HERE’s SOME OF THE TOP NEWS STORIES ON WGFA FOR THIS THURSDAY, JUNE 21st > ILLINOIS MOVES ITS PRIMARY ELECTION DATE TO FEBRUARY 5th…..STILL NO BUDGET, TIME A FACTOR….. IROQUOIS COUNTY POLICE LOCATE MARIJUANA FIELD….. BRADLEY POLICE DISCOVER MARIJUANA GROWING OPERATION……. SAMMY SOSA REACHES 600 PLATEAU…….

A HIGH NEAR 87 TODAY WITH A 40% CHANCE OF SHOWERS AND T-STORMS. SHOWERS, MAYBE HEAVY RAINS, TONIGHT AND FRIDAY TOO.

• An air search by helicopter in Iroquois County resulted in sheriff’s police finding 374 marijuana plants. The plants were seized and destroyed. No arrest was made but an investigation is underway. Sheriff Eldon Sprau and Investigator Jonathan Rieches flew over two undisclosed areas of interest. The chooper was made available through the Illinois Army National Guard.
• Bradley Police stumbled across an illegal marijuana-growing operation at a residence. Police were called to a burglary in progress on South Dearborn Avenue where they discovered 84 cannabis plants and an elaborate growing operation. Arrests are pending. The street value of the pot was lsited at $240,000.
• Watseka Polcie report traffic arrests, including two DUI’s. Tammy Shepherd and Salvador Perez of Watseka were charged in separate incidnts. Both were also cited for driving with a suspended license. Nicole Williams of Watseka was also arrested for driving while revoked and posession of cannabis and drug materials.
• The Village of Martinton’s garbage pick-up day is moving from Fridays to Thursdays.
• To gain greater say in the presidential election process, Illinois legislators have changed the primary election to February 5th. It used to be the 3rd Tuesday in March. As many as 20 states may all conduct their 2008 general primaries on February 5th. It’ll likley become the new “Super Tuesday.”
• The battle over a budget in Springfield just got nastier. And it’s still not over. If lawmakers don’t approve a budget by month’s end, many say a government shutdown may be inevitable.
• More Area News on WGFA NEWS LINKS —
• Sammy Sosa hit career homerun number 600 last night. He did it against his former team, the Cubs, a sole shot to the righfield bullpen off Cubs starter Jason Marquiss.

“Your Illiana News Source” —- 94.1 FM, WGFA

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JUNE 20, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 187 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

Today is JAWS DAY, marking release of the film on this date in 1975. Don’t go in the water!

It’s NATIONAL VANILLA MILKSHAKE DAY, sometimes called ICE CREAM SODA DAY. ***JUSTIN: But they’re NOT the same… so in all fairness I’ll be ordering one of each.

Today is WOMAN RUNS THE HOUSE DAY, marking this date in 1921 when Alice Robertson of Oklahoma became the first woman to preside over the U.S. House of Representatives. She presided for 30 minutes. ***JUSTIN: For us non-political types, we celebrate Woman Runs the House Day by going on as normal.

Today is NATIONAL WRITE A LOVE LETTER DAY. ***JUSTIN: To the woman that runs the house.

Today is TINY GLOVES DAY. On this day in 1995, at the O.J. Simpson murder trial, Simpson struggled to don a pair of gloves that prosecutors said were worn the night Simpson’s ex-wife, Nicole, and her friend, Ronald Goldman, were murdered. ***JUSTIN: Proving conclusively that he murdered them with gloves that didn’t fit.

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

• actress (Bewitched, Moulin Rouge, The Hours, Cold Mountain) Nicole Kidman 40
• singer/actress Cyndi Lauper 54
• Actor (The Flintstones movie, “Roseanne”, Blues Brothers 2000) John Goodman, 55
• TV Handyman Bob Vila 61
• Actor (the dad on “Frasier”) John Mahoney, 67
• Actress (Steel Magnolias, Oscar for Moonstruck) Olympia Dukakis ==AND== Actor (Oscar for Ed Wood) Martin Landau, 76

RADIO PAPARAZZI…

Ashley Judd will launch three new labels of clothing this fall: “AJ,” “Ashley Judd” and “Love, Ashley.”

VH1 will broadcast live the entire “Concert for Diana,” on what would have been Princess Diana’s birthday, July 1, from Wembley Stadium in London.

In China, over half of Chow Yun-Fat’s scenes from “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” were cut out… because Chinese censors felt they were an insult to China’s people.

Falls Church, Virginia, wins the honor of being the American city that has pre-ordered more copies of the final Harry Potter book, per capita, than any other city.

J.K. Rowling will go on a book tour in the fall, starting in Los Angeles on October 15. Only four stops: L.A., New Orleans and two in New York.

Women who eat a lot of meat tend to weigh more than those who don’t, according to a study from Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. Specifically, big meat eaters have a higher percentage of body fat.

Lawyers for Michael Jackson settled a lawsuit Monday brought by a New Jersey financial company that was seeking $48 million.

In Leslie, Michigan, there is finally a headstone on the grave of Frank White, who died back in 1938. Frank is that smiling face you see on the box of “Cream of Wheat.”

Al Pacino says he would consider appearing on “Dancing with the Stars,” but he’s afraid he’d get too nervous.

According to ABC News, Arnelle Simpson, daughter of O.J. Simpson, was the one who suggested that O.J. write, “If I Did It,” the still-unpublished book detailing about how he might have killed ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.

A Chicago family’s baby monitor is picking up black-and-white video from inside the space shuttle Atlantis. There has yet to be a valid explanation as to how.

