfriends.

Harold and Martha Smith are tired of getting crates of wine, cheese platters and boxes of frozen fish. The deliveries are meant to go to the swanky St. Regis Resort about about a mile-and-a-half away from their oceanfront home in Dana Point, California. The Smiths and the hotel have nearly identical street addresses: the hotel’s address is One Monarch Beach Resort and the house is at One Monarch Bay. The Smiths say they get misdirected mail or deliveries about once a week, despite repeated complaints. Seventy-five-year-old Martha Smith says it’s really getting her “dander up.” ***JUSTIN: But it’s free wine, cheese, and fish! What’s there to complain about?

A study by the Environmental Working Group found that umbilical-cord blood samples taken from unborn babies contained a number of harmful chemicals, including mercury, pesticides, and gasoline byproducts. ***JUSTIN: So to protect the environment plans are now underway to ban babies.

The sentence is life — for two of the jurors. Lots of people try to get out of jury duty, but Traci Nagy and Jonathan Cinkay found love during a New York murder trial. They picked up their marriage license last week. The judge who presided over the case is to marry them next month. The couple’s first “date” was lunch during one long break. They had plenty of time to get to know to each other. The jurors aren’t allowed to discuss the case during the trial, so they talked about movies, travel and just about everything else. While two of the jurors were making goo-goo eyes, there was no love lost on the defendant. He was convicted. ***JUSTIN: But will only go to jail after being the ring bearer.

Doctors in England say obsession with celebrities combined with television makeover shows are causing a rise in cosmetic surgery in Britain, with the most popular operations being facelifts and chemical peels. ***JUSTIN: You’d think in Britain they’d be asking for cosmetic dentistry.

It seems there are places in the world where Polo is not quite the refined gentlemen’s game it has become known for. In a remote area of Pakistan, the Gilgit tribe beat the Chitral tribe, 9-6, in this year’s annual, bloody, take-no-prisoners, referee-less polo match. Despite its viciousness and extreme violence, some observers say the match is good because it keeps actual war from breaking out between the tribes. During the match clubbing of opponents is rampant, horses are treated more reverently than players, and when a star player was thrown and landed on his head, motionless and thought perhaps even to be dead, fans simply screamed for him to be cleared from the field quickly so the match could continue. Fortunately he only had a broken neck and concussion. ***JUSTIN: And when is the next Ice Hogs game again? (For those of you not in Rockford, IL – that’s our hockey team.)

AND NOW ANOTHER USELESS FACT…

You have to wonder about the reason for this study. In a Macquarie University study in Australia, new moms were asked to sniff unlabeled soiled diapers, and it was found that they preferred the smell of their own babies’ diaper-messes ***JUSTIN: Fathers who were asked to sniff the soiled diapers preferred to punch the researchers.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY…

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The women were arguing noisily even in the court. The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them said, “We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can’t listen to all of you at once. I’ll hear the oldest first.” The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH…

If you’re going to do rap music which talks about bombing people, it’s best not to be employed at an airport.

Bassam Khalaf recently lost his job as a baggage screener at George Bush Intercontinental Airport. For those aspiring to land an airport security job, you may want to take a tip from Bassam. Don’t let your supervisors know about your aspiring rap career, especially if you call yourself the Arabic Assassin and have recorded a CD called “Terror Alert,” in which you rap about flying a plane into a building and describe yourself as a “crazy, suicidal Arabic equipped with bombs.” Bassam’s supervisors found out and now he’d better hope his rap career takes off because he’s been fired from his day job.

MOVIE CRITIC, MARIE ASNER WITH “THE TICKET”…

The family ratings system for The Breakfast Club Bull Sheet are from Zero (no family value) to 5 (excellent) - for films, ratings include actors, director, plot, language, sexual content, violence, etc. Get more from Marie Asner at PhantomTollBooth.org!

OPENED JULY 20…

HAIRSPRAY - John Travolta dons a fat suit and plays a woman named Edna Turnblad in this musical. He is “mother” to Tracy Turnblad (Nikki Blonsky), a plump teenager who feels out of place until she auditions—and gets—a starring role on a TV dance program (think the early Dick Clark shows like “American Bandstand.” ) Michelle Pfeiffer is Velma Von Tussle, who thinks Nikki is too fat to be on television. Christopher Walken is Nikki’s father and Queen Latifah, the owner of a record shop. “Hairspray” was first a musical by John Waters, then a production with Rikki Lake, then a Broadway musical and now a film. You will find your feet tapping to the 1960’s music. It is usual here for a man to take the Edna Turnblad role. This is all to be taken with a grain of salt. “Hairspray” is rated PG for language and some suggestive situations and teen smoking. Family Friendly rating of 1 for fans of musicals or to try to recognize John Travolta. The rising star is Nikki Blonsky.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY- the trailers were tiresome and the film has crude and obvious humor. You know, the kind that hits you over the head so you see that a joke just occurred. Adam Sandler is paired with Kevin James and they hit on the idea of posing as a gay couple in order to qualify for benefits. Jessica Biel plays their social worker. Couldn’t someone have come up with a better comedic idea? Kevin James is the lively one because Sandler looks bored. “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” is rated PG 13 for crude humor, sexual content, language and drug references. Family Friend rating of zero.

