TODAY IS FRIDAY – JUNE 08, 2007… WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS! ONLY 199 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!
Today is Upsy Daisy Day, a day to remind people to get up gratefully and gleefully each morning. ***JUSTIN: Yeah right… like that’s ever going to happen! I can see being grateful for another day in which to live, but “gleeful”? Heck, I don’t hit “tolerable” until 8am!
Today is Put That in Your Pipe And Smoke It Day. A day to remember as many outdated and corny expressions as possible. Here’s a list to get started.
- Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
- Don’t take any wooden nickels.
- See you in the funny papers.
- That’s the way the cookie crumbles.
- I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck.
- Look what the cat dragged in!
- I’m too pooped to pop.
- It isn’t worth a plug nickel.
- Someone put a bug in my ear.
- See ya later, alligator. After while, crocodile.
CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS
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Actress Kelli Williams 37
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Actress (ER) Juliana Margulies ==AND== actor Dan Futterman 40
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Actor/producer/
screenwriter Keenen Ivory Wayans, 49 -
Cartoonist (Dilbert) Scott Adams, 50
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Actress (Picket Fences,
Boston Public) Kathy Baker, 57 -
Comedian/TV host Joan Rivers, 74
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actor-comedian Jerry Stiller 80
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Former First Lady Barbara Bush is 82
RADIO SNAPSHOTS…
Paris Hilton received a two-hour jailhouse visit from her psychiatrist, Charles Sophy, just 35 hours after she landed in the Century Regional Detention Facility in suburban Los Angeles.
New stats show that 1600 kids were injured last year on those roller shoes.
If you were a fan of the cancelled show “
If you’re keeping score at home, Nintendo’s Wii outsold Sony’s Playstation 3 by a 5-1 margin in
After 35 years, Bob Barker has taped the last of his “Price is Right” shows. It’ll be shown next Friday, both during daytime and at night in primetime on CBS.
Brady Bunch mom Florence Henderson was recently asked in an interview if she was “up for the film versions” of other musicals. She said, “Yes, ‘
Paris Hilton left jail Wednesday and will be allowed to serve the remaining 40 days of her sentence at home.
Or will she? Hours after Paris Hilton was sent home under house arrest Thursday the judge who originally put her in jail on a reckless driving probation violation ordered her back to court to determine whether he should return her to jail.
Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer issued his order after the city attorney filed a petition late Thursday afternoon demanding to show cause why Sheriff Lee Baca should not be held in contempt of court for releasing Hilton Thursday morning and demanding that Hilton be held in custody. Hilton was ordered to report to court at 9 a.m. Friday (that’d be 11 a.m. Central), Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini told The Associated Press. Sauer himself had expressed his unhappiness with Hilton’s release before Delgadillo asked him to return her to court. When he sentenced Hilton to 45 days in jail last month he ruled specifically that she could not serve her sentence at home under electronic monitoring. Parachini said Sauer reminded the Sheriff’s Department of that when he learned Hilton was about to be released. Shortly before noon on Thursday, Hilton issued a statement through her attorney. “I want to thank the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department and staff of the
NEWS KICKERS…
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Doctor Beach” must have a pretty tough job. He ranks the nation’s best beaches and is now out with his 2007 list. This year’s best beach isn’t in Florida or Hawaii. It’s North Carolina’s Ocracoke (OH’-krah-kohk) Island, part of the Cape Hatteras National Seashore. Florida International University prof Stephen Leatherman, A-K-A Doctor Beach, says there are 14 miles of unspoiled beach there. He asks where else in the world can you find that? But it’s not easy to get to. The only access to the island is by boat or private plane. ***JUSTIN: Ocracoke… isn’t that a new cola flavor? -
Rob Lowe was golfing in
Iowa on Wednesday when he hit a drive and it connected with a passing bird. Feathers everywhere. ***JUSTIN: Nice shot… a birdie! -
Madison County, Illinois, has earned the nickname “The Promised Land” by some trial lawyers because of the county’s incredibly lawsuit friendly verdicts. Case in point; a
Madison County judge recently awarded $311,700 to Amanda Verett for a long series of painful injuries that her courtroom-veteran chiropractor has been treating. It seems Amanda was holding a door open at a Pizza Hut when an employee yanked it open farther. As a result she claims she’s suffered horrible shoulder, arm and hand injuries. ***JUSTIN: Yet her arm worked perfectly in the courtroom when she had to place it on a bible. -
The logo for the 2012 London Olympics has been unveiled and most people are saying it is ugly, but that’s the least of its problems. An animated version of the logo, which features the number 2012 in a very modern jigsaw-style, caused at least 10 people to suffer epileptic seizures just from looking at it. ***JUSTIN: Although that could also have been the British food they were eating at the time.