What did Brad Pitt do for Angelina’s birthday last week? He made her dinner and showered her with gifts, including a gold ring that featured birthstones of each of their four kids. They’re not stopping at four though. Angelina tells the “Daily Show,” Jon Stewart that the couple wants 13 or 14 kids

Sip some chicken soup or any other fatty soup before dinner as an appetizer, and you could reduce the amount of food you eat by 20%.

Topping the Forbes “Celebrity 100 Power List”: Oprah Winfrey.

Sopranos fans are theorizing that in that last scene of the show, Tony is about to get whacked… and HBO has said, “You know, you may be on to something.”

NEWS KICKERS…

They began filming the fourth Indiana Jones movie this week. ***JUSTIN: Indiana Jones and the Search for a Retirement Village.

Lou Pearlman, who created the Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync, has been arrested in Indonesia. Banks say that he and his companies owe over $120 million. ***JUSTIN: For a second there I thought he was arrested for creating the Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync… a crime by itself.

Kelly Clarkson’s summer concert tour has been scrapped. A spokesman said “so they can re-evaluate.” ***JUSTIN: Which can be interpreted as, “Nobody wants to buy tickets.”

Bob Barker endorsed his friend Rosie O’Donnell as a possible successor on “The Price Is Right.” ***JUSTIN: Exactly what the show needs – an angry, unfunny, unattractive homosexual explaining the rules to “Plinko.”

A lucky break has spared a lobster from the cooker. The one-and-a-half pound lobster has a rare genetic mutation that makes it bright blue. Only one in three million lobsters are blue as a result of a genetic mutation. Two Connecticut men caught it last weekend in one their lobster traps. The Day of New London newspaper reports the men donated it to an aquarium, where it will live out its days in an elementary school classroom for children to learn about. The lobster joins two other blue lobsters at the aquarium. ***JUSTIN: On the off chance you ever get the opportunity to eat blue lobster, you’ll want to know that the Red Lobster restaurants recommend rather than the cheddar biscuits, blueberry muffins.

Scientists discovered the male Y chromosome repairs itself. ***JUSTIN: And as a male gene, it was repaired using duct tape.

In Germany, three people were injured when a squirrel went on a rampage. ***JUSTIN: Which was nothing compared to the rampage of the moose who was chasing after it.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY…

A fellow gets ready to make his first parachute jump. His jumpmaster sees he’s nervous and says, “Don’t worry. Just get out there, arch, count to ten, and pull your main ripcord. If there’s a problem with the main, you know you have a reserve. When you land, the truck will pick you up and take you back to the loft.” So the fellow exits, arches and pulls. Nothing happens. He pulls on his reserve ripcord. Nothing. He’s falling faster, close to terminal, and he looks at the ground and says, “Figures. I bet the truck won’t be there, either.”

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH…

Nowadays, most of us know not to get smart with airport security. It’s just not worth it. But apparently, one man didn’t learn that lesson.

As if spending time at the airport isn’t difficult enough as it is now with all the inspections and metal detectors and searches, why would you want to be a smart-aleck with the National Guard at the airport? Michael Rousseau from Columbus, Ohio asked two National Guardsman what would happen if he stepped over a red line – and past the “Do Not Enter” sign. Rousseau is told that if he steps over that red line he will be arrested. And what does he do? You guessed it. Like some macho idiot, he steps over the line. He’s arrested. He spends the night in jail and is released. I hope he thinks it was worth it.

MOVIE CRITIC, MARIE ASNER WITH “THE TICKET”…

The family ratings system for The Breakfast Club Bull Sheet are from Zero (no family value) to 5 (excellent) - for films, ratings include actors, director, plot, language, sexual content, violence, etc. Get more from Marie Asner at PhantomTollBooth.org!

OPENED JUNE 15…

FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER - It’s comic book time and the continuation of the series of four power figures played by actors Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis. Villain is Von Doom (Julian McMahon.) In this story, a new character is introduced, the Silver Surfer, who skims through everything (like Robert Patrick in “Terminator 2”) and hails the advance of a gigantic planet-killing thing. What to do when the Surfer arrives and the Fantastic Four has days to prepare for “it?” Special effects are very good. If you are a surfer, this is your thing. “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” is rated PG for violence and language. Family Friendly rating of 1 for comic book fans.

NANCY DREW - Emma Roberts, daughter of actor Eric Roberts and niece of actress Julia Roberts, stars as teen detective Nancy Drew. This character has been in teen books since the 1930’s and is a popular one. I remember reading “Nancy Drew” mysteries as a teen and wishing I had a convertible like Nancy’s, which I think is a Nash Metropolitan in the film. The author of the series is named as Carolyn Keene, but that is a name for ghostwriters of the past from a literary conglomerate. The current film has Nancy and her father (Tate Donovan) living in Los Angeles where Nancy gets interested in an old murder involving Hollywood. Thrills and a touch of “Veronica Mars” here, too. I’m guessing this series will continue on film. The character of Nancy has curiosity galore and in a humorous sequence, her choice of wearing 1960’s clothes becomes a fashion statement. “Nancy Drew” is rated PG for some violence. Family Friendly rating of 2 for children over age twelve.

DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE - not screened for critics. This film is based on a video game and about women in a martial arts contest. Hmm, they couldn’t come up with something better? For girl watchers, the cast includes Jaime Pressly, Holly Valance and Devon Aoki. What can I say? “DOA: Dead or Alive” is rated PG 13 for martial arts violence, sexual theme and some nudity. Family Friendly rating of zero.

OPENS JUNE 22…

EVAN ALMIGHTY stars Steve Carell as a modern-day Noah who has problems getting animals into the Ark.