INTRODUCING THE DWIGHTS - This is an Australian comedy starring Brenda Blethyn as a reactive mother who tries to keep her children close while she pursues her stage career. A problem occurs when teenager Khan Chittenden starts to date Rebecca Gibney.. What’s a Mom to do? Well, relax for one and quit the hysterics. Dad is on stage, too, and has his own fans. The film gives “possessive” new meaning. It takes a bit to get used to regional accents. “Introducing The Dwights” is rated R for sexual content and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.

OPENS JULY 27…

I KNOW WHO KILLED ME has Lindsay Lohen escaping from a serial killer and assumes another identity. Gruesome.

THE SIMPSON’S MOVIE says it all. The television characters are now on the big screen.

NO RESERVATIONS is a remake of “Mostly Martha,” a film about a single chef who becomes the guardian of her young niece. Catherine Zeta-Jones stars.

SUNSHINE is a science fiction film about Earth’s sun dying. Cast includes Cillian Murphy.

TALK TO ME has Don Cheadle as a talk show host in the 1960’s.

OTHER STUFF…

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS

A teacher is verbally abused by his students for eight years - and the school district refuses to punish the students in any way!

Political Correctness strikes again! A New York City teacher is suing the city because he claims the special needs students in his class harassed him over an eight-year period and that the city did nothing to discipline the students or stop the abuse. He’s asking for $250,000. According to political correctness, students that are already considered “learning challenged” or “special” and participate in verbal abuse towards others are considered to be “behaviorally disabled”. Because of that, the verbal abuse of a “special needs” student is considered beyond the ability for that student to control it - therefore the student cannot be punished or reprimanded because that would violate the disability laws. According to New York’s attorney, special needs students can only be suspended for physical violence, drugs or a dangerous weapon violation. Mouthing off and verbal harassment are apparently OK because you don’t want to damage their self-esteem by reacting against it.

THE ART OF MAKING CHANGE

An interesting work of art has been defaced - and boy is the artist mad!

While “starving artists” tend to get the most prestige, Rick Magnuson went a different direction and actually placed an authentic $100 bill in the center of one of his paintings! Why would he do such a thing? Well, he calls it “conceptual artwork”. Hanging in an Aspen, Colorado art museum is the piece of work entitled, “I Dare You to Steal This $100.” Well, who can ignore a challenge like that, right? After about a month, someone finally took him up on his challenge. They took the C-note but interestingly enough, left five $20 bills in its place. That’s right… they made change for Rick’s painting! Rick is pretty upset about it. “I wanted someone to try and steal it and catch them,” he said. “This makes it vague now. It ruined the whole aesthetics for me and I don’t think it’s a valuable piece of art anymore because it’s been defaced.” ***JUSTIN: Valuable piece of art – worth about a hundred bucks.

THE NEW SLEEP & EAT DIET!

How would you like to lose weight just by sleeping? No, it’s not some new pill you take… you don’t have to spend a dime!

Want to lose weight? Forget the crash diet… just crash! Get some sleep! A study from the University of Chicago has found lots of sleep speeds up you metabolism and can lead you to experience weight loss. Deep sleep increases production of growth hormones, those hormones speed up your metabolism - which burns off even more calories. The scientists suggest tablets can be taken to speed up metabolism if busy people have no time for extra sleep. ***JUSTIN: By the way, this is completely bogus. I sleep ten hours every night, take a two-hour nap every day, and I’m STILL overweight!

JOYFUL NOISE?

Feeling stressed? Get rid of the noise!

Do you feel a lot of stress on the job? Is your work environment noisy and loud? That could be the reason! Even if you’re used to lots of noise, loud sounds on the job increase stress, they keep you from staying focused, and decrease your motivation. A recent study on the subject also claims that people working in loud environments are less willing to make adjustments to their chairs and workstations - which means more aches and pains for the person. ***JUSTIN: And yet, all I DO is make noise for a living! For me to alleviate my stress, I’d have to get fired!

