TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JUNE 20, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 187 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!
Today is JAWS DAY, marking release of the film on this date in 1975. Don’t go in the water!
It’s NATIONAL VANILLA MILKSHAKE DAY, sometimes called ICE CREAM SODA DAY. ***JUSTIN: But they’re NOT the same… so in all fairness I’ll be ordering one of each.
Today is WOMAN RUNS THE HOUSE DAY, marking this date in 1921 when Alice Robertson of Oklahoma became the first woman to preside over the U.S. House of Representatives. She presided for 30 minutes. ***JUSTIN: For us non-political types, we celebrate Woman Runs the House Day by going on as normal.
Today is NATIONAL WRITE A LOVE LETTER DAY. ***JUSTIN: To the woman that runs the house.
Today is TINY GLOVES DAY. On this day in 1995, at the O.J. Simpson murder trial, Simpson struggled to don a pair of gloves that prosecutors said were worn the night Simpson’s ex-wife, Nicole, and her friend, Ronald Goldman, were murdered. ***JUSTIN: Proving conclusively that he murdered them with gloves that didn’t fit.
CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS
- actress (Bewitched, Moulin Rouge, The Hours, Cold Mountain) Nicole Kidman 40
- singer/actress Cyndi Lauper 54
- Actor (The Flintstones movie, “Roseanne”, Blues Brothers 2000) John Goodman, 55
- TV Handyman Bob Vila 61
- Actor (the dad on “Frasier”) John Mahoney, 67
- Actress (Steel Magnolias, Oscar for Moonstruck) Olympia Dukakis ==AND== Actor (Oscar for Ed Wood) Martin Landau, 76
RADIO PAPARAZZI…
Ashley Judd will launch three new labels of clothing this fall: “AJ,” “Ashley Judd” and “Love, Ashley.”
VH1 will broadcast live the entire “Concert for Diana,” on what would have been Princess Diana’s birthday, July 1, from Wembley Stadium in London.
In China, over half of Chow Yun-Fat’s scenes from “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” were cut out… because Chinese censors felt they were an insult to China’s people.
Falls Church, Virginia, wins the honor of being the American city that has pre-ordered more copies of the final Harry Potter book, per capita, than any other city.
J.K. Rowling will go on a book tour in the fall, starting in Los Angeles on October 15. Only four stops: L.A., New Orleans and two in New York.
Women who eat a lot of meat tend to weigh more than those who don’t, according to a study from Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. Specifically, big meat eaters have a higher percentage of body fat.
Lawyers for Michael Jackson settled a lawsuit Monday brought by a New Jersey financial company that was seeking $48 million.
In Leslie, Michigan, there is finally a headstone on the grave of Frank White, who died back in 1938. Frank is that smiling face you see on the box of “Cream of Wheat.”
Al Pacino says he would consider appearing on “Dancing with the Stars,” but he’s afraid he’d get too nervous.
According to ABC News, Arnelle Simpson, daughter of O.J. Simpson, was the one who suggested that O.J. write, “If I Did It,” the still-unpublished book detailing about how he might have killed ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.
A Chicago family’s baby monitor is picking up black-and-white video from inside the space shuttle Atlantis. There has yet to be a valid explanation as to how.
What did Brad Pitt do for Angelina’s birthday last week? He made her dinner and showered her with gifts, including a gold ring that featured birthstones of each of their four kids. They’re not stopping at four though. Angelina tells the “Daily Show,” Jon Stewart that the couple wants 13 or 14 kids
Sip some chicken soup or any other fatty soup before dinner as an appetizer, and you could reduce the amount of food you eat by 20%.
Topping the Forbes “Celebrity 100 Power List”: Oprah Winfrey.
Sopranos fans are theorizing that in that last scene of the show, Tony is about to get whacked… and HBO has said, “You know, you may be on to something.”
NEWS KICKERS…
They began filming the fourth Indiana Jones movie this week. ***JUSTIN: Indiana Jones and the Search for a Retirement Village.
Lou Pearlman, who created the Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync, has been arrested in Indonesia. Banks say that he and his companies owe over $120 million. ***JUSTIN: For a second there I thought he was arrested for creating the Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync… a crime by itself.
Kelly Clarkson’s summer concert tour has been scrapped. A spokesman said “so they can re-evaluate.” ***JUSTIN: Which can be interpreted as, “Nobody wants to buy tickets.”
Bob Barker endorsed his friend Rosie O’Donnell as a possible successor on “The Price Is Right.” ***JUSTIN: Exactly what the show needs – an angry, unfunny, unattractive homosexual explaining the rules to “Plinko.”
A lucky break has spared a lobster from the cooker. The one-and-a-half pound lobster has a rare genetic mutation that makes it bright blue. Only one in three million lobsters are blue as a result of a genetic mutation. Two Connecticut men caught it last weekend in one their lobster traps. The Day of New London newspaper reports the men donated it to an aquarium, where it will live out its days in an elementary school classroom for children to learn about. The lobster joins two other blue lobsters at the aquarium. ***JUSTIN: On the off chance you ever get the opportunity to eat blue lobster, you’ll want to know that the Red Lobster restaurants recommend rather than the cheddar biscuits, blueberry muffins.
Scientists discovered the male Y chromosome repairs itself. ***JUSTIN: And as a male gene, it was repaired using duct tape.