A MIGHTY HEART has Angelina Jolie as Marianne Pearl, wife of the late Daniel Pearl, who was murdered in Pakistan. Adapted from the book of the same name. Read Marie Asner’s full review at www.PhantomTollbooth.org

1408 is a hotel room number and the film is adapted from a Stephen King short story. Expect thrills.

OTHER STUFF…

• PICTURE: Oops = http://img280.echo..cx/img280/4499/erro4su.jpg
• GAME: Time to go tubin’. = http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/dream_home/text/0,1783,HGTV_10678_23924,00.html
• QUIZ: Celebrity Lovechild Quiz (I only got 65% correct) = http://humor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ashen1/ashen/cartoon/morph.html

TOP 10 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE

• Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. –Deuteronomy 21
• Find a prostitute and marry her. –Hosea (Hosea 1)
• When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a… woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.” –Samson (Judges 14)
• Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. –Moses (Exodus 2)
• Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. –Boaz (Ruth 4)
• Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. –Benjaminites (Judges 21)
• Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. –Adam (Genesis 2)
• Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. –Jacob (Genesis 29)
• Don’t be so picky. Make for quality with quantity. –Solomon (1 Kings 11)
• A wife?… NOT!!! –Paul (1 Corinthians 7)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE…

Question: Why do golf balls have dimples?
The Answer: They’re not there just to make the ball look pretty. The dimples on a golf ball actually enable the ball to travel faster and further than a smooth ball of the same size. They allow air to travel around the ball in a way that makes it fly as it would if it were smaller and smooth. So why don’t airplanes have dimples on them? Because the dimple phenomenon is unique to small round objects traveling at certain speeds. In fact, when the dimpled golf ball travels at high speeds, the dimples don’t create any advantage, and when it travels at slow speeds the dimples are disadvantageous to flight.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…

“To encourage an adolescent to pick up his dirty clothes, install a basketball hoop over the laundry hamper. Most likely, the kid will totally ignore it, but with a little practice you may enjoy it.”

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there… nyah!

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.

HERE’S SOME OF THE TOP STORIES MAKING NEWS ON WGFA RADIO ON THIS TUESDAY, JUNE 19th > A Ford County man gets a 73-year prison term for shooting his estranged wife, boyfriend….. Questions remain in last week’s shootings of an Oswego family….. IMH upgrading testing equipment…… Storms ravage northern Illinois and sections of Indiana….

T-Storms are still likely this morning with a high at 83. Clearing skies later with winds at 10-15 mph.

• In Paxton, a Ford County man has been sentenced to 73 years in prison for shooting his estranged wife and killing her boyfriend in 2002. 44-year-old David Hari–a former Paxton resident–was given 48 years for his first-degree murder conviction and another 25 years for attempted murder. Monday’s sentence was identical to the one imposed after Hari’s initial conviction in 2003. The judge also denied a motion by Hari for a new trial. A jury earlier found Hari guilty of shooting his thyen-wife–Lisa Hari–and Jeffery Thomas. Thomas died three days later. Lisa Hari survived despite suffering three gunshot wounds.
• Still a lot of unanswered questions in last week’s fatal shootings of an Oswego family. Kimberly Vaughn and her three children were shot to death Thursday as they sat in their family’s SUV near Channahon. 32-yr-old Christopher Vaughn maintains his wife pulled the trigger on each of the murders and left him wounded.
• The Bourbonnais Freedom Festival kicks off Wednesday. Several events are planned thru next weekend.
• Iroquois Memorial Hospital is upgrading equipment. The facility’s CT Scanner is being upgraded from a 10-slice to a 64-slice imaging unit. New diagnostic exams will be available once the equipment is operational.
• The National Weather Service issued severe T-storm Warnings Monday for northern Kankakee County, much of Will County and sections of Northwest Indiana. Brief, but furious heavy rains pounded isolated areas. Very heavy rain and hail also hit the Beaverville, Papineau and St. Anne areas during the Noon Hour. Crown Point, Merillville and Scherville in Indiana also reported damage from straight-line winds and heavy rain and lightning.

“Your Illiana News Source” ….. 94.1 FM, WGFA — since 1961

Tom Conn is a staple here at WGFA Sports…  he is also a trivia nut and his fantasy is to get on Jeopardy.  Tom has already made appearances on Wheel of Fortune and the Price is Right.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCKvk7E-xhM[/youtube]

A BITTER-SWEET, YET SPECIAL FATHER’s DAY; FIVE-YR-OLD MISSING GIRL BACK HOME, SAFE….. BISHOP MAC STUDENT KILLED IN WRECK…. NO CHARGES YET IN HOOPESTON DEATH…… AREA POLICE BEAT ……. LAWMAKERS READY FOR ANOTHER WEEK…… Some of Illiana’s Top News Stories for Monday, June 18th on WGFA >

ISOLATED SHOWERS AND T-STORMS TODAY AND TONIGHT. HIGH TODAY NEAR 90 THEN AN OVERNIGHT LOW AROUND 65. TUESDAY A GREATER CHANCE FOR SHOWERS AND T-STORMS.