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What do hospitals mean when they say that someone’s condition is “stable,” “serious,” “critical” or some other melodramatic adjective?

I’ve often suspected that HMO’s reimburse the hospitals on a schedule that takes into account the weight of the words they use. “Stable”, “serious”, “critical”… but conjecture aside, there are general, although not rigidly explicit rules for the use of these words to frighten patients’ friends and relatives.

On the low end of the scare scale are “good,” “fair,” “stable” and “satisfactory” (to whom, their creditors?). Put away the Valium, the greatest threat to these patients is hospital food

“Serious” is a question mark. It means pretty doggoned sick, possibly not stable, but in no immediate threat of falling into a coma or dying.

“Critical” is the flashing red light. This patient is unstable, may not even be conscious, and his or her life is in danger. But at least they don’t have to eat the Jell-O.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…

For copies of today’s jokes, just look out behind the studios in the dumpster.

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Justin Kaiser or WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there… nyah!

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.

HERE’s a glance at today’s top stories on WGFA for Monday, July 23, 2007 > The Iroquois County Fair comes to a close today. The Livestock Sale is featured this afternoon at the Show Arena…… The weather set the stage for a successful County Fair…… Review of the winners in Fair competition……. A Douglas County Sheriff’s deputy is laid to rest……Judge’s wife enters plea to embezzelment charge…….

Illiana sunshine continues today, with a high near 83. Warmer weather ahead as the week unfolds.

• The Livestock Sale closes out the Iroquois County Fair this afternoon. Buyers will be seated at the Show Arena and ready to go at 1:30. The FFA Sale will preceed the 4-H Sale. Results tomorrow on WGFA.
• Ideal weather conditions all week long for the fair after a microburst hit the fairgrounds the early-morning when the fair was getting started. But all was taken care of, after a circus tent came down, and the rfair went along without any big problems.
• The Fair Amount of Cash winner was Jonica Suver of Woodland. She claims $1,000, courtesy of Watseka Body Shop and Quality Supermarket in Watseka.
• Kyle Knauth is a 3-time champion of the Showman of Showmen competition. Kyle became a three-peat Champ Sunday during the 2007 Showman competition. The Belt Buckle Award is courtesy of A-Way Incorporated and WGFA.
• Little Lacey Cotter won the Costume Sheep Lead Contest. Nicknamed “High Maintenance,” Lacey charmed the crowd and the judges in her grass skirt. The 3-year-old’s theme was: Alobaa….we go coconuts for lamb and eue should too. Lacey is the daughter of Todd and Kim Cotter of Dewey, IL.
• Talent Show winners included Jordyn Ward of Ashkum in the Junior Division. Jordyn impressed the judges with her vocal solo “Everything’s Coming Up Roses.” Watseka’s Kole Bossong won the Senior Class with his solo “Santa Fe,”
• Shana Clatterbuck of Donovan reigns as 2007 County Fair Queen. She represents the County in State competition along with the talent winners in Springfield next January.
• Beaverville’s Kyle Anderson won the Demo Derby and the Figure 8 Derby.
• The wife of Iroquois County Judge Gordon Lustfeldt pleaded innocent Friday in U-S District Court in Urbana to a charge of bank embezzlement. A pre-trial hearing is set for September 4th. Deanna Lustfeldt is accused of embezzling about $18,000 from the First natiuonal Bank branch facility of Watseka. An indictment was returned July 12th.
• The Kankakee County Board’s Finance Committee held a special meeting Friday discussing the county’s fiscal year budget–which may be as much as $8 million short. More ahead on WGFA News.
• – More area news on WGFA NEWS LINKS –

“Your Illiana News Source” — 94.1 FM, WGFA

Join WGFA Live from Watseka Ford Lincoln Mercury this Friday from 2-4 at Watseka Ford. We’ll have plenty of WGFA T-shirts and a great time for their 17th Anniversary Sale. You have to see it to believe it and you’ll be able to get a WGFA T-shirt as well when you stop by on Friday from 2-4 with Justin Kaiser live at Watseka Ford Lincoln Mercury on Illiana’s Choice for the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and Today. 94 Point 1 WGFA.

Before we begin this morning I’d just like to say, if this doesn’t work out, we’ll all meet after the show at Burger King, stick French fries in our ears, and take pictures.