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Nicole Richie is said to be worried about going to jail after her most recent DUI arrest. After all, if famous gal-pal Paris can go to jail, why couldn’t she? ***JUSTIN: Don’t worry Nicole – prison ain’t all that bad. You get to refuse to wear the orange prison jumpsuit, you get to call your psychiatrist to come and visit, and if you’re sentenced to 40 days you’ll only be in for three!
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Safeco Insurance (SAF) unveiled a teen driving package this week that notifies parents when their young driver speeds, breaks curfew or drives outside of an agreed-upon area. ***JUSTIN:
Los Angeles immediately bought one for Paris Hilton’s car.
AND NOW ANOTHER USELESS FACT…
A worker digging in
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY…
Reluctantly, a wife agreed to sell some of her husbands old neckties at a garage sale. The husband glowed with pride when one woman kept exclaiming “Perfect!” as she picked up each tie. Paying for her purchases, the woman remarked, “These will look terrific on my scarecrow.”
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER…
A man calls the police to report he’s been robbed – and ends up in the files of Law & Disorder!
Kory C. Tippetts, 18, called police to report the theft of personal property. When you’re the victim of a burglary, the first step is to report it to the police. Which Kory did. The next step is to be able to identify your property. Which Kory could. It seems that our boy had called police on Monday evening after he returned home and found that someone had broken a window, got cut on the glass, and crawled into the house. In most burglaries the victim knows the perpetrator and so it was in this case. Kory C. suspected a guy he knew, a guy he had in fact spoken to on the phone earlier in that day. Tippetts gave police the man’s name and officers found Richard W. Hight, 23, at his mother’s home in
Forger Franklin Woodrick picked the wrong teller to try to cash a bad check. Authorities in
STRANGE LAW: Voters Beware! In
Choose your football team wisely.
Earlier this year, 18-year-old Joshua Vannoy filed a lawsuit against the
MOVIE CRITIC, MARIE ASNER WITH “THE TICKET”…
The family ratings system for
OPENS JUNE 8…
OCEAN’S THIRTEEN – Am I the only one who thinks this series is boring? Here is installment three of George Clooney and his gang of thieves who, this time, are robbing places in
HOSTEL PART II – Not screened for critics. As though we need another gruesome, gory film of rich people paying big money to torture young adults. In this case, it is young women. Heather Matarazzo and Lauren German are the stars. “Hostel” is still turning some people’s stomachs, and this film should do the same. As long as fans buy tickets, the series will continue. Lesson to be learned? When traveling abroad, be diligent “Hostel Part II” is rated R for sadistic violence, nudity and language. Family Friendly rating of zero.
SURF’S UP – This is an animated film featuring penguins who surf. Penguins, again, that’s right. Cody Maverick (voice of Shia LeBeouf) is trying to be the top surfer in Antarctic seas. This film is a bare bones story and is lengthened by loud music and
OPENS JUNE 15…
FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER continues the adventures of the Four who now meet a new nemesis.
NANCY DREW has Emma Roberts, daughter of actor Eric Roberts and Julia Roberts niece, as the teenage detective. The film is updated to present-day.
OTHER STUFF…
NOT A HALLMARK MOMENT
Ever wonder what kind of greeting cards get rejected before they make it to the shelves? Well here’s a short list of cards that never made the cut… and after hearing them I’m sure you’ll understand why!
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Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.
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Congratulations on your promotion. Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You might need it again.
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Happy Birthday! You look great for your age… almost lifelike!
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I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
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You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket. I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.
WEBSITE: Ten flagrant grammar mistakes that’ll make you look stupid = http://news.
PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT
When’s the last time you heard that expression? Try it on your kids and watch them look at you with a blank stare. We all grew up hearing corny expressions from our parents and grandparents.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT…
Don’t you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There’s one marked ‘Brightness,
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