• Another hot-steamy day in store as people wit for rain. Some parts of Illinois and Indiana did receive a little rain late Sunday. There scattered reports of rain showers.
• Father’s Day 2007 was indeed special for Michael Klamecki and his wife, Carol. Their five-year-old daughter–Hanna–missing during a boating trip on the Kankakee River turned up alive and safe. Hanna wandered out of the woods while rescue workers were looking for her, believing she had drowned with her grandfather. 62-yr-old David Klamecki’s body was recovered from the river Friday morning.
• A 16-yr-old girl from Kankakee died in a one-car crash Saturday in Limestone Township. Jame Brandenburg was a student at Bishop McNamara High School. Her car left Route 113 then hit a tree after the driver over-corrected. Illinois State Police and the Kankakee County Coroner’s office investigated.
• A single-vehicle accident Saturday in Iroquois County was investigated by Sheriff’s Police. Vaughn Borchers of Gilman was pulling two farm wagons on 2800-N when the second wagon unhooked and hit a utility pole. No injuries was reported.
• A Harvey man—26-yr-old Timothy Johnson—is charged with Possession of Cannabis after a traffic stop for speeding. Johnson was stopped on I-57 Sunday. He was caught trying to stuff a leafy substance into his mouth. A search then found 7 grams of cannabis in his pocket.
• 32-yr-old Sacremento Ramiriez of Kankakee faces a drunk driving charge. State Police stopped him in Kankakee Saturday. He failed a field sobriety test.
• Vermilion County authorities are yet to file charges in a Hoopeston drug case. 18-yr-old John Morgenroth was found dead last Wednesday in his home. Police believe 20-yr-old Thomas Dalton may have provided the drugs that led to Morgenroth’s death. Dalton was arrested for drug-induced homicide and delivery of a controlled substance.
• Illinois lawmakers head back to Springfield this week to try reach an agreement on a budget.
• More News on WGFA News Links —

94.1 FM, WGFA —- since 1961

Listen to the Breakfast Club daily for the WGFA Song of the Day during the 9am hour to win a pair of WGFA Summer Mystery T-Shirts.  When you hear the song of the day, which we announce several times before 9, be caller 9 at 815-432-4997 and we’ll set you up with 2 WGFA Summer Mystery T-Shirts.  Perfect to wear when you’re searching for clues this week at …

• Creative Office Systems in Watseka
• Old 24 Diner in Sheldon
• Snyders Jewelry and Gifts in Watseka

TOP LOCAL/AREA NEWS NOTES ON WGFA FOR FRIDAY, JUNE 15th >

FOUR DEAD IN A SHOOTING AT CHANNAHON, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUSPECTED…… SEARCH TO RESUME FOR MISSING BOATERS ON KANKAKEE RIVER….. DRUG OVERDOSE SUSPECTED IN HOOPESTON DEATH, MAN ARRESTED…… SESQUICENTENNIAL WEEKEND AT FAIRBURY.

PARTLY CLOUDY TODAY, HIGH NEAR 92. EAST WINDS AT 5-10 MPH.

Public Health officials are warning seniors to take precautions against the heat. These high temperatures can put a strain on people’s health, especially the elderly. Seniors should drink plenty of liquids, weat lightweight clothing, and try to remain in a cool environment.

• Will County authorities have identified the four people found shot to death in Channahon Thursday morning. Dead are 34-yr-old Kimberly Vaughn of Oswego and her children: 12-yr-old Abigale, 11-yr-old Cassandra and eight-year-old Blake. A man identified as the woman’s husband and father of the children, 34-yr-old Christopher Vaughn, was found near the SUV where the bodies were discovered. He was treated for a minor gunshot would, questioned and released from police custody.
• In Kankakee, searchers will resume their efforts today for missing boaters on the Kankakee River. 62-yr-old David Klamecki of Momence and his five-year-old granddaughter, Hannah Klamecki of Villa Park, were last seen on the river about 7 pm Wednesday.
• Vermilion County Coroner Peggy Johnson suspects a drug overdose in the death of an 18-yr-old Hoopeston man. JUohn Morgenroth was found unresponsive in his home Wednesday morning. Another Hoopeston resident, 20-yr-old Thomas Dalton, is facing a preliminary charge of Drug Induced Homicide and Delivery of a Controlled Substance.
• Fairbury is celebrating its Sesquicentennial this weekend. Several activities and events are part of the three-day fun in Livingston County.
• Check out more area news on WGFA NEWS LINKS —

94.1 FM, WGFA — since 1961

I washed my earphones, but I forgot to put a Downy sheet in the dryer, and they keep clinging to my ears.

TODAY IS THURSDAY – JUNE 14, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 193 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

Today is NATIONAL POP GOES THE WEASEL DAY.

Today is FLAG DAY in the U.S. We adopted Old Glory as our national flag on this date on June 14, 1777.

Flag Do’s and Don’ts (from the U.S. code):

• Do fly the flag from sunup to sundown. Do not fly the flag overnight unless it’s in a well-lit area.
• Don’t display Old Glory with its blue field of stars facing down — that’s a signal of extreme distress and you’ll likely get a visit from law enforcement making sure everything is okay.
• Do keep the flag from touching anything below it.
• Don’t raise the flag in rain, sheet, snow, etc.
• Do destroy a seen-better-days banner in a dignified manner, preferably by burning it (but only after cutting the stars section away from the stripes section, that way it is no longer a U.S. flag and can respectfully be burned).

Where do you dispose of flags that need to be retired? In the Rockford area you can drop Old Glory off at the Blackhawk Area Council office on 11th Street… and most City Hall offices throughout the U.S. accept flags for retirement.

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

• actress (Son of the Mask, Layla Baileygates in Me, Myself & Irene, and Natalie Teeger on TV’s “Monk”) Traylor Howard 36
• tennis pro Steffi Graf 38
• Actress (“Baywatch,” “Nash Bridges”) Yasmine Bleeth 39
• Businessman/TV personality Donald Trump 61
• Actress (“227,” “The Jeffersons”) Marla Gibbs 76

RADIO PAPARAZZI…

After they told reporters they had gotten married over the weekend… it turns out that Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts did not tie the knot.