TODAY IS FRIDAY – JULY 20, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 157 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

• Today is NATIONAL LOLLIPOP DAY.
• Today is MOON DAY, marking man’s first landing on the moon on this date in 1969 when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed their lunar module Eagle. ***JUSTIN: It was one small step for man, one giant waste of tax dollars because we didn’t find any cheese.
• Today is CLEAT DANCING DAY, a day to see how much fun it is, if any, to tap dance while wearing baseball cleats. ***JUSTIN: It might also be Lawsuit Day if you try this stunt on the hotel ballroom’s floor.

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

• actress Billi Bruno (”According to Jim”) 11
• Actor (Det. Mike Kellerman on “Homicide: Life on the Street”) Reed Diamond, 40
• Actress (“Crocodile Hunter”) Terri Irwin, 43
• Actress/model (“Bosom Buddies”) Donna Dixon, 50 — Donna is the wife of actor Dan Aykroyd.

NEWS KICKERS…

The wife of presidential hopeful Barack Obama says her husband is the “Harry Potter parent.” Michelle Obama says her husband has read all six books about the boy wizard’s adventures aloud with their nine-year-old daughter. The two also saw the latest movie, “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” together last weekend. Mrs. Obama says she doesn’t know how her family will find time in between Iowa and New Hampshire campaigning to read the seventh and final book in the series that comes out this weekend. But she guarantees the candidate will figure out a way to do it. She made the comments in Boca Raton, Florida, during a campaign trip. ***JUSTIN: Now why would you say all of that to a reporter, unless you felt somehow it bettered your chances to get into the White House? Are they counting on Harry Potter readers to get him into office? At this point in the campaign, it might take a little magic!

Much like our own Rockford Register Star has done, The New York Times announced that it’s shrinking the size of the paper to save money. ***JUSTIN: To save space, the newspaper will only criticize President Bush’s every other move.

Nevada truck driver Rick Ziemer has a bright idea: A glove with a built-in flashlight. He says the concept came to him one snowy night when he was trying to unlock a gate with a flashlight in his mouth, and the light dropped and broke. Now, after experimenting with prototypes and spending about ten-thousand dollars, Ziemer has a patent. But Ziemer hasn’t made his fortune yet. He tells the Reno Gazette-Journal he’s talking to a number of manufacturers about putting the flashlight glove into production. He says what has kept him going is the number of people who said he was just wasting his time. ***JUSTIN: So far his only customers are sci-fi fanatics who walk around wearing the gloves and saying, “E.T. phone home…”

A Carbondale, Colorado, man who said he heard crazy noises in his head finally went to the doctor and found out his skull was infested with fly larvae. ***JUSTIN: That probably also explained those bleeding bumps on his head that kept moving.

Not too pleased with any of the candidates? How about being able to vote for “none of the above?” Retired systems analyst William White wants a “none of the above” ballot option. At his suggestion, two Massachusetts lawmakers have proposed a bill to do just that in the state. White says voters shouldn’t have to make a choice between the lesser of two evils. Under the proposal, if “none of the above” were to win more votes than any of the candidates, a new election would have to be ordered. Only Nevada offers a “none of the above” option, but it’s nonbinding. ***JUSTIN: I do like this idea – but the downside is that if a majority of voters choose “None of the Above” we’d be stuck with another year of campaign commercials. It’s almost worth voting for anybody to get rid of those things.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY…

A dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram. He fills out a form on which he writes down the telegram he wishes to send: “Bow wow wow, Bow wow wow.” The clerk says, “You can add another ‘Bow wow’ for the same price.” “But,” the dog says, “wouldn’t that sound a little silly?”

MOVIE CRITIC, MARIE ASNER WITH “THE TICKET”…

The family ratings system for The Breakfast Club Bull Sheet are from Zero (no family value) to 5 (excellent) - for films, ratings include actors, director, plot, language, sexual content, violence, etc. Get more from Marie Asner at PhantomTollBooth.org!

OPENS JULY 20…

HAIRSPRAY - John Travolta dons a fat suit and plays a woman named Edna Turnblad in this musical. He is “mother” to Tracy Turnblad (Nikki Blonsky), a plump teenager who feels out of place until she auditions—and gets—a starring role on a TV dance program (think the early Dick Clark shows like “American Bandstand.” ) Michelle Pfeiffer is Velma Von Tussle, who thinks Nikki is too fat to be on television. Christopher Walken is Nikki’s father and Queen Latifah, the owner of a record shop. “Hairspray” was first a musical by John Waters, then a production with Rikki Lake, then a Broadway musical and now a film. You will find your feet tapping to the 1960’s music. It is usual here for a man to take the Edna Turnblad role. This is all to be taken with a grain of salt. “Hairspray” is rated PG for language and some suggestive situations and teen smoking. Family Friendly rating of 1 for fans of musicals or to try to recognize John Travolta. The rising star is Nikki Blonsky.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY- the trailers were tiresome and the film has crude and obvious humor. You know, the kind that hits you over the head so you see that a joke just occurred. Adam Sandler is paired with Kevin James and they hit on the idea of posing as a gay couple in order to qualify for benefits. Jessica Biel plays their social worker. Couldn’t someone have come up with a better comedic idea? Kevin James is the lively one because Sandler looks bored. “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” is rated PG 13 for crude humor, sexual content, language and drug references. Family Friend rating of zero.