In Germany, three people were injured when a squirrel went on a rampage. ***JUSTIN: Which was nothing compared to the rampage of the moose who was chasing after it.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY…
A fellow gets ready to make his first parachute jump. His jumpmaster sees he’s nervous and says, “Don’t worry. Just get out there, arch, count to ten, and pull your main ripcord. If there’s a problem with the main, you know you have a reserve. When you land, the truck will pick you up and take you back to the loft.” So the fellow exits, arches and pulls. Nothing happens. He pulls on his reserve ripcord. Nothing. He’s falling faster, close to terminal, and he looks at the ground and says, “Figures. I bet the truck won’t be there, either.”
JUSTIN’S MOMENT OF DUH…
Nowadays, most of us know not to get smart with airport security. It’s just not worth it. But apparently, one man didn’t learn that lesson.
As if spending time at the airport isn’t difficult enough as it is now with all the inspections and metal detectors and searches, why would you want to be a smart-aleck with the National Guard at the airport? Michael Rousseau from Columbus, Ohio asked two National Guardsman what would happen if he stepped over a red line – and past the “Do Not Enter” sign. Rousseau is told that if he steps over that red line he will be arrested. And what does he do? You guessed it. Like some macho idiot, he steps over the line. He’s arrested. He spends the night in jail and is released. I hope he thinks it was worth it.
MOVIE CRITIC, MARIE ASNER WITH “THE TICKET”…
The family ratings system for The Breakfast Club Bull Sheet are from Zero (no family value) to 5 (excellent) – for films, ratings include actors, director, plot, language, sexual content, violence, etc. Get more from Marie Asner at PhantomTollBooth.org!
OPENED JUNE 15…
FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER – It’s comic book time and the continuation of the series of four power figures played by actors Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis. Villain is Von Doom (Julian McMahon.) In this story, a new character is introduced, the Silver Surfer, who skims through everything (like Robert Patrick in “Terminator 2”) and hails the advance of a gigantic planet-killing thing. What to do when the Surfer arrives and the Fantastic Four has days to prepare for “it?” Special effects are very good. If you are a surfer, this is your thing. “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” is rated PG for violence and language. Family Friendly rating of 1 for comic book fans.
NANCY DREW – Emma Roberts, daughter of actor Eric Roberts and niece of actress Julia Roberts, stars as teen detective Nancy Drew. This character has been in teen books since the 1930’s and is a popular one. I remember reading “Nancy Drew” mysteries as a teen and wishing I had a convertible like Nancy’s, which I think is a Nash Metropolitan in the film. The author of the series is named as Carolyn Keene, but that is a name for ghostwriters of the past from a literary conglomerate. The current film has Nancy and her father (Tate Donovan) living in Los Angeles where Nancy gets interested in an old murder involving Hollywood. Thrills and a touch of “Veronica Mars” here, too. I’m guessing this series will continue on film. The character of Nancy has curiosity galore and in a humorous sequence, her choice of wearing 1960’s clothes becomes a fashion statement. “Nancy Drew” is rated PG for some violence. Family Friendly rating of 2 for children over age twelve.
DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE – not screened for critics. This film is based on a video game and about women in a martial arts contest. Hmm, they couldn’t come up with something better? For girl watchers, the cast includes Jaime Pressly, Holly Valance and Devon Aoki. What can I say? “DOA: Dead or Alive” is rated PG 13 for martial arts violence, sexual theme and some nudity. Family Friendly rating of zero.
OPENS JUNE 22…
EVAN ALMIGHTY stars Steve Carell as a modern-day Noah who has problems getting animals into the Ark.
A MIGHTY HEART has Angelina Jolie as Marianne Pearl, wife of the late Daniel Pearl, who was murdered in Pakistan. Adapted from the book of the same name. Read Marie Asner’s full review at www.PhantomTollbooth.org
1408 is a hotel room number and the film is adapted from a Stephen King short story. Expect thrills.
OTHER STUFF…
- PICTURE: Oops = http://img280.echo..cx/img280/4499/erro4su.jpg
- GAME: Time to go tubin’. = http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/dream_home/text/0,1783,HGTV_10678_23924,00.html
- QUIZ: Celebrity Lovechild Quiz (I only got 65% correct) = http://humor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ashen1/ashen/cartoon/morph.html
TOP 10 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE
- Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. –Deuteronomy 21
- Find a prostitute and marry her. –Hosea (Hosea 1)
- When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a… woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.” –Samson (Judges 14)
- Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. –Moses (Exodus 2)
- Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. –Boaz (Ruth 4)
- Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. –Benjaminites (Judges 21)
- Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. –Adam (Genesis 2)
- Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. –Jacob (Genesis 29)
- Don’t be so picky. Make for quality with quantity. –Solomon (1 Kings 11)
- A wife?… NOT!!! –Paul (1 Corinthians 7)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE…
Question: Why do golf balls have dimples?
The Answer: They’re not there just to make the ball look pretty. The dimples on a golf ball actually enable the ball to travel faster and further than a smooth ball of the same size. They allow air to travel around the ball in a way that makes it fly as it would if it were smaller and smooth. So why don’t airplanes have dimples on them? Because the dimple phenomenon is unique to small round objects traveling at certain speeds. In fact, when the dimpled golf ball travels at high speeds, the dimples don’t create any advantage, and when it travels at slow speeds the dimples are disadvantageous to flight.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…
“To encourage an adolescent to pick up his dirty clothes, install a basketball hoop over the laundry hamper. Most likely, the kid will totally ignore it, but with a little practice you may enjoy it.”
WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet, in email (including stuff you receive from Justin Kaiser) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of WGFA, regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there… nyah!
Justin Kaiser credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.