I used to love this guy’s show – watched it all the time. Don Herbert, better known as “Mr. Wizard,” has died at age 89.

Hawaii, Illinois and California have the highest gasoline prices in the U.S., according to a new survey by AAA. In Hawaii where drivers pay an average of $3.40 a gallon for regular unleaded. Illinois came in at an average of $3.34, while California drivers pay $3.30. Where is the cheapest gas in the country? South Carolina at an average of $2.88 a gallon.

Jennifer Aniston will produce and potentially star in a period musical about singing prisoners called “Goree Girls.” The story revolves around eight women at Texas’ Goree Prison during the 1940s who formed one of the first all-female country and western acts.

Lindsay Lohan is being sued for over $3000 because of car crash expenses she hasn’t paid since the accident back in October, 2005.

LeAnn Rimes handed the keys to a wheelchair accessible van to a seriously injured Iraq war veteran last week, her treat.

The CW has officially cancelled “Veronica Mars.”

Disneyland opened up the new “Finding Nemo” attraction last weekend (formerly a really lame submarine ride)

Actor Dennis Quaid and his wife, Kimberly, who are expecting twins by a surrogate mother, now know the sex of the babies — a boy and a girl.

How’s it go… the rich get richer? Aaron Spelling’s widow, Candy, was in Vegas over the weekend… and playing on the $100 slot machines. She won a jackpot of $100,000.. and kept winning. She left the night $325,000 richer. But that’s not all. Sunday, she hosted a charity raffle… and ended up owning the winning ticket for a brand-new Toyota Prius.

The names and images of famous New Yorkers including Mickey Mantle, Judy Garland and Malcolm X would be protected from being used for advertising and promotion not authorized by their estates under a measure being pushed by Al Pacino and Yoko Ono.

NEWS KICKERS…

Not wanting to represent a jailbird, the Endeavor talent agency has dropped Paris Hilton. ***JUSTIN: Seeing as they are a TALENT agency, shouldn’t they have never represented her to begin with?

You wanted her to go back to prison – but it’s costing you. It costs $99.64 a day to house a prisoner in Los Angeles County. Paris Hilton costs $1,109.78 a day to keep her locked up due to the medical treatment and staff associated with her needs. If she were at home, it would cost the taxpayers nothing. ***JUSTIN: Still think it’s worth it? Yep, me too.

Fans of the rag doll Raggedy Andy are calling for his induction into the National Toy Hall of Fame. ***JUSTIN: But first, bring Raggedy Andy’s hair stylist up on charges.

According to a University of London survey of over 10,000 people, marriage provides the same amount of happiness that you would get from a $110,000-a-year pay raise. ***JUSTIN: But a pay raise only happens once… while marriage goes on year after year. But now I’m providing for two people… I could really use that pay raise.

Kelly Clarkson has dumped her manager… and in an interview with “Elle” Magazine, she said she’s never been in love, doesn’t want kids or to get married and could care less about being famous. ***JUSTIN: Right, because that’s why everyone wants to be on “American Idol” – so they can keep themselves from being famous.

A $14.4 billion plan for rebuilding New Orleans is being criticized for a proposal to spend $3.5 million to build a giant Hurricane Katrina monument. ***JUSTIN: Isn’t the whole city already a Hurricane Katrina monument?

Here’s a novel way for thrifty brides and grooms to cut wedding costs — rent a fake wedding cake. The idea is to have an elegant, multi-tiered pretend cake for show while serving guests slices from a real but inexpensive sheet cake. ***JUSTIN: We had the best of both worlds at our wedding. A real cake that only tasted fake. I knew it was a bad idea letting my mom make the cake.

AND NOW ANOTHER USELESS FACT…

Sunday is Father’s Day. ***JUSTIN: And fathers everywhere will hear those words they hear every year, “Will you accept the charges?”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY…

Harry came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week. “What’s the story this time, Harry?” his boss asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.”

Harry sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the draw bridge got stuck. I swam across the river–see, my suit’s still damp–ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Trump’s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes.”

“You’ll have to do better than that, Harry,” said the boss, “You really expect me to believe that a woman can get ready in ten minutes?!?!”

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER…

You gotta be smarter than this if you’re going to be an arsonist.

41-year-old Frances Shaw, was charged with arson of her own home in Greensburg, Pennsylvania. Police and firefighters who came to the scene discovered that her most valuable household items, namely her clothes, TV set and microwave oven had already been placed in the yard under a heavy tarp by the time they arrived at her burning home. Kind of gave her away.

Despite managing to steal an expensive new cell phone from a store in New Zealand, one crook wasn’t too smart. Police simply called the thief and told him he had won a prize. All they needed was his name and address so they could send it to him. Yes, he fell for the ruse and his prize turned out to be handcuffs.

They say clothes make the man. In Russia that turned out to be very true after a prisoner swapped clothes with his identical twin brother, who is also his lawyer, and walked out of jail. The jailbreak happened when guards left former policeman Valerii Voblikov, on trial for running a criminal gang, alone in his cell with his lawyer brother. The pair swapped clothes and ID cards before Valerii calmly walked out the front door and got into a waiting car. His brother has now been charged with assisting a jailbreak.

STRANGE LAW: In Quitman, Georgia, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH…

Traditions in the theatre aren’t always a good thing.

School administrators at Glenbard West High in Glen Ellyn, Illinois cancelled the upcoming student play because students chose to hold one rehearsal in their underwear as a way to counteract stage fright. The girls wore togas and the boys wore boxer shorts, claiming the practice was an old theater tradition. One of the students rehearsing for the play commented, “None of us are mad at getting suspended, getting detentions, or anything else. We just feel it was very wrong to cancel our show.” ***JUSTIN: And no… the play was NOT entitled, “The Emperor’s New Clothes.”