INTRODUCING THE DWIGHTS - This is an Australian comedy starring Brenda Blethyn as a reactive mother who tries to keep her children close while she pursues her stage career. A problem occurs when teenager Khan Chittenden starts to date Rebecca Gibney.. What’s a Mom to do? Well, relax for one and quit the hysterics. Dad is on stage, too, and has his own fans. The film gives “possessive” new meaning. It takes a bit to get used to regional accents. “Introducing The Dwights” is rated R for sexual content and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.

OPENS JULY 27…

I KNOW WHO KILLED ME has Lindsay Lohen escaping from a serial killer and assumes another identity. Gruesome.

THE SIMPSON’S MOVIE says it all. The television characters are now on the big screen.

NO RESERVATIONS is a remake of “Mostly Martha,” a film about a single chef who becomes the guardian of her young niece. Catherine Zeta-Jones stars.

SUNSHINE is a science fiction film about Earth’s sun dying. Cast includes Cillian Murphy.

TALK TO ME has Don Cheadle as a talk show host in the 1960’s.

OTHER STUFF…

NEED A FAMOUS FACE TO GRACE YOUR NEXT EVENT?

Odds are, you can’t afford them. How about a has-been celebrity? You probably can’t afford THEM either! Here’s what a few of the stars of yesterday are charging to give speeches.

• Howie Mandel $70,000
• Suzanne Somers $62,000
• Louie Anderson $44,000
• LeVar Burton $30,000
• Bob Eubanks $10,000
• Justin Kaiser - Heck – I’ll come out to your event for a free Diet A&W Root Beer and a love offering.

TOP FIVE SIGNS A SPACE SHUTTLE MEMBER HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY AN ALIEN

1. A snake-shaped object under his shirt just burped
2. Randomly says, “Presidents are delicious.”
3. While watching the movie “Alien,” he cheers for the creature
4. Considers Michael Jackson like a brother
5. Able to read Jessica Simpson’s mind (and survives the ordeal)

SIGNS YOU’RE NOT SUPERMAN

• People recognize you even without your glasses.
• A speeding bullet kicked your butt on the 200-meter dash.
• Your application to the Justice League was rejected.
• Your X-Ray vision only enables you to see through glass.
• You look pretty dorky in a cape.
• Your home planet is still habitable, but your father sent you here anyway.
• Instead of “It’s a bird, it’s a plane…” people say, “What IS that ugly thing?”
• The armor piercing bullets rip through your flesh like a hot knife through butter.
• When your therapist says “Lex,” you say “-us”
• Evil supervillains don’t know your girlfriend or where she lives.
• Exposure to Kryptonite only gives you a ringing in the ears.
• The only way you got the pickle jar open was by smashing it with a hammer.

IT MUST BE TRUE, BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Being robbed in your home while fast asleep is one thing, but being carjacked while asleep at the wheel – now that story is totally bizarre!

A Seattle man is doing well after sleeping through a carjacking. That’s right… he slept through the carjacking! Police say four men forced four people out of their Honda Passport and went for joyride. But they didn’t get very far after realizing that a fifth person was still sleeping in the backseat. When discovered, the carjackers apparently panicked and the Honda ran into a parked car a short distance later. The four men inside fled and police were able to catch up with one of the suspects, but the other three are still on the loose. No one was injured.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…

Well, I’ve got to run. My fan club is meeting tonight and I promised I’d play checkers with the guy.

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Justin Kaiser or WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there… nyah!

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.

A serious sanity check is recommended before reading with both eyes.