JUSTIN’S EMAIL BAG… (Click to send a message!)

SUBJECT LINE: Thank you

Dear Justin and Kristin,

Thank you for saving my marriage. After listening to you, I realized that my husband may be sane after all.

Love your show!

Jamie

MOVIE CRITIC, MARIE ASNER WITH “THE TICKET”…

The family ratings system for The Bull Sheet Sheet are from Zero (no family value) to 5 (excellent) - for films, ratings include actors, director, plot, language, sexual content, violence, etc. Get more from Marie Asner at PhantomTollBooth.org!

OPENS JUNE 15…

FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER - It’s comic book time and the continuation of the series of four power figures played by actors Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis. Villain is Von Doom (Julian McMahon.) In this story, a new character is introduced, the Silver Surfer, who skims through everything (like Robert Patrick in “Terminator 2”) and hails the advance of a gigantic planet-killing thing. What to do when the Surfer arrives and the Fantastic Four has days to prepare for “it?” Special effects are very good. If you are a surfer, this is your thing. “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” is rated PG for violence and language. Family Friendly rating of 1 for comic book fans.

NANCY DREW - Emma Roberts, daughter of actor Eric Roberts and niece of actress Julia Roberts, stars as teen detective Nancy Drew. This character has been in teen books since the 1930’s and is a popular one. I remember reading “Nancy Drew” mysteries as a teen and wishing I had a convertible like Nancy’s, which I think is a Nash Metropolitan in the film. The author of the series is named as Carolyn Keene, but that is a name for ghostwriters of the past from a literary conglomerate. The current film has Nancy and her father (Tate Donovan) living in Los Angeles where Nancy gets interested in an old murder involving Hollywood. Thrills and a touch of “Veronica Mars” here, too. I’m guessing this series will continue on film. The character of Nancy has curiosity galore and in a humorous sequence, her choice of wearing 1960’s clothes becomes a fashion statement. “Nancy Drew” is rated PG for some violence. Family Friendly rating of 2 for children over age twelve.

DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE - not screened for critics. This film is based on a video game and about women in a martial arts contest. Hmm, they couldn’t come up with something better? For girl watchers, the cast includes Jaime Pressly, Holly Valance and Devon Aoki. What can I say? “DOA: Dead or Alive” is rated PG 13 for martial arts violence, sexual theme and some nudity. Family Friendly rating of zero.

OPENS JUNE 22…

EVAN ALMIGHTY stars Steve Carell as a modern-day Noah who has problems getting animals into the Ark.

A MIGHTY HEART has Angelina Jolie as Marianne Pearl, wife of the late Daniel Pearl, who was murdered in Pakistan. Adapted from the book of the same name. Read Marie Asner’s full review at www.PhantomTollbooth.org

1408 is a hotel room number and the film is adapted from a Stephen King short story. Expect thrills.

OTHER STUFF…

VIDEO: Funny D.U.I. = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1VmGjJJFrc

VIDEO: Happy Father’s Day, Star Wars fans = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFKaLfs68Sk&feature=dir

BUYING GIFTS FOR DAD

Father’s Day is Sunday. Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

• RULE #1: When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
• RULE #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “Okay. By the way, are you through with my 3/8″ socket yet?” Again, no one knows why.
• RULE #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
• RULE #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.
• RULE #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy your man a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips. Forget the program, your entertainment is watching him have fun!
• RULE #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant.
• RULE #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea Again, no one knows why.
• RULE #8: Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the instructions because the box says “some assembly required.” It will ruin his special day. He will always have parts left over.
• RULE #9: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, Lowe’s, John Deere, Valley RV Center and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what the gift is. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ‘68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”)
• RULE #10: Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook (but they will barbecue). Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”
• RULE #11: Tickets to a New York Giants game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why.
• RULE #12: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don’t know why, please refer to rule number seven - remember what happens when he gets a label maker?
• RULE #13: It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
• RULE #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says “I love you” like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manila rope. No one knows why.

COMMON FACTUAL ERRORS CITED IN THIS YEAR’S SAT ESSAY EXAMS…

The S.A.T.s are back – and if any of these answers give us a glimpse into the minds of future leaders, we’re in BIIIIG trouble! Here are a few actual answers on recent tests.

• In course of life the typical person eats his own weight in Slim Jims.
• Thomas Jefferson was “that funny black guy who was married to Weezie.”
• Ronald Reagan once sent warships to invade North Dakota.
• The Spanish Armada was defeated by Queen Latifah.
• Dogs were invented in 1963.
• Turning point of World War II was “that part where Tom Hanks finds Matt Damon.”
• Prior to the invention of the airplane, people flew around by flapping their arms
• Neil Armstrong’s first words on the moon were, “Visa — it’s everywhere you want to be!”

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…

Remember, keep your compost heap moist this time of year. That way, on a windy day, your entire neighborhood can enjoy it.

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Justin Kaiser or WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there… nyah!

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.

ILLIANA NEWS NOTES ON WGFA RADIO FOR FLAG DAY, JUNE 14th >

AMERICAN LEGION POSTS RECOGNIZE FLAG DAY WITH CEREMONIES TODAY….. A HOOPESTON MAN IS JAILED AFTER A TEENAGER WAS DISOVERED DEAD AT A LOCAL RESIDENCE…… WARRANT ARRESTS IN IROQUOIS COUNTY….. KCC OPENS ITS NEW EMPLOYMENT AND EDUCATION CENTER……..