TODAY IS THURSDAY – JULY 19, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 158 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

• Today is NATIONAL MONOSODIUM GLUTOMATE DAY. ***JUSTIN: I hear they’re planning a tasteful celebration.
• Today is LORD OF THE RINGS DAY. “The Fellowship of the Ring,” the first part of J.R.R. Tolkien’s epic, “The Lord of the Rings,” was published on this day in 1954.
• Today is SIT UP STRAIGHT DAY. ***JUSTIN: Don’t slouch. Make your father proud of you.
• Today is NATIONAL GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH DAY. ***JUSTIN: My dad used to make grilled cheese without a grill. He’d make toast, butter the toast, put a piece of cheese between the two slices with the butter facing inward, and then microwave the sandwich for 30-seconds. He called it a grilled cheese – but to me, it’s micro-toasty-cheese. For some reason, even with the same ingredients, it just didn’t turn out the same.
• Today is STICK YOUR TONGUE OUT DAY. ***JUSTIN: Something I often did to Dad when his back was turned after giving me one of his microwave grilled cheese.
• Today is DEADLY MIST DAY, the day the deadly mist began rolling across the lake in Stephen King’s The Mist. ***JUSTIN: You think that’s scary… you should see the fog Radio 91’s Corey Neese brings in after his lunchtime workout! Pee-yoo!

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

• actress (“The Guiding Light”) Rachel Miner 27
• actor (Dr. Mark Greene on “ER”, The Forgotten, Top Gun)Anthony Edwards 45
• actor (“Sunset Beach”, “The Bold & The Beautiful”, “The Young & The Restless”) Peter Barton 51

RADIO PAPARAZZI…

Call him “sir.” Rod Stewart went to Buckingham Palace on Monday to receive the Commander of the Order of the British Empire. He even wore a tie with a skull & crossbones on it.

The folks putting the Bible into one big audio book have nabbed Oscar-winner Forest Whitaker to lend his voice as Moses.

Former “Grey’s Anatomy” co-star Isaiah Washington is joining the new NBC drama “Bionic Woman.”

They haven’t even gone on the road yet and the Spice Girls have already extended their upcoming world tour.

It looks like she may have been telling the truth when she said she didn’t drink. Lindsay Lohan wrapped up her 45-day rehab stint at Promises Night Club last Friday and will voluntarily wear an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet as part of an intensive outpatient program.

Britney Spears applied to be a waitress at a hot LA night club. She filled out the application, interviewed with a manager, the whole thing. Don’t know if she was just doing for publicity, but if she did… it worked.
The new fall TV show getting a lot of buzz: “Kid Nation.” CBS locked up 40 kids in an abandoned New Mexico ghost town for over a month with cameras present. ***JUSTIN: Isn’t that considered child-abandonment?

The latest Harry Potter movie made $330 million around the world during its first five days in theaters.

Just so you know, it’s all systems go on another X-Files movie.

Mel Gibson has sold his 76-acre Connecticut estate for almost $40 million.

It’s said that Angelina threatened to dump Brad after she found out Brad had taken baby daughter Shiloh to a lunch with ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston.

NBC has picked up “The Singing Bee” for a fall run starting September 25. The singing contest was originally supposed to be a midseason replacement.

Kelly Pickler performs her new song on “Good Morning, America” next Monday.

At first, Mandy Patinkin was a no-show when the new season of “Criminal Minds” started filming, so they wrote around him. Now, he’s officially quit the show, citing “creative differences.”

Now that Paris Hilton is out of prison, she plans to record a second CD. ***JUSTIN: I thought she said she was going to be more responsible.

Queen Latifah has opened a Fatburger franchise in Florida.

Earlier this week we joked about how funny it’d be if somehow Rosie O’Donnell, who’s been feuding with Donald Trump, ended up on his upcoming show, “Celebrity Apprentice.” Turns out the Donald thought it was a cool idea too, and he wants her to be on the show. No word yet from Rosie.

There will be an Ace Ventura 3, but it’ll focus on the son of Jim Carrey’s character. ***JUSTIN: Because “Son of the Mask” was such a huge step forward in movie-making.

Jerry Seinfeld guests star as himself in the second-season premiere of “30 Rock” on October 4th.
Star Jones will tell you her secret on how she lost 100 pounds in the September Glamour magazine, on newsstands August 7th. ***JUSTIN: I’m guessing it has something to do with eating less and exercising more.

Next Tuesday night, Homer Simpson is going to be Jay’s guest on “The Tonight Show.” ***JUSTIN: Nobody will likely notice though, because, “The Tonight Show” has become kind of two-dimensional anyway.

NEWS KICKERS…

An environmental pressure group claims that American babies are “born polluted” with traces of chemical pollutants already in their bodies. ***JUSTIN: If you’ve ever changed a diaper, you already know babies are filled with toxic pollution.