ANOTHER HOT, STICKY DAY IN STORE. SUNNY SKIES AND HIGH AT 91. SOME MAYOR CITIES DECLARING ANOTHER “KNOZONE ACTION DAY”…an effort to reduce the amount of ground-level ozone.

• A Hoopeston man is jailed in Vermilion County. 20-yr-old Thomas Dalton is facing a preliminary charge of Drug Induced Homicide and Delivery of a Controlled Substance. Hoopeston Police Chief Mark Drollinger said his department was called by the Hoopeston Ambulance Service just before 10 am Wednesday concerning an 18-year-old who was not breathing at a local residence. The un-identified 18-yr-old, was pronounced dead by the Vermilion County Coroner. That prompted an investigation leading to the arrest of Dalton. Chief Drollinger said an investigation continues. Sheriff’s Police are assisting in the probe.
• Iroquois County Sheriff’s Police arrested 25-yr-old Shaun Cooper of Woodland on two warrants for Trespass to Land and Possession of Cannabis. Peggy Elkins of Loda was also arrested by deputies for Burglary and Theft by Deception. Gilman Police arrested 36-yr-old Amy Martin of Watseka for Failing to Appear on a DUI charge.
• Watseka Police report the arrests of three persons. 28-yr-old Victor Shoenheit was charged with Retail Theft after he was accused of stealing items from a local retail store. 20-year-old Nicholas Ziehr was picked up on a county warrant for Burglary. 33-yr-old Norman Wells was also arrested on a warrant for Burlgary and Theft. All three are from Watseka.
• Kankakee Community College has opened its new Employment and Education Center. It’s in the renovated Graham building on North Schuyler Avenue. The Center’s Director–Margaret Cooper–calls it a best-kept secret and many people should find the services beneficial.
• More area news on WGFA News Links —

94.1 FM, WGFA — since 1961

I need some excitement this week. The most exciting thing I did all weekend was buy two bananas–and watch them race to see which one turned brown the fastest.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JUNE 13, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 194 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

Today is NATIONAL OPEN A WINDOW DAY, to let in the sounds and smells of spring before it’s too late. ***JUSTIN: Be sure to buy your Benedryl first.

Today is NATIONAL LOBSTER DAY. ***JUSTIN: Lobsters are people too, you know – and you can help a lobster today by going to your local grocer or seafood restaurant, buying a live lobster, and then setting it free in the woods.

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

• Actresses & billionaires (“Full House”) Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen 21 (Wow – what are the odds they’d both be born on the same day!)
• actress (The Breakfast Club, Betsy’s Wedding, War Games, Short Circuit, St. Elmo’s Fire) Ally Sheedy 45
• Actor (Toy Story’s Buzz Lightyear, “Home Improvement,” The Santa Clause) Tim Allen, 54
• actor (“The Waltons”) Richard Thomas is 56
• actor (Die Hard 3, Star Trek: Generations, My Life So Far) Malcolm McDowell 64

RADIO PAPARAZZI…

The Star claims that producers of “The View” have settled on Whoopi Goldberg as a replacement for Rosie O’Donnell. ***JUSTIN: It wasn’t easy finding another comedian as liberal, outspoken and unfunny as Rosie, but they managed it.

Barbara Walters says Paris Hilton called her from jail and said, among other things, that she will no longer act dumb.

Because of her “special needs,” Paris Hilton costs taxpayers $1109.78 a day - over 11 times as much as the typical female inmate. But then, the typical female inmate doesn’t need a psychiatrist, a publicist, and a dedicated phone line so you can call Barbara Walters.

Paris Hilton’s father is trying to get a hot Las Vegas club to pay over $50,000 to host a party to celebrate her upcoming jail release.

NEWS KICKERS…

A telephone company fired their president after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. ***JUSTIN: They gave him $26-million after nine months, and HE’S the incompetent one?!?!?

Wal-Mart is giving seven lucky couples wedding packages worth more than five-thousand dollars, including rings, wedding cakes invitations and flowers and other related items. The nuptials will take place in the lawn and garden sections of the couple’s local Wal-Mart Supercenters. The couples are to tie the knot in ceremonies all on July Seventh. ***JUSTIN: Is marriage really a good idea for you when your best option is to send the bride down aisle thirteen?

At a Dallas school, classmates were surprised when a fellow 6-year-old brought a 4,100-pound elephant to show-and-tell. ***JUSTIN: Not nearly as surprised as the kid’s bus driver was though.

No slacking off or super long tea breaks for government workers in northeastern Malaysia. A senior government official says security cameras have been installed to keep tabs on the workers. Malaysia’s state secretary says officials want to know if workers are “adhering to office etiquette or playing truant.” ***JUSTIN: Isn’t this only necessary if the boss is playing truant? Otherwise he’d already know… right?

According to the American Association of Retired People, brushing your teeth causes up to 4,000 injuries a year. ***JUSTIN: See, Mom? That’s why I never brush!

Three rolls of toilet paper could land a woman in jail for three years. She’s accused of stealing the T-P from an Iowa courthouse, and may face three years in the slammer. And police are having a hard time keeping a straight face talking about the case, because the woman’s last name is Butts — Suzanne Marie Butts. ***JUSTIN: The funniest part is when she answered the question when they asked, “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” (I doo.)

AND NOW ANOTHER USELESS FACT…

Sunday is Father’s Day. ***JUSTIN: How do we repay a man who has sweated all his life to put us through college? A card and a cheap tie, of course.