There’s Harry Potter, then there’s Harry Butter. Sarah Pratt is carving the boy wizard out of butter for the Iowa State Fair. The dairy Harry will be on display in a refrigerated glass case next month, next to the traditional butter cow. Pratt expects her butter Potter to look more like the character on the book covers than the young star of the movies, Daniel Radcliffe. Pratt hasn’t decided how she’ll pose her Harry. But she says fair visitors will see Harry’s trademark glasses and scar carved into the butter sculpture. ***JUSTIN: They have to keep it chilled behind refrigerated glass because otherwise it could go bad and give you hog warts.

Rock collector LaDell Alexander swears she’s found a stone that bears an image that looks just like Elvis. Alexander says she plans to sell it on eBay next month, near the 30th anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death. She says people are now calling her the Elvis Rock Lady. A picture of the rock published by the Fort Collins Coloradoan newspaper shows a stone with what looks like a cartoon Elvis. Alexander says she’ll donate ten percent of the Elvis rock sale to one of Presley’s charitable foundations. ***JUSTIN: It’s the King of Rock – on a rock!

In Australia, a rugby player discovered what’s been causing headaches for the past several months. Seems that back in April, he had bumped heads with an opponent and part of the opponent’s tooth had broken off in his skull! ***JUSTIN: The man finally called his doctor after he noticed his hair was suffering from gingivitis.

About the only snow you’ll find in Southern California is in the movies. But sled dogs are hot in a region where sand dunes outnumber snow drifts. Now, urban mushing allows owners of huskies and other sled dogs to give their animals a workout. The dogs pull scooters instead of sleds. The Southern California Working Snow Dogs group has about 240 members. But not all the scooter-pullers are huskies or malamutes. Some people harness their standard poodles to the scooters for a weekend run in the park. ***JUSTIN: They should make sled dogs street legal… dog food is more affordable than regular gas!

AND NOW ANOTHER USELESS FACT…

The Center for Science in the Public Interest is warning people not to drink sodas. ***JUSTIN: And why shouldn’t they warn us? They’ve already warned us not to eat any food on Earth, so it’s not like we need to wash anything down.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY…

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there was no God. He said, “God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!”

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, “Here I am God, I’m still waiting.” He got down to the last couple of minutes and a big 240-pound football player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said. The football player walked into the classroom and in the last minute, hit the professor full force, sending him flying off the platform.

The professor got up, obviously shaken, and said, “Where did you come from, and why did you do that?”

The football player replied, “God sent me!”

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH…

Who would take their garbage and dump it on the highway when they have a garbage service to pick it up at their own driveway? A true inDUHvidual, that’s who!

73-year-old retired obstetrician Parviz “Peter” Modaber was ordered by a judge to just stay out of Clarke County, Virginia. This was following his fourth conviction for taking bags of garbage from his home near Charles Town, West Virginia, and dumping them along a highway in Clarke County. Incidentally, court records showed that Dr. Modaber had done this many more than four times. His attorney explained that the good doctor held an intense grudge against the state for having suspended his license during the 1980’s and Clarke County just happened to be near his home. Dr. Modaber had been sentenced three times to a total of 540 hours of picking up litter, but a vigilant citizen caught him dumping yet again less than six months after the third conviction.

OTHER STUFF…

QUIZ: Are you Monkish? = http://www.usanetwork.com/series/monk/monkish/

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Here’s a sad statement about America.

Virtually every town along the 20 miles of the Long Beach Island seashore in New Jersey has signs warning beach lovers of the dangers of rip tides. However, Long Beach Township itself does not. This, even though experts say that most summer visitors are ignorant of the powerful currents and how to cope with them. Township Attorney Richard Shackleton explained that posting such helpful warnings may actually hurt local taxpayers. Why? Well legally speaking, a town generally is under no obligation to warn swimmers of natural conditions, but Mr. Shackleton explained that once a town attempts to warn, judges and juries will too often find the warnings inadequate and award a swimmer or his survivors huge damages. In other words, they’d rather you die than sue them. That’s nice.

PAIN IN THE NECK

A lady from England is suing the government because she hurt her neck on the job. Well, not exactly on the job. She says she developed the neck pain when filling out the required forms for her application for a pay raise! The lady claims she spent 11 hours filling out the seven page form and it caused her severe neck pain. She’s seeking about $3,000 in the lawsuit. ***JUSTIN: Sounds like this woman’s employer also has a little pain in the neck to deal with.

EXPLODING TOILET

While sitting in a restaurant, it’s not exactly what you want to hear - an explosion coming from the bathroom! Two men from Milwaukee were injured when they tried to flush an explosive device down a toilet and it exploded. The device blew up in the ladies’ room at Zorba’s Restaurant, injuring the two men as they attempted to run off. As it exploded, the toilet sent pieces of porcelain flying everywhere. The two men, who were both hospitalized with injuries, have been arrested and charged with endangering safety and criminal damage to property. ***JUSTIN: After hearing the explosion in the bathroom, I’d be asking what those guys ate – so I could avoid ordering it.

TOP FIVE SIGNS THAT YOUR BOSS DOESN’T LIKE YOU

• He asks you to step outside for a moment and you’re on a submarine
• He invites you to stop by his office and pick up something that rhymes with “mink’s lip”
• Wants to know if you’d be interested in the company’s new Baghdad office
• At the company picnic, tries to convince you that everybody else’s dunk tanks have piranha in them.
• Has your picture in the front lobby along with a sign that says, “Need a hostage?”

TOP FIVE SIGNS IT’S WAY PAST TIME TO WASH YOUR CAR

• Bird that pooped on windshield has gone extinct
• Car washes won’t let you in, fearing mudflows
• So much dirt on it, it was once mistaken for a vacant lot
• You can’t remember the color
• Someone wrote in the dirt in hieroglyphics

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…

There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second. - Logan Pearsall Smith

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Justin Kaiser or WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there… nyah!

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.

THE TALENT SHOW, DRAFT HORSES, and 4-H CLOTHING REVUE HIGHLIGHT TODAY’s ACTIVITIES AT THE IROQUOIS COUNTY FAIR….. A TRAIN FIRE AT WOODLAND…… CAR CRASHES INTO HOUSE IN KANKAKEE….. ANOTHER MENINGITIS CASE IN VERMILION COUNTY……Some of Illiana’s top news stories on WGFA for Friday, July 20, 2007 >

SUNNY AND COOLER WITH A HIGH NEAR 77 TODAY. WINDS MAY GUST AT 25 mph. THE WEEKEND FORECAST CALLS FOR SUNNY SKIES AND HIGH AT 76 SATURDAY. SUNNY SUNDAY WITH HIGH AT 82.

• Pleasant weather conditions–so far–for the Iroquois County Fair. Today’s events include the 4-H Clothing Revue at 1:30 pm, Draft Horse Show at Noon and the Draft Horse Hitches at 6 pm at the grandstand. The Talent Show is in the 4-H Center at 7 pm. There’s nine Junior Division and 12 Senior Division contestants. WGFA continues its daily boradcast from 12 ’til 3 pm.
• The Western Horse and Pony Show is Saturday at 8 am. The Food Auction is at 3 pm at the 4-H Center. Dog Agility Judging and Demo runs from 6-8 pm at the Show Barn. The Figure 8 Derby is at 7:30 pm.
• Wambold’s Menagerie–Animal Circus is featured daily at the Fair. Shows at 2, 5 and 7 pm.
• Free Sweet Corn is available tomorrow (Sat) at the Farmer’s Market in downtown Kankakee. It’s Community Foundation Day. Foundation board members will be on hand to explain expanding activities and a new Communityworks grant program. A special feature will be the Segway Human transporter — a two-wheel, battery-run get-around. Area mayors will be available to show their skills in maneuvering the Segway. The Farmer’s Market is at Merchant & Schuyler Avenues.
• The Kankakee County Coroner’s Office is investigating a car crash that left a woman dead. The un-identified 57-yr-old female crashed her car into a house while driving thru a mobile home park Thursday morning. Emergency responders are led to believe the woman may have suffered a medical emergency, leading to her losing control and running into the house.
• Woodland and Watseka firemen responded to a fire on a train Thursday evening. An oil leak on the 2nd engine of the train sparked a fire. No injury was reported. The Union Pacific freight train resumed its regular route without much of an incident. Watseka fire assisted Woodland.
• Earlier in the evening, Watseka fire personnel answered a call to Berkot’s Foods in the east Side Shopping Plaza. A power failure resulted in the grocery store’s electricity source reduced to half-power. The fire department was called as a precaution.
• Health officials in Vermilion County have confirmed a second case of bacterial meningitis. Both cases were in children younger than four-years-old. Health Department administrator Steve Laker said the first child died earlier this month. The second case was reported Tuesday.
• Sports Note — the District 18 Little League Tournment lives on for another day in Watseka. The 9-10 year-old tourney winds up tonight at Peter’s Park. It’s a rematch of Limestone and Manteno in the double elimination tournament. Limestone crushed Manteno 16-3 in a five-inning game Thursday evening.
• – More area news on WGFA News Links –

“Your Illiana News Source” — 94.1 FM, WGFA