An Australian National University study found that people think more creatively when they’re lying down. ***JUSTIN: Which means that some of the best thinkers in America are guys in La-Z-Boys

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY…

A little boy is walking to school one day and hears some kids talking about the yellow flower. He decides he wants to find out what it is. He gets to school and says to his teacher, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. What is it?”

His teacher says, “I will not tolerate that kind of talk in my classroom! Go to the Principal’s office!”

The little boy goes up to the Principal’s office, and the Principal asks him, “What are you doing up here, son?”

The little boy replies, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was and she sent me up here. What is it?”

The Principal says, “I will not have that kind of talk in my school! You are expelled from this school and every other school in the state! Get out!”
So the little boy goes home. His mother asks, “What are you doing home so early?”

“I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, and the Principal expelled me from every school in the state. What is the yellow flower?”

His mother says, “Go up to your room! You’re going to bed without dinner. I’ll send your father up to talk to you when he gets home.”

So the little boy goes up to his room, and about 5:00 his dad got home from work. He went up to the boy’s room and said, “Your mom tells me you’ve been a bad boy. What did you do?”

“Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, and mom sent me to bed without dinner. What’s the yellow flower?”
His dad says, “Get out of my house son! I don’t ever want to see you again!”

The little boy is walking down the street, and a few hours later and policeman stopped him. He asked him why he was walking by himself so late at night. The little boy says, “Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, mom sent me to bed without dinner, and dad kicked me out of the house. Can you tell me what the yellow flower is?”

The policeman says, “That’s enough of that! You’re going to jail for 99 years!”

99 years later, he comes back an old man, and decides he wants to try to find out what the yellow flower is. So he heads to his old school where it all started. As he was crossing the street, he got hit by a car and he died.

What’s the moral of the story?

Look both ways before crossing the street.

JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH…

Politicians misuse their powers in other countries just as they do in the U.S. And in doing so, the misuse of power could become a Moment of Duh!

Italian senator Gustavo Selva was frustrated with the traffic jams in Rome caused by President Bush’s recent visit. So to beat traffic, and make sure he made it to a TV interview on time, he dialed 118 (Italy’s version of 911) and told the ambulance driver to rush him to his heart specialist. But the address he gave was that of the TV studio. Senator Selva then made the huge mistake of bragging about his clever scheme on live TV. Emergency services were not amused and Health Minister Livia Turco called the senator’s behavior “shameful and irresponsible” and said it would be investigated “to see if this constitutes a crime, either in civil or criminal courts”.

JUSTIN’S EMAIL BAG… (Click to send a message!)

SUBJECT LINE: jUSTIN? oPPS cAP lOCK HATE THAT>>>

OK went to website this am to find out how to get the Breakfast Club newsletter via email.

You don’t look how you sound by the way…

I have dial up so this is quite a commitment so search the web.

I’ve wanted to sign up for the newsletter for quite some time now, but today’s stupid thief joke or whatever reminded me.

Old man old lady story would have been funnier if punch line was “he forgot his teeth and credit card don’t you think?” No one relates to hats anymore, just a thought.

Never have I ever written a “star” a fan letter but your radio thingy mentioned you were insecure. Therefore I’m just helping your self esteem right? Not being an obsessive fan. After all I’m 44+ (size and age) and I don’t normally do this. However when I stumbled onto your radio station it saved me about 1/2 pot of coffee because you guys get me going in the am.

You are hilarious and unfortunately for you, my kind of humor….

I actually have WGFA as my radio alarm clock thingy too and I have to run back to my radio often in the am while getting ready for work to hold the antenna just right to hear the end of a punch line down here in Champaign.

I covered my car in tin foil so I can hear you all the way to work.

My commitment is unwavering. Just don’t get too famous and move away.

Your voice sound familiar.

Sign me up for newsletter.

Just going with the,

OTHER STUFF…

WEBSITE: Blifaloo – a temporary relief from boredom. = http://www.blifaloo.com

WEBSITE: Father’s Day is this Sunday and you can read the history of Father’s Day send greetings, play games and more at Happy Father’s Day from Wilstar. = http://wilstar.com/holidays/fathers.htm

WEBSITE: Celebrities playing table tennis. = http://www.larrytt.com/celebrities_playing_tt/

IT MUST BE TRUE, BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Next time you’re in Columbia, take it easy on the gossiping.

The town of Icononzo has made it illegal to gossip! No kidding! Under the law, malicious gossiping can now be punished with up to a $75,000 fine or four years in prison. A city spokesman said, “People should be aware that using their tongues to speak evil is the same as having dynamite in your mouth.” The town’s mayor, Jesus Ignacio Jimenez defended the new law saying, “What worries me is the amount of people going to prison or being killed because of gossip.”

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

It’s just been discovered that British government education officials are worried about low scores on the national literacy test for teenagers…

…so what do you suppose is their answer to this fear? Better teachers? Longer school hours? Larger budget for classrooms, perhaps? No. The government officials are worried about low test scores from their students, so they’ve decided to change the rules to make good test scores more easily attainable! First, they’ll give out extra points if a student has experienced pre-exam stress due to selected circumstances… you get an extra 2-percent added to your score if your pet died on exam day (1 percent if your pet died the day before the tests), you get an extra 3 percent added to your test score if you witness a distressing event on exam day – though it isn’t all that clear what exactly constitutes a “distressing event” – and you can even get an additional one percent added to your final standardized test score simply for claiming you had a headache while taking the exam! But that’s not all… another way British education officials are planning on bringing up scores on the standardized tests is to no longer taking off points for misspelling!

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…

Doctors will tell you that anxiety is hard on your health, and I hate when they say that because it makes me nervous. –James Lileks

Